


My Little Doll

by Jajabinxx



Series: Lucy [1]
Category: Rammstein
Genre: Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Infidelity, Innocence, Jealousy, Loss of Virginity, Modeling, Older Man/Younger Woman, Possessive Behavior, Smut, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-16
Updated: 2017-02-18
Packaged: 2018-09-17 22:13:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 26
Words: 46,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9348701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jajabinxx/pseuds/Jajabinxx
Summary: She was his 'little doll'. He only had eyes for her, but could there be another that could steal her gaze from him?





	1. My Little Doll

**Chapter 1**  
My Little Doll

 

"Lucy come here!” Richard shouts from across the other side of the club.

I find his gaze on the opposite side of the room and make my way across the busy floor, past the intoxicated people I was trying to avoid. They barely see me as I squeeze past, trying to avoid being knocked. I have quite a small build, and am easily lost in a crowd. The club scene has never really been my thing as I usually keep to myself. I am quite the introvert, but things are different now.

"Here she is!” cries Richard in excitement. I walk over to Richard and a small group of people whom I don't know. "This is her!” he says as he grabs my arm and pulls me towards him. "My little Doll" he continues, gazing at me with wide eyes. He loves showing me off. Quite annoying really.

"She's so cute" says one girl.

"She can't be old enough to even be in here!” says another.

I stop myself from rolling my eyes. I'd be a very rich woman if I got a dollar for every time someone guessed my age wrong.

"Haha. She's old enough I promise", laughs Richard.

"I bet she looks old enough under those clothes. A real woman’s body" slurs a quite intoxicated man pointing at my breasts. Disgusting.

"You know it!" laughs Richard drunkenly, knocking the mans outstretched arm down. "But she's mine. No touching my pretty little doll". His face meeting mine.

I can smell liquor and cigarettes on his breath.He wraps his arms around my neck swaying back and forth to the slowed down beat. How I wish we could leave.

"Richard!" I hear in the distance. Oliver comes up behind Richard and pulls him off me. "I think it's time to go", says Ollie in a stern voice.

My saving grace.

"Aww come on, can't we stay a bit longer" Richard moans. "We still haven't had enough to drink" he says looking back at me, trying to wink.

"I think you've had enough for tonight" replies Oliver.

"Nonsense!" Cries Paul, walking up behind Ollie planting a hand on his shoulder with a smile. "You can never have too much to drink!"

Richard pleased at hearing this raises what's left of his drink. But before he can throw it back, Paul grabs his hand and takes his glass.

"But I think you have had enough for one night" says Paul, downing the last of Richards drink. Richard looking betrayed goes to protest but is stopped again by Paul. "Look at poor Lucy; she's not having much fun watching your stupid ass get drunk. It's getting late, I'm sure she'd rather be heading home now".

"My little doll!" Richard gasps as he spins around to face me. He plants his hands on my cheeks as he looks into my eyes. "I could never upset you, how could I be so selfish?" He says, kissing my forehead.

"Ugh, you Schwuler, shut up and let’s go. Lucy's fine". Paul cries in disgust at Richards’ drunken soppiness. Pulling Richard off me again and pushing him in the direction of the door.

"After you" says Ollie, motioning towards the exit.  
  
"Thank you" I shyly smiled as I followed Richards’ drunken stride.

"There's already a cab waiting out front" says Oliver, following closely behind me, pushing random drunk people from our path. 

I can't wait to be out of this club. It's getting busier and the floor is only getting stickier from all the spilt alcohol.

We make it out the door and cool fresh air pierces my face. I wrap my arms around myself trying to protect myself from the cold New York wind. I get a fright as something warm wraps around me.

"Don't want you to freeze now" says Oliver as I look back at him.

He has put his jacket around me so I'm not cold. How sweet. Oliver seems to be quite kind. This is my first night out with Oliver and Paul. I've only ever been around Richard till now.

"Thank you" I shyly smile again tugging the jacket tight.

"Oh, here we are" Oliver says pointing at a yellow cab. Paul opening the back door and literally pushing drunken Richard into the car.

"Move right down the end you idiot" moans Paul. "There you go Lucy" Paul smiles, helping me into the cab.

I climb into the middle seat next to Richard who's smiling ear to ear at me as he throws his arm around me.

"You're so beautiful" he slurs, leaning in to kiss whatever he was capable of landing his lips on.

"Oh just shut the hell up Richard." Paul moans as he climbs onto the seat next to me. "Save it for when the rest of us don't have to hear it".

Oliver slides onto the front seat and gives the driver the address. Finally we're headed home.

I close my eyes and relax as I listen to Paul and Ollie talk about the 'hot babes' they hooked up with on tonight's outing. I giggle to myself how much they talk themselves up. But the girls really do flock to them. As soon as they hear the word famous, it’s like a pack of hungry dogs set on a piece of meat. No escape. But they love it.

I can feel Richard sliding down on my side. He's fallen asleep. I rest my head against his and feel myself drift off too. I'll sleep well tonight.


	2. Just Another Day at Work

Chapter 2  
Just Another Day at Work

 

It was a few months ago I met Richard. Started out as a normal day like any other. Wake up, get dressed and do my hair and makeup while I listen to some soft piano music. It helps me relax. Or some metal, that helps me relax too, which often surprises people if they ever happen to find that out about me. But I find comfort in the truth and rawness of the lyrics. Metal definitely isn't the type of music you would picture a girl like me listening to.

I'm quite a petite girl, and only stand 5'1 ft tall. I'm 24, but I look younger for my age. I have porcelain white skin and natural silk black hair. I have quite large blue eyes and beautifully contoured cheek bones that even I admit I adore. My lips are a plump Cupid’s bow shape, ever so soft. For my height, I am also quite thin as you'd expect, but am not lacking in the chest area. Which isn’t really the norm for smaller girls, but hey, I aint complaining. I have slender, delicate hands which I always make sure to keep manicured. The colour is always depending on my job.

My likeness is to that of a doll's. Which is how I get most of my jobs; which is what I was getting ready for that day.

 I had a photo shoot that day in Uptown New York. I'd never been to any upmarket shoots before, but apparently from a more recent shoot, I'd been noticed by some bigger names in the industry.

The day’s theme was a Gothic Lolita shoot for a Japanese modelling company based in Harajuku Tokyo. Apparently they like to get western models as well for their magazines and advertising. The shoot went well. First off I wore cute conservative dresses with lace parasols, next to men in gallant cloaks and hats and canes. Then more revealing dresses with shorter skirts next to men who were also more unclothed. Then finishing off with a lacy underwear shoot. Surrounded by men with nothing but their underwear on; showing off their perfectly carved bodies.

All was done in good taste, but the last shoot was definitely nothing like I had done before. I'll admit I was quite nervous, but no so much for being under dressed. More so for being around so many foreign people I didn't know; where everyone is speaking a different language. Luckily for me, there wasn't much miscommunication at all during the shoot and everything went pretty smoothly. They even let me keep all the cute outfits I got to wear during the day.

I would have never pictured myself becoming a model. I am such a quiet person. I keep to myself and I never tried to put myself out there. I kind of ended up in modelling by accident, that being blamed on my looks.

I'll be honest; I don’t even have any friends really. A couple people I see on the odd occasion from school or past shoots, but no one close. I don't even talk to my parents apart from special occasions like Christmas or birthdays. I like being alone, I feel safe.  
But there I was out of my comfort zone at another shoot. I am a lot more used to it now though. When I first started, all I wanted to do was throw up I was that nervous! But now I see it as just a job. I'm pretty used to people staring now as I pose for pictures.

That day there were a lot more people than usual though. I guess you need a lot more people for a big name magazine to come together just right. But there was one person there that stole my gaze many times throughout the shoot, which never happens. I didn't know who it was, and it was bugging me because this man did not look like he should be there. But why wasn’t anyone escorting him out? He obviously didn't work for the magazine or photographers, so why was he there?  
Close to the end of my lingerie shoot I noticed a lady go up to him and say something, then he followed her off into one of the dressing rooms which confused me even more. But my attention was shifted when I heard something yelled out in Japanese then followed by me being picked up by two muscled male models for a new shot. We did a few more different shots before the photographer announced that he had everything he needed. A translator came over and said that we were all finished for the day and that I could head back to my dressing room and get changed.

I made my way to my dressing room and closed the door behind me with a sigh of relief. I put on one of the see through chiffon gowns from the lingerie shoot, so I didn’t feel too exposed as I filled my luggage bag I take with me on shoots full of all my new outfits. I had a smile on my face as I admired all the beautiful dresses I had been given as I packed them into my bag. I turned around to get the last few off the hanging rack but jumped back against the table as somehow a man was standing right behind me. Watching me.  
  
He put his hand over my mouth as he could see I was going to scream. And I was going to, but he looked familiar. I could tell he was the man watching me from my shoot, but I knew him somehow.

"Please don't scream. I'm not going to hurt you." He said calmly. I nodded as he took his hand from my mouth. "I was watching you during your shoot. I'm pretty sure you saw me anyway." I nodded again. "My god you're beautiful" he said as he slowly ran his eyes all over, up and down my body.

I was too shocked to move and close my gown, not that it would have made any difference anyway. I hadn't felt this type of nervousness since my first shoot. I felt like a helpless statue.

"You're perfect, you know? Like a little doll." the man said gently running his hand across my cheek. His eyes filled with amazement, like in a dream.

He seemed to suddenly come to and stood back and straightened himself up.

"I'm sorry, how rude of me". I found the courage to close my gown as he looked away and cleared his throat. "My name is Richard".

Richard? Now he seems even more familiar, but I know I definitely haven't met him before.

"I'm having a shoot here today as well, but I got my times mixed up and ended up getting here 8 hours early. I was going to head back to the home but then I saw you and thought I'd just stick around and watch. I hope you didn't mind". I shook my head still in shock, hoping not to offend the stranger standing so close to me.

"Oh that's a relief then" he replied with a smile on his face. "You're very good at what you do".

I gave a quick smile to agree with him; all the while I'm still in lacy lingerie with only a black see through gown to cover me.

"I'm doing a shoot for my new album today". This peaked my interest. Is this how I recognize him?

"Are you in a band?" I manage to reply.

"Yeah. A girl like you wouldn't have heard of me though. I'm in a group called Emigrate." It sounded familiar but I didn’t know where from. "It's a pretty new band though. My usual band is Rammstein. I'm the lead guitarist".

Oh my god he's Richard Kruspe. How did I not recognize him? I tried not to act surprised but he caught my mouth drop a little.  
  
His eyes lit up as he smiled at me. "You know Rammstein?" I nodded as I blushed. "I can't believe you know Rammstein! You definitely don't seem like the type of girl to listen to that kind of music. Especially anything that brutal. Do you like any other types of metal?" He asked, but before I could reply a man opened the door.

"Richard, we need to hurry up. The photographer is gunna be here in 20 and you aint even ready. Move your ass!"

"I'm coming!" Richard shouted back. He turned to face me again. "I'm sorry, I gotta go. I finish at 8. Did you want to go out with me afterwards and get something to eat?"

I blushed. I couldn’t believe someone famous was asking me out to dinner. I nearly froze up again. "I’d like that" I managed to get out.

"Great! Here's my number." He handed me a card from his pocket in excitement. "Text me you're address and I'll get someone to pick you up around 8. I'll see you later! My little doll.." He said softly as he leant over and kissed my cheek.

He left my dressing room closing the door behind him. I placed my hand on my cheek and felt where he kissed me. 'What just happened?' I thought to myself. Out of my shock, I pulled myself together and got changed and finished packing my bag.

I left my dressing room and had one of the staff help carry my things out. Richards shoot had already started, but he stopped to nudge one of his band members and point towards me. "See you tonight!" He yelled. I waved back at him and smiled as I left the studio.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first go at writing a fan fic. Feel free to leave me any comments at the end of each chapter. Let me know if you're enjoying the story so far :)


	3. Courting

Chapter 3  
Courting

I got back home and messaged him my address straight away.

I showered, I got dressed, and I did my hair and makeup again.

Eight o'clock came around and there was someone waiting for me outside right on time. I got into a black Bentley and was taken to a very fancy restaurant in a part of New York I'd never been. I was seated and before long Richard joined me too.

It was a wonderful night; we talked a lot and told each other about ourselves. He invited me out again the following night. And the next, and the next, and the next. We went out every night that week, always somewhere flash and impressive. Not that I really minded where we went, but he did make me feel special spoiling me. Richard was only in town for a week before he had to leave to do some promotional work and finish recording the last few songs on their album that was being released in August. His last night in town he took me out again for dinner. Somewhere fancy as usual, but at the end of dinner when he took me home he stopped me at the front door.

"I really like you, you know?" he said, holding my hand. "I'm going to miss you quite a lot over the next month while I'm gone. But I'll be back. And when I come back I want you to stay with me. I want you to be mine" he said, letting go of my hand.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a box. At first I thought he was going to propose to me and I nearly had a heart attack.But he opened the box to a small necklace.

"I had this specially made for you" he said, pulling out a white gold and Swarovski stone choker necklace. He put the box back in his pocket and put the necklace around my neck. Fastening it with a little crystal lock.  
  
"This lock can only be opened with a key. This key" he said as he pulled a necklace hidden under his shirt out that had a small key hanging on the end. "That means you're mine. No one else can have you. Only I can open the locket" he grabbed my face with his hands and looked deep into my eyes. "I love you Lucy. Always, don't you ever forget it"

He kissed me deeply. He hadn't kissed me like this before; I was a little bit shocked. Also for the fact that he just told me he loved me.

"I won't forget" I replied back, staring back into his hungry eyes.

He let a sigh of relief out. He didn't seem to mind that I didn't say 'I love you' back, but at least for me, it was way too early in the relationship to know if I loved him or not.

"That's a good girl. Now, aren't you going to invite me inside? You won't see me for a month and there's something you haven't given me yet" he said, smiling as he let go of my face.

I knew what he was talking about, and I was frightened to be honest. I turned to unlock the door and he put his arms around my waist and nuzzled his mouth into my neck. He pulled himself in tighter to me and I could feel something growing against my back. This really was going to happen. I unlocked the door, took a deep breath and led him inside.

I only have a very small apartment. Everything about it is very minimalist. The only exciting this about it was if you were to look inside my closet at all my outfits and costumes from previous shoots. I turned on the light in the living room so we could see where we were going. We both left our shoes at the door, then I led Richard to my bedroom. I walked to the foot of my queen sized bed and stopped. I took another deep breath in as I turned around to face Richard. My gaze slowly found its way up to his, his face full of excitement. He grabbed my face with his hands again as he began kissing me with that same deep kiss I felt before outside my front door. This time it was growing more and more impatient. He pulled his head back slowly running his eyes over my face as a wicked smile slowly spread on his. He let go of my face and pulled of his shirt and pants. Now standing in only his black Calvin Klein briefs. He walked up close to me again with an almost puzzled look on his face.

"It's you're turn now my little doll" he said with that same wicked smile spreading once more.

His eyes trailed down from my face down to my chest. He quickly pulled me close to him with his forceful arms, then very slowly unzipped the back of my dress. I could feel he was enjoying it. He stepped back slightly to get a view of what underneath as he slowly let my dress fall down.  His eyes lit up at what was before him. That night I was wearing black lacey lingerie, which is what I usually wear. I don't really care for coloured pieces. But that night I was also wearing a black lace garter to hold up the stockings I wore with my dress. I did not think that this was going to be happening tonight, but the extra lingerie added to his excitement.  
  
"You naughty girl" he smiled as he laid me down on the bed. "You got all dressed up for me" he said, getting on all fours on the bed over me.

He leaned down to kiss my neck. My heart started pounding. Every kiss is like electricity on my skin. Then he bit me.

"Ow!" I gasped as I trembled.

Richard shot up to look up at me. He studied the expression on my face for a moment, then he realized.

"Are you a virgin?" he asked looking shocked. "I'm so sorry Lucy..." he said before I could reply. "I didn't realize. I promise I'll be gentle" he kindly added as he softly kissed me on the forehead.

His kisses led from my forehead down my nose, to my lips, to my cheek and back to my neck where he bit me. He kissed me ever so softly there before going lower down my neck, to my chest before stopping in between my breasts. My heart was pounding even harder than before. He raised his head and looked in my eyes and said, "Don't be embarrassed". I wasn't embarrassed about him seeing me in my underwear; he'd already seen me in my underwear once before when I first met him. Plenty of people have seen me in my underwear in shoots. But no one has ever seen me naked.  
  
I shut my eyes hard as my heart raced. I felt his hands reach under my back and undo my bra. Slowly he pulled each strap down from my arms, and then lifted my bra off. My D cup sized breasts exposed to the cold air, my nipples going hard. My eyes still closed, I felt Richard lower himself again and without touching me, blew air onto one of my nipples. My body lifted as the sensation surprised me. I heard him softly giggle. I waited. He did it again to my other breast and achieved the same result. I waited again in even more suspense, too scared to open my eyes. Finally he slowly ran his tongue across my nipple. Getting a bigger reaction that time. He slipped his arm under my back as it rose from this new stimulation. With his arm under my back holding me, there was no escaping now. He took his other hand and cupped my breast. Freely alternating between my breasts, he licked and kissed and blew air on them, sending me crazy from this new sensation. He stopped blowing air, he stopped licking and just started kissing again. His kisses started with my breasts, but began to go down lower. My heart stopped.

He took his arm from behind my back and propped himself up again. He stood up off the bed and grabbed my thighs. He pulled my body down the soft satin sheets so my legs were over the bed and my feet were touching the floor. With my ass sitting right on the edge of the bed. I tried to close my legs but Richard quickly stopped me as he knelt down on the floor. He shuffled up to the foot of the bed and he caressed his hands all the way up my legs. My heart was beating so hard now I thought it was going to explode. He once again blew air but this time it was directly on my panties. Seeing as though they were only lace I could feel it just the same if I hadn't been wearing any at all. I shivered at the sensation.  
  
He traced his hand up my thigh once more, but this time went even further. He ran a finger right in between my thighs, over my panties. I shivered again.

"Someone's getting excited" giggled Richard. "You're nice and wet" he said, grabbing my thighs and immediately running his tongue the full length of my panties.

I shook terribly in surprise and realized that's why he grabbed my legs, he wasn't letting me run away.

His hands slowly released my thighs and traced up higher again. He grabbed my panties in both hands and slowly pulled them down to leave me completely vulnerable. I felt so embarrassed. Richard threw my panties away and grabbed my thighs once more. I took a deep breath and braced myself for what was to come. I didn't really know what to expect as I hadn't even experimented on my own. This was all very new to me.

I shivered again as he blew air once more. Then without hesitation, let his tongue sink deep into me. I try to move back in surprise, but he held me tight. He moved his tongue more and more, in and out before moving it up to my clitoris. Now he really had squirming. His tongue, moving faster and faster. The sensation was nothing like I had ever felt before. But I couldn't deny that it felt good. I couldn't hold it in anymore, I began to moan.  
  
"That’s a good girl" said Richard. "You like it don't you?"

I felt so dirty with him asking me such things, I didn't want to reply.

"Say yes or I'll stop" he commanded softly, returning his tongue to my clit. Even though I felt so disgusted with myself I managed to mutter "Yes"

"Say yes, it feels good" he commanded once more, this time slipping a finger inside me, going in back and forth. Still holding me down with his other hand.

"Ooooh" I moaned. Another new sensation for me and I was squirming again. I opened my eyes enough to see Richard smiling at me with such a devilish look on his face.

"Say yes, it feels good" he commanded again, more stern this time still keeping a grin on his face.

Through my panting I replied, "Yes it feels good"

Then to my surprise he lowered his head and began licking my clit even more furiously than before, all the while still fingering me, faster and faster. I was moaning uncontrollably and I writhing around, clenching the sheets of the bed.

"Richard!" I screamed.

I sat up so quickly, one hand clenching the sheets, the other trying to push his head back. But I wasn't strong enough and he knew what was about to happen. With all his energy he went faster and faster. Licking harder, fingering me faster as he slipped in another finger. My whole body was pounding; my head felt like it was going to explode! I let out one last scream just before my body couldn't take anymore, and I came.  
  
Such a sensation filled my whole body! My body shook uncontrollably and I felt incredible. I could barely think straight as I stared at the ceiling, trying to make sense of what Richard just did to me. I felt Richard crawl up the bed on top of me again. He stared into my eyes with a cheeky smile on his face.

"That felt good didn't it?" He asked and I responded with a shy nod. "Nothing to be afraid of at all" I agreed, shaking my head. "Now I'll show you something even better" he smiled, standing up.

I wasn't sure if I was ready for what was to come, but I had no energy to refuse. I looked down at Richard, his eyes watching me with twisted delight as an expression of fear spread across my face as I stared at his bulging crotch.

"Don't be frightened little doll" he said, pulling off his briefs to reveal his steep erection. "It won't hurt you" he softly said with a smile.

He hadn't hurt me so far. He promised he was going to be gentle. So I trusted him and closed my eyes again. But one last look at his solid member left me fearing that it wouldn't fit at all. I clenched the sheets again and braced myself.

"Don't worry little doll, you're nice and wet..." said Richard as he lowered himself onto me and ever so slowly, pushing his hard cock all the way inside of me.

I couldn't believe it, Richard was inside of me! He stayed still for the moment, and all I could feel was his cock, throbbing inside of me. It was like it was alive.

"Are you okay?" He gently asked, making sure he wasn't hurting me.

Lucky for me that he had got me so wet, as I wasn't feeling too much discomfort.

"No" I sighed with relief.  
  
"That's good" he replied as leaned all the way over and began kissing me, ever so softly.

His gentle kisses calmed me. Then he slowly began to move in and out of me. Very slow to begin with, still kissing me all the while to keep me calm. My heart started pounding again as he began to quicken his pace. His kisses became more and more passionate, and he got even faster. I still wasn't feeling any pain but my heart was thumping so hard, it was feeling good. I turned my head away from Richard so I could get some air to breathe properly. He sunk his head into my neck and began kissing with intensity, as he got faster and also deeper inside me. I began to moan again. I felt so embarrassed those noises were coming out of me, but I couldn’t stop even if I tried.

The deeper he got I felt a bit distressed, the feeling was so intense. But he felt so good inside of me. He's dick pulsing faster and faster with every motion it made. I kept on moaning as he ravenously licked and nibbled at my neck. To my surprise he began to moan as well. The noises he was making turned me on. It made me realize he probably felt the same way about the silly noises I was making. I felt more relaxed and really let go, moaning louder and louder. Richard began to move even faster and deeper at the sound of my voice. His body was reaching its peak as he stopped kissing my neck and let out a growling moan. He shot up to his knees and lifted me up to his groin by my thighs. My ass suspended in the air with all my weight on my shoulders.

"Aaahh!" He shouted, almost like a roar as he went in deeper and deeper. It was almost too much for me.

"Richard, please!" I screamed, as he pounded me with all his force.  
  
He took no notice. I could see he was about to finish so clenched the sheets again and held out best I could. He moaned again, getting louder and louder.

"I'm gunna come!" he yelled, penetrating my fragile body, harder and faster than ever.

I felt as though I was going to break. I screamed as he made his last thrusts. He let out another roar, before one last pound. Filling me with his warm flow. He stayed motionless for a minute, regaining himself. I opened my eyes to see him staring down at me. He pulled himself from me and collapsed next to me. He reached his arm over the side of the bed grabbing a blanket I had laying on the floor. He threw it over us and pulled me in tight to him. His arm holding me beneath my breasts, his skin pressed up against mine. He was so warm.

"I love you my little doll" he spoke softly, "Never leave me..."

I felt him relax, and his breath got slower as he fell asleep.

I stayed awake for a while longer, trying to process what had just happened. I did enjoy it even though I was nervous the whole time. I decided it could only get easier as time passed. I thought to myself, 'was this what a relationship was?'. Consisting of dinners out and sex? I had never had a boyfriend before, and my parents weren't even a helpful example for me to refer to. I fell asleep to the thoughts of what the future would hold. Would I always have this collar on my neck?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Could you imagine losing your virginity to Richard Kruspe? Omg..  
> I wonder what lies in store for the new couple?


	4. Life Now

Chapter 4  
Life Now

 

I look over at the clock on the side table, it's just after 1. It's now the afternoon after our night out at the club, and we’ve slept in so late. Although I can’t remember what ungodly hour we returned home. I sit up confused as how Richard and I are both in bed. I remember falling asleep in the cab but not how we got back to our bed. I sit up and look over to Richard. He's fast asleep, and I wouldn’t be surprised if he wakes up with a hangover. He definitely drank too much last night. It was the first time I'd seen him drunk too so it was a new experience for me.

I get out of bed and make my way to the shower. I turn on the taps then get undressed. I take a quick look in the mirror and see that I've slept with my makeup on. Ew. I get into the shower and close the curtain behind me. The water is hot and refreshing. It wakes me up and clears my head. I hum to myself something soft as I wash myself clean from the night before. Washing all the alcohol and sweat off from people bumping into me. I wash my long hair getting rid of all the hairspray. I stand there for another minute, just enjoying the warmth washing over me before turning the taps off and getting out.

I wrap myself in a towel that Richard had left out for me the day before and begin to dry my hair off. I don't think that I will wake Richard up, he's dead to the world and the door is closed. Once my hair is dry I grab my straightener out of my toiletry bag and begin straightening my hair. My long dark locks becoming shiny as I smooth them out. I then begin doing my makeup. It takes me at least half an hour to do my makeup, sometimes up to an hour. Just depends on what I'm doing. Today it's just simple everyday makeup. I do my base, blush my cheeks, put on some eyeliner and false lashes. I always put on false eyelashes; it makes my eyes stand out even more. Then to finish, I put on a deep red lipstick. Just as I finish the door behind me opens.

"Good morning beautiful" says Richard as he slowly walks towards me.

I turn around, leaning up against the counter giggling at his misjudgment of time. He closes in on me and grabs my waist, pressing himself against me. He leans in to kiss me. I can still smell the liquor on his breath from the night before. I close my eyes waiting for his lips to meet mine. But I feel him let me go. I open my eyes in time to see him rush over to the toilet and throw his guts up. Wow that is nasty. Poor thing. He did do this to himself though.  
  
"Richard, are you okay?" I ask. "Did you want me to bring you anything?"

"I just need to have a shower" he sputters, "I'll be fine."

I took the opportunity to get dressed. I put my usual black lacey lingerie on and some socks as the floor is freezing. I then put on some black leggings and a loose grey shirt. I may look like a doll but I don't need to dress like one all the time. I find a hair tie and pull my hair back in a high pony tail, leaving just my bangs out. I go to check on Richard. I look through the door and notice he's in the shower now, he must be fine. I look at the time, it’s almost 3 o'clock now and I am starving.

I poke my head out the door looking either way down the hallway, trying to remember which direction to go. Last night was actually my first night in this apartment. It's the bands joint apartment for when they have extended stays in America. It is a huge apartment, taking up an entire floor. It honestly must cost them a fortune in rent. Not that I think that even matters. They could probably buy the whole building if they wanted. They each have their own spacious rooms with a private bathroom. They have extra guest rooms. A small, in house studio. A Gym. They even have a hot tub in another room! A huge entertainment living area and then of course a kitchen and dining area, which I am trying to find. I take a guess and thankfully head the right way into the kitchen. There’s not a whole lot of food in the fridge or the pantry, but I find myself some cereal and some milk that’s luckily in date then sit down at the table and relax.

"Guten Morgen Lucy" I hear from behind me. I turn around to see Oliver walk in, with Paul slowly trailing behind him.

"Ugh I feel like Scheiße..." moans Paul.

"You'll be fine" sssures Oliver, patting Paul on the shoulder. He then found some cereal as I did and took his place at the table next to me and began chowing down.

"I know I'll be fine, I just need some of this to wake me up" Paul replies as he pours himself a coffee. He then opens up the pantry and begins rummaging through it. "Ugh where the hell is it?" he moans.

"What the hell are you looking for?" questions Oliver curiously.

"The Berocca! It should be here, it was last time.." Paul cries out as he continues rummaging.

I turned to Oliver, still curious about the night before. "How did Richard and I both end up in bed this morning? All I remember is falling asleep in the cab."

"Oh we carried you guys up" replies Oliver.

"But you guys were drunk?" I say surprised.

"Well Paul and I carried Richard up. But Till carried you" he says, pointing at me.

"Till carried me?" I asked curiously.

"Yeah, he said 'it isn't safe for two drunken men to carry a lady back to the apartment'. So he made us carry Richard. Lazy asshole. I was sober enough to carry you, and he's strong enough he could of carried Richard back on his own. We had to stop so many times, your boyfriend was a dead weight" Oliver replies, annoyed. Before I could reply Paul interrupted our conversation.

"Ah! Here it is!" Paul shouts as he turns around with a bottle of Berocca tablets in hand.

"You're going to have one of those as well as a coffee?" Oliver asks, surprised.

"No, I'm going to have one in my coffee" Paul replies, dropping the big orange tablet into his drink.

"Ugh, that is foul" Oliver remarks. I look at him and nod my head in agreement.

"Wait..." Paul pauses, "Better put in two"

"That's disgusting..." I say as he drops another orange tablet into his coffee.

"What's disgusting?" asks a voice behind me.

I didn't recognize this voice. I turned around and for the first time I gazed upon Till Lindemann. He is so tall and broad at his shoulders. His arms are huge. He definitely looks like he'd be strong enough to carry Richard on his own. He isn't wearing a shirt, only tracksuit pants. I quickly turn back to my cereal, blushing from staring at his bare chest. I'm not used to living in a house full of men.

"Paul's making he's stupid hangover cure. He's put two of them awful tablets in this time" Oliver says, replying to Till's question. "You should of probably put a shirt on Till, meeting a lady for the first time, you're probably making her feel uncomfortable"

"She's got to get used to it sooner or later" Paul gasps in between mouthfuls of his concoction. "I mean it’s a house full of men, what do you expect?"

Oliver just rolls his eyes.  
  
"I don't think she minds" Till chuckles as he sits down across the table from me; he could obviously see me blushing. "So you must be Richard's kleine Puppe?" he asks in a thick German accent.

I assumed he called me little doll, I think I remember that’s how Richard said it in German.

"Her name is Lucy" Oliver says, looking at Till with a raised brow.

"So you're the girl who stole Richard's heart eh?" asks Till.  
  
"And his brain too" adds Paul, "Have you heard the soppy shit coming out his mouth?"

"Hey I'm not that bad am I?" I hear Richard ask from behind me. He walks quickly up to Till with a huge smile on his face. "Aahh, my friend! It's been too long!" Till stands up as they grab each others arm and pull in for a hug, giving each other strong pats on the back. "And yes she is my little doll. All mine. So that means you can't touch." Richard adds, pointing to Till as he walks back over to me. He leans over and kisses my cheek softly as he goes to take a seat next to me.

"I wouldn't dream of it Richard!" cries Till.  
  
"Bullshit, you had your hands all over her last night!" shouts Paul, walking over to take a seat at the table next to Till.

"What's that supposed to mean then eh?" Richard asks with an unsurprised smile on his face.

"Till got here from the airport just as we got back from the club. He carried Lucy back to your room while he made us carry you're drunk ass!" exclaims Oliver.

"I helped didn't I?" Till asks innocently, a smirk spreading across his face.

"Well you must have been very gentle, because I didn't wake up..." I announce, summoning all my courage as I look over at Till.

All heads turn from me to Till in curiosity of his reply.Till leans forward and looks me dead in the eye.

"Sweetheart, I'm never gentle." he says, flicking his tongue back and forth at me, breaking into a deep laughter.

The men chiming in, laughing too. I look down as I blush again from embarrassment.

"Hey don't frighten her now Till." says Richard, giving Till a stern look. He turns back at me and rests a hand on mine that's resting on my knee. "He's only joking..."

"No he's not" interrupts Paul, sending the men into laughter again.

I felt uncomfortable, I don't know when I'll get used to all these loud men and their crude jokes. Honestly, that sort of thing never bothered me. But that man, Till. He gave me such a strange feeling. I felt so unsure, it made me feel sick not knowing what the feeling was.

I stand up, Richards hand falling from mine. Richard looks up at me as the men continue laughing.

"Where are you going?" he asks, a concerned look on his face.

"I'm just going to lay down for a bit" I quickly reply, glancing over at Till. His eyes already staring right at me.

My heart stops in fright for a moment as I hurry out of the room and hide behind the wall quietly for a moment longer as I listen.

"Now look what you've done, you've scared her off" cries Paul. "You're like Frankenstein's monster"

"Hey don't be cruel now, it's not my fault she can't take a joke..." Till replies in defense.

"She's not used to men like you" Richard says, turning back to face Till. "She's such an innocent little thing"

"Yeah? Well innocence doesn't last for long.." Till replies.

His words frightened me. Does he know I'm still here? Is he threatening me? I quietly rush back to Richard's room, being careful not to make a sound as to not be found out.


	5. Second Time

Chapter 5  
Second Time

I make it back to the safety of Richard's bed and bury myself under the covers. ‘What’s with that guy?’ I think to myself. That Till is like no one I’ve ever met before. He’s so straight forward and vulgar. Flicking his tongue at me so sexually like that. Does he have no manners? He did it right in front of everyone. I was so shocked and embarrassed.

*Creak…*

I hear the door slowly open.

“Who’s there?” I ask timidly.

“It’s just me” replies Richard’s familiar voice. “Are you okay?” he asks as I feel him sit down on the bed next to me. I can see his shadow through the covers. “Please don’t let Till bother you. He’s just kidding around. He didn’t mean to put you off like that”

“It’s okay” I reply.

“Are you sure?” asks Richard, joining me under the covers, looking into my eyes.

“Yes I’m sure. Just a little embarrassed is all. Is he like that all the time?” I ask.

“Yeah, pretty much all the time. Don’t be embarrassed though. You’re living in a house full of Rammstein members, there’s going to be a lot more crudeness than that. Believe me! You’ll get used to it though. I mean, you always have me right?”

“Right” I smile back. It’s comforting to hear Richard say he’ll always be there. I’ve never really had anyone to look out for me before.

“Ah, there’s that beautiful smile” smiles Richard, his hand reaching out to rest on my cheek. His eyes flicker and I feel his hand slowly fall from my face to my neck.   
“I missed you while I was gone, you know?” says Richard. “All I could think about was you. Your beautiful face, your soft smile. Your body”

His eyes fall from my face and trace down my body, following the lead of his hand.  
   
“All I could think about was when I could come back and play with my little doll. Like that last night I saw you before you left. Do you remember?” he smiles, his hand slipping up my shirt. His eyes darting back to mine. A wicked smile spreading across his mouth.

My heart stops. I knew this moment would come again. It felt good the first time in the end, I know. But, I still feel uneasy.

“Don’t be frightened now.” Richard coo's, noticing the fretful look in my eye. “I’ll make you feel good.”

His hand finds its way to my breast, giving it a gentle squeeze. I draw back from his hand, but he quickly rises over me on all fours, leaving me unable to escape.

“I’ve got you now my little doll” he announces, lowering his face down to mine.

I admit defeat and close my eyes. His soft lips meeting mine. He kisses me gently, as I feel his hand trace down my body again. He sits back on my legs as he pulls me to sit up with him. He pulls my shirt up over my head and tosses it to the floor, watching it fall to the ground. He turns back to me and pushes me back to lie down again. His hands tracing up my arms and back down again, pulling my bra straps with them. He lowers his face down again, kissing me once more as his hand reaches under my back, undoing my bra. He sits back up again and slowly pulls my bra away, throwing it across the floor. His eyes grow wide as he takes in the view. He lowers himself quickly to my breasts, taking one in one hand, and begins to caress my nipple with his tongue. Shocks shoot through my body as I take in the sensation, lifting my body at his tongues’ command.

“That’s right. It feels good doesn’t it?” Richard asks, pausing for a moment as he waits to watch for my confirming nod, then returns to his pleasure.

He’s resting his weight on his left arm against the bed as his right hand slowly slips down from my breast, all the while still teasing my nipple with his tongue. His hand finds its way down to my inner leg and caresses firmly, nearing closer to his target. He slowly brings his hand back up and guides it back down again, this time right under my leggings and panties. He fingers tracing around my lips making me squirm from the light tickling sensation. He wastes no time and slips one finger in, moving it in and out slowly. I exhale heavily at the feeling and Richard giggles in response.

“Didn’t take much, you’re already soaking wet you dirty girl” says Richard, slipping another finger in and increasing his speed.

I feel my heart rate go up and I breathe heavily at his quickening motion. It feels good but he slows down to a stop. I open my eyes and look down at him gazing back at me.

“I want to hear you moan” Richard announces, slipping his fingers out of me and tracing one up to my clit.

Using his finger tip, he begins to play with it back and forth, around and around drawing circles. He’s teasing me right now with a slow pace. Watching the expressions on my face, I close my eyes and turn my head in embarrassment.

“I don’t hear anything yet” he says, quickening his pace and using slightly more pressure.

I try to hold back out of embarrassment, but also because I’m afraid someone will hear us. We’re not alone like last time, but as hard as I try, small whimpers escape my lips. I hear him giggle under his breath.

“I still can’t hear you” he says, now moving his stroke side to side faster and faster as he finds the sweet spot, and I begin to squirm about.

I can’t keep it in anymore and I begin to moan at his will. I try to keep as quiet as I can but the feeling grows more intense as I can feel myself nearing climax. My escaping moans grow louder as his strokes get faster and harder. He’s holding me down with his other arm as I begin to writhe about trying to escape the intense sensation. I let out one last passionate cry as I feel myself tip over the edge. I let myself go as I climax and let the pleasurable feeling wash over me.

“What a great performance” Richard snickers.

I lay there exhausted, breathing heavily trying to regain myself. I feel Richard move from the bed and hear clothing dropping to the floor. Suddenly I feel the blanket ripped off the bed from me leaving me completely exposed. I look up to see Richard standing at the end of the bed completely naked. My eyes dart back up to his, embarrassed at being caught looking at his naked body. He giggles to himself, lowering himself onto the bed, crawling forward to me.

“Now it’s my turn” he says, with a wicked smile.

I grip the sheets as he straddles himself on top of me. Slowly he guides his shaft into me and I let out a whimpering moan.

“You’re so fucking wet. Good thing too, cause I can’t hold back anymore” he smiles, deviously. 

He begins to move in and out slowly. But he picks up his pace quite quick. He lets out a quiet moan as pulsing shaft goes in and out over and over.

“Ugh you feel so good. So tight...” he says, letting out another moan as he picks his pace up again. “All I could think about when I was gone was fucking you and your tight pussy” he lets out another great moan.

His words shock me. No one has ever said dirty things like this to me before. But I don’t get much time to think about it as he starts thrusting harder now and moans begin to escape my mouth again. The feeling growing more intense with every pound he makes. He’s going as fast as he can now and is pounding me with all his might as I can feel he must be nearing climax. My moans become quite loud, almost yelling as it feels like he could almost break me. His moans become louder too and more frequent as he penetrates me with all his might. His hands grab my thighs and his fingertips dig in as lets out one last final yell of pleasure as his member begins to fill me. He stays still breathing heavily. I try to collect myself from the intense pounding I just received.

*Creak..*

“Are you okay in there Richa..”

Our eyes dart to the door and I scream in fright as I cover my naked breasts with my arms as a tall skinny man with glasses stares at us in shock.

“Oh my god I am so sorry!” the man cries out covering his eyes as he steps back out of the door closing it as quickly as he can.

Richard breaks out in laughter. I look at him in disbelief and shock. He looks down at me as he pulls his shaft out. He grabs my arms from my chest and pulls me up to sit up with him. He gives me a long hard kiss, I can feel that he is satisfied as he pulls back away and smiles.

“That was just Flake” says Richard. “Don’t even worry about him, he is harmless. He’s probably shyer than you!” he laughs. He plants a kiss on my forehead and jumps out of bed.

“Come on” he shouts back. “It appears Flake and Christoph have arrived earlier than expected" he begins slipping his clothes back on. “I haven’t seen them in ages! I can’t wait for you to meet them”. He turns back around to me already dressed. “Well I’m gunna go out and see them. Come straight out when you’ve cleaned yourself up”.

I nod as he slips out the door closing it behind him. I fall back down on the bed and rest for a moment as I gather my thoughts. I’ve done it for the second time with Richard Kruspe. There’d be girls out there who’d kill to be where I am right now. But I don’t know how long I’m going to last if he wants to pound me like that all the time.

I’m convinced he will break me.

I chuckle to myself at the silly thought as I sit back up on the edge of the bed.

*Creak..*

I quickly turn to look behind me. Thankfully this time it’s Richard.

“Change of plans” he says. “Everyone’s having showers and getting ready. We’ve decided we’re going out for dinner.”

“Sounds like a good idea” I reply. “There’s not much food in the kitchen” I laugh.

“Yeah sorry, we’ll get that sorted” he replies back. “Well hurry up and get ready Little Doll. I can’t wait to go out”.


	6. Reunited

Chapter 6  
Reunited

I slip out of the car; the cool New York air hits my face. Richard takes my hand and closes the door behind me. We make our way to the entrance of a fancy looking restaurant; it has some French name that I can’t pronounce. We step inside out of the cold and we’re shown to our table. As we walk through the restaurant to the back where I can see our table is, I see that it’s quite lively and not too fancy like where Richard had taken me in the past. It was a relief as I knew the boys are a very rowdy group. That’s probably the reason why it’s at the back, where it’s a bit more private and secluded.

“Ah, how nice of you to join us” Paul sighs sarcastically, the rest of the group turning to face us.

“Thanks for waiting, traffic was a little congested” says Richard, helping me take off my black overcoat to reveal my skin tight red cocktail dress.

It showed off all my curves perfectly, contrasting well with my porcelain complexion and jet black hair. I could see the look of approval in Richards’ eyes as he placed my coat over the back of my chair, pulling my chair out for me to sit down.

“Woah” I heard one of the guys say. I smile to myself pleased at the reaction.

“I bet she looks even better without it on, hey Flake!” yells Paul, obviously referring to our encounter earlier that day.

The whole table breaks out in laughter. I turn bright red of embarrassment, matching Flakes now tomato complexion. I turn to make my escape but Richard stops me.

“Where are you going?” Richard questions. “They’re only joking”.

“It’s okay, I promise” I tell Richard. “I just need to use the bathroom is all” I scurry off towards the restroom as quickly as I can.

I make it into the ladies and walk up to the mirror. I take a few deep breaths and let my heart rate calm down from the embarrassment. Dear lord. This is gunna be one hell of a ride living with these guys. But lord knows I need toughening up. And being thrown in the deep end of the pool of no shame and crudeness should definitely do just that. I look up at myself in the mirror and watch my face return to its normal colour and I sigh a sigh of relief. Time to head back out, but first, I will definitely need a drink.

I walk back out into the restaurant and make my way over to the bar.

“Daiquiri please” I ask the bartender, taking a seat at a bar stool and quietly wait.

Not a moment later I feel a hand gently press at the small of my back and I smile to myself.

“I’m fine I promise. Those boys don’t scare me.” I say as I turn to face who I thought was Richard, but was actually Till. My jaw dropped slightly in surprise.

“Not even a little bit?” Till asks with a smirk on his face as he takes a seat next to me. The bartender serves me my drink, “Scotch on the rocks” Till orders the man.

“Not even a little bit” I reply with all my courage.

Why did he have to come over to me all by himself? I can’t stand the way he makes me feel. I’m that shy around him I feel sick in my stomach. It’s his egotistic behavior that puts me off. And also the sheer size difference of him against me as well, it’s a little daunting. I take a sip of my drink.

“So Flake walked in on you guys, eh?” questions Till, nearly making me choke on my drink. I hear him chuckle under his breath at my reaction. “Lucky man, I bet Paul’s right”.

I look at him confused.

“I mean, that you’d look better without that dress on” he says with a wicked look in his eye.

A look of shock spreads across my face. What the fuck?! Is this guy for real right now? I down the rest of my drink in search of relief or at least a distraction. I can hear him laugh at me and I look back at him, placing my glass down.

“I’m just messing with you” he laughs, “Don’t be so serious”.

The bartender brings over his drink, “Another for the lady” asks Till. He takes a sip of his drink and my crystal choker catches his gaze. “You’ve been wearing that since last night” Till says pointing at it. “Is it your favourite?”

“Something like that” I reply, brushing off his question, not really wanting to tell him any else about it. The bartender serves me my other drink.

“Thank you” I say, I take my drink and go to stand up.

My foot slips from rest on the chair and I lose my balance and nearly fall. But I am saved by two big arms that wrap around me. One holding my waist, while the other holds my hand with my drink to ensure I don’t drop it. It takes me a moment to snap back into reality and I turn to look at him, his eyes staring into mine.

“Are you okay?” he asks. I pull myself away from his strong warm grip. My heart is beating a million miles an hour.

“Yes, thank you” I reply, blushing again.

“Too much to drink already!” Till laughs. “You’re so tiny, I can’t imagine it’d take you much to get drunk” I laugh with him sarcastically as he grabs his drink. “Best we head back now” he says leading me back, touching the small of my back again with his large hand, sending shivers up spine.

We make it back to the table and I make a sigh of relief as I sit down, next to the safety of Richard.

“You weren’t trying to steal my girl back there now were you Till?” Shouted Richard sarcastically at Till who was seated the opposite end of the table to me.

“Of course not old friend!” Till shouted back in response, staring me in the eye as he took another sip from his glass. I turn my gaze back to Richard.

“What are we having to eat, Richard?” I ask.

“Whatever you like” he replies back, placing a menu in front of me. My eyes run over the pages as I listen to the chatter of our group. I order the Confit De Canard, then take another sip of my drink as the rest of the table give their orders as well to the waiter.

“So this is Christoph” Richard says to me pointing over to the cute curly haired man. “Christoph, das ist meine kleine Puppe” he says to Christoph, pointing to me as I give him a wave and a warm smile.

“Nice to finally meet you” Christoph smiles back, “I’ve heard a lot about you”.

“And you’ve already met Flake” Richard says pointing at the once again tomato red Flake. Everyone laughs again and he shyly replies, “Hallo”.

“So you’re a model, eh?” asks Christoph. “What type of modelling do you do?” Paul and Till look at each other and chuckle in amusement.

“Get your mind out of the gutter you two” groans Oliver, as I down the rest of my drink again.

“Mostly Lolita work” I reply.

I see most of the faces confused by the foreign word.

“I dress up in frilly dresses and cute clothes that make me look like a doll.” A wave of ‘ ah’s ’ drifts around the table. I giggle at the response, feeling my first drink start to kick in. Another is magically placed in front of me, and the waiter has already disappeared.

“So Richard told me that’s how he met you, was at one of your shoots” says Christoph, “I’m going to assume now that that’s where his nick name for you comes from”

“Yeah! You should see her all dressed up. She looks exactly like a little doll, it’s insane!” Richard replies enthusiastically.

“Well I’ll have to come check you out at one of your shoots sometime” replies Christoph, smiling my way as I feel myself blush.

“Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey now” Richard starts to slur, setting down his beer. I mustn’t have noticed that he has had a couple to drink since we’ve arrived. I know he had a few before we left. It appears he likes to drink, this German boyfriend of mine. “Don’t go getting any ideas now fellas. She’ll all mine remember” he states as he very awkwardly tries to pull me closer from around the corner of the table.

“Calm down, no one’s taking her from you, you fool”  cries Till, annoyed; downing the last of his drink and looking back at me.

Luckily I am saved from his gaze as my meal arrives and I pull myself from the growing ever so sloppy, Richard.

My slow cooked duck is amazing, and the rest of the group voices their approval of their own meals as well. For the rest of the night we drink and talk some more. The guys all share what they’ve been up to for the last few months that they’ve all been apart for. They share stories of vacations, crazy fans and one night stands. They talk about business, the band and where the near future is heading. They ask Richard about his new solo venture. He beams as he talks about everything. Writing new music and lyrics, and looking forward to touring on his own. He says they’ve squeezed in one last song onto the album and they’re finishing recording it tomorrow, so he can’t spend the day with them.

“Would you like to come with me?” Richard asks, staring into my eyes. “I’d love you to come with me, and watch how everything’s done”

I’m put on the spot with his proposition as I unfortunately have to turn him down. “I’m sorry but I can’t” I reply, “I have another shoot tomorrow, remember?”

“Ah, yes I remember, I’m sorry” replies Richard with a sad look in his eyes. “I promise I’ll come pick you up when you’re done and I’ll treat you to dinner somewhere nice” he smiles back.

“That sounds nice” I reply with a warm smile.

After a few more drinks and stories told, we decide to head home. Tomorrow was going to be a big day for Richard and I, and we needed sleep. Oliver helps me with my coat as he curses Richard for drinking too much as usual, wishing him a hangover in the morning. I am half expecting one as I don’t usually drink. And the few drinks I’ve downed tonight have left me off balance and my head buzzing. I yearn for my warm bed!

We make it out to the cars and continue on home. Richard falling asleep almost instantly, leaving me to my thoughts. I think I’ll get used to the boys, I think I’ll really like living with them. I may become an alcoholic in the process, but I need to loosen up. I look at this as a positive change in my mind. I cannot wait to see what the future holds!

I just can’t shake the feeling I get from Till though. It’s a confusing feeling that I don’t understand. But it’s embedded in the back of my mind, pushing its way into my thoughts every time I see him. Only time will tell.


	7. Another Encounter

Chapter 7  
Another encounter

 

We’re finally taking the last few shots for the day. The day has been long and tiring and I’m relieved that it’s nearly over. Don’t get me wrong, getting your hair and makeup done and trying on lots of cute outfits is always fun. But our late night out last night has me worn out. I must remember to never drink before a shoot again, I feel so dehydrated.

“One more smile for the camera, sweet heart” cries the photographer.

Today’s shoot was similar to the last one I had when I met Richard in the sense of gothic. It’s been a series of supernatural and vampire scenes which has actually been really fun. Instead of having really cute and colourful sets and outfits, it’s been dark and mysterious, and even scary settings for the shoot.

I give one last pose to the camera as the cameras flash. This last shoot is my favourite by far. I’m on all fours in sexy black lace lingerie looking up at the camera, resting over a muscly man and we’re both splattered with fake blood. It’s a vampire type scene where I have captured my prey and it’s ended very messy. It by far has been the most fun to create.

“And that’s it, we’ve got it” the photographer cries out again. “Everyone can get cleaned up, that’s a wrap”.

And just like that the day is over, thank god. The handsome model and I help each other up and we’re both helped into dressing gowns. We’re shown back to our dressing rooms and I look around the room searching for Richard. I can’t see him so he must be waiting outside. I get back to my dressing room and I have a shower, washing away all the fake blood. I touch up my makeup and hair again then start packing up my things. As I’m putting my new outfits into my bag, I hear my mobile go off. I smile as I see it’s a message from Richard. But my smile slowly fades as I read on,

_“Sorry I won’t be able to make it tonight. I’ve arranged someone to pick you up. Richard x.”_

My heart sinks a little as I finish reading the message. I know he’ll always be busy and have priorities with work, but I was so looking forward to seeing him. I was so excited to tell him about my amazing shoot. I take a deep breath and push it to the back of my mind as I finish packing up my things. I zip up my bag and begin to make my way downstairs.

I make my way through the wide front doors and the sun has almost completely disappeared. It’s not as cool as it has been so spring must finally be around the corner, a month late though. I look around and I can’t see any of the boys, I wonder who will be picking me up. I go to take a seat on a bench but I see a black car pull up to the sidewalk.  The driver, an elderly man, gets out and asks “Miss Lucy?”

“That’s me” I smile, the man taking my bag from me and putting it in the boot of the car. He walks back around opens the back door for me to get in. I slide into the car and clip myself in.

“Hallo, little doll”

I jump in my seat slightly as I am startled by my unknown fellow passenger. I shoot my gaze over to see the large muscled, dark haired man that is Till. What is he doing here? He giggles at me under his breath.

“I apologize, I didn’t mean to frighten you” he says as the driver gets back in and starts to drive.

“What are you doing here?” I respond, still in shock.

“Richard called me and said that he wouldn’t be able to come pick you up like he said he would. All of the other guys already had plans so I said I would come get you” he replies.

“Oh, thank you. You didn’t have to do that” I reply in shock, surprised that he wanted to help me out.

“Don’t worry about it, I owed Richard a favor” he replies, brushing it off. 

My heart sunk. Are you kidding me? I guess what else could I expect. He’s not here to spend time with me out of the kindness of his heart. He’s just doing it cause he has to. I can’t wait till I’m home and away from him.

“So where do you want to go for dinner?” he asks. I look at him in surprise.

“Oh, you don’t have to take me out for dinner, I’ll just find something at home" I reply.

“Richard promised that he’d take you out for dinner. He can’t keep that promise so I’ll keep it for him” Till says.

“Its fine, really I  ...” I stutter.

“I want to” Till stops me mid-sentence. I sit back in my seat in shock of his response. Maybe he does care?

“I want to make it up to you, I owe Richard” he adds.

My heart sinks again. I make a mental note not to believe that Till has human feelings towards me again.  The rest of the car ride is silence; we both look our separate ways out of the windows at the passing buildings.

The car slows down to a stop in a quieter part of the city I’ve never been. I assume it’s for obvious reasons, less people, less fans who would recognize the lead singer of Rammstein. I get out of the car as Till does, avoiding the awkwardness of if he was to help me out of the car. He shows me to a restaurant down a secluded alleyway. The building is made from dirty old brick, but we came to a bright red timber door that reads, ‘Krüger Haus’. Till opens the door and leads me inside; my eyes light up. It might not have looked like much from the outside, but inside it's like I had been transported to Germany! It looks like a traditional half-timbered German Inn. It's bustling with people enjoying themselves, eating traditional German foods and drinking plenty of beer in large glasses. We’re shown to a table upstairs where it’s less crowded, Till receiving a few points and stares as we go. We sit down at our table which is in a more secluded quiet spot. The waiter obviously recognizes Till and begins talking in German. Till replies to him in German as well, and then the man is off.

“What did he say?” I ask curiously.

“I ordered our meals” Till replies.

“Oh, okay” I reply hesitantly. I guess I don’t get to choose what I’m eating then, jeez.

“Trust me, you’ll like it” he reassures me.

“Okay...” I respond.

We sit in silence for a few minutes, but if felt like forever! I was enjoying the atmosphere and the change of scenery but I decided it was time to break the awkward silence.

“So how was your day… Oh my god!” I say in shock as two huge Maßkrug full of beer are placed in front of us.

Till picks up one of the oversized glasses and moves it towards me, “Prost”.

“I don’t know that I can drink all of that Till, it’s huge.” I reply in shock.

“Prost” he says again.

“But I…” I start.

“If you don’t toast and say Prost before you drink you’ll be cursed with 7 years of bad sex” he interrupts, impatiently.

I urgently pick up the heavy glass with both my hands, “Prost” I say meeting my glass with his. He chuckles at my reaction as he takes a large swig of beer. I take a sip of mine. It’s not bad, but I don’t know if I should be drinking after last night.

“Don’t want bad sex eh?” Till laughs.

“I don’t think anyone wants that” I reply, embarrassed.

“Well you guys mustn’t be too bad if you’re that loud Flake had to go in and make sure Richard was okay” Till burst out in laughter. I feel my face go bright red. I definitely need alcohol; as I take a few big mouthfuls. “Hey, hey slow down, I’m sorry. I’m just kidding around” he says, still chuckling; his face red from laughing so hard.

“Well at least you broke the silence” I reply back.

I turn to see two waiters approach our table with plates full of food. My eyes lit up as they placed each one in front of us and then excused themselves.

“Oh my god” the words escape my mouth in shock. “Is all this for us?”

“Ja, I wanted you to try the food I eat back home, what I grew up eating” he replies, slightly blushing as I look at him surprised at his response. “Ah!” he shakes off our awkward stare and begins pointing at plates. “There’s Bratwurst, Currywurst, Sauerkraut, *Bratkartoffeln, *Spätzle, *Schweinsbraten, *Eisbein.”  I’m in awe of the variety of food, there’s other side dishes there too that he didn’t point out like this huge Pretzel, and there’s toasted Rye bread with this delicious cheesy dipping sauce.

“Wow” I reply just before a loud grumble escapes my belly.

“Someone must be hungry” Till laughs as my cheeks go red.

“Yeah I haven’t eaten since last night” I reply casually. Till looks at me oddly displeased for some reason. “The photographers aren’t really happy if I look bloated at shoots, so i try not to eat too much...” I reply nervously.

“Well you better eat up now then” Till announces, plonking a huge Bratwurst and some Sauerkraut onto my plate. “Try it”

I take my knife and fork and load it up with some of the meat and cabbage and try it for the first time. My eyes light up.

“Wow this is delicious!” I beam as I load up another forkful.

I glance up to see a smile spreading across the large German’s face. He takes it upon himself to fill my plate with each different food to try as I eat what he’d given me before. Each mouthful of the foreign cuisine fills me with pleasure and happiness.

“I could eat this stuff every day!” I say excitedly, washing my mouthful of food down with a few large mouthfuls of beer.

“I’m glad” Till laughs with a big smile on his face. “I like a woman who enjoys her food”.

I choke on my beer at his remark which causes him to laugh again. He signals the waiter for another beer which in no time is placed in front of me.

“I can’t believe you’ve finished that” he says pointing to my empty glass.

“Lucky I’ve eaten a stupid amount of food to soak it all up” I reply.

“I can’t believe that either” he chuckles. “How about desert?” 

“NEIN!” I cry, breaking out into laughter, Till laughing back at me.

“I see it hasn’t soaked up enough alcohol” he says with a smile, noticing that I’m definitely getting drunk. “Maybe that’ll be the last beer for the night too”

“It’s fine!” I say, “I need to learn to loosen up more and not be so scared of things.”

I realize what I’ve just said and think to myself, maybe I _should_ stop drinking and shut up. I laugh at myself.

“If you say so.” Till replies with a look of uncertainty.

“How was your shoot?” he asks me.

“It was great!” I gush. “I had so much fun today; it was different to my usual shoots. I got to dress up all gothic and it was all creepy and scary like, and I got to be a vampire and there was blood and I got to wear sexy lingerie and have fangs!” I blurted out in an excited rush of words. Realizing now how much the alcohol is affecting me. Till giggles at my excitedness to which I laugh back at him.

“It sounds like you had a great day, I wish I could have been there” he says with a smile.

I smile back blushing; it’s nice to hear someone take an interest in my work.

“The whole blood and you lingerie, I would definitely like to see” he says with a devious smile.

I feel myself go pale now and I reach for my oversized beer.

“I’m kidding, I’m kidding. Please don’t drink anymore” he laughs as he grabs my hand and lowers the beer back down. “You get embarrassed and worked up too easily. Like you said, you need to loosen up a bit. Just don’t get drunk everytime you need to; It’s not a good habit. I mean look at Richard.” I nod in agreeance with him and then laugh as I think about Richard being drunk. Till smiles as I brighten up again, “It doesn’t suit you to be drunk, just be yourself. People love you enough just for that” I stop laughing as I listen to what he says.

“Thanks” I say as I watch him down the rest of his drink.

The empty large glass hits the table and his eyes trail up and fix on my neck.

“You’re wearing that same necklace again.” Till points out. “Don’t you own any others? I’m sure Richard would love to buy you one”.

I drop eye contact and take a deep breath in as I can’t get away from explaining it this time.

“Richard actually bought this for me” I reply, looking back into his confused eyes.

“Ah, I see now.” He says, followed by a mixed look of confusion and concern. “It does come off right?”

I look away embarrassed by what my next answer will be.

“Does it come off?” Till questions again sternly.

“Well, Richard has the key...” I reply nervously.

“So it’s a collar?” Till interrupts angrily.

I feel myself retreat inside at the sudden confrontation; I don’t know why he’s getting upset all of a sudden. It’s none of his concern, why does he care?

* _Ring, ring_ *

I’m saved from the growing heated conversation as Till pulls out his buzzing phone.

“Hallo” he answers impatiently. “Ja I am with her.”

It must be Richard wondering where we are. I look at one of the many hand carved wooden cuckoo clocks on the wall and see that it’s almost 10 o’clock already. I can’t believe how long we’ve been out, how much time did I spend stuffing my face? I feel my bloated belly as it makes a displeasing grumble. I don’t think I’ve ever eaten so much food in my life.

“No don’t worry about it; we’re on our way back now. No, she’s fine” Richard must be worried why we’re out so late.  
“Okay Tschüss”. He ends the call annoyed. “Come on we’re going”.

We walk back downstairs towards the bar area so Till can find someone to pay for our meals. As he begins talking to someone in his thick German accent, I take the opportunity to go outside back to the alleyway to seek some relief from our now turned uneasy atmosphere.

As I step outside I already feel better as I breathe in the fresh air. I slowly begin to walk down the alleyway; my fingertips tracing along the bricks as I go, helping me keep my balance.

* _Wolf whistle_ *

I stop in my tracks as I’m startled by the sound of someone whistling behind me. A tall, well-groomed blonde haired man walks around to stop in front of me, leaning up against the cool brick wall.

“Hey cutie” he says. I blush at the handsome man’s comment. “What are you doing out here by yourself? Did you get sick of that old guy?” I drop my smile as I now realize I am all alone out here with him. “You’re too pretty to be going out with an old man like that” he says running his hand along my cheek.

I push his hand away in fright and start to back away. I don’t want to be here right now. He pushes me up against the wall making my head bang against the bricks. I moan in pain of my head hitting the wall along with the disorientation of the alcohol kicking in. He walks up real close to me, grabbing my chin forcefully with his hand.

“You trying to get away from me cutie?” he asks snidely, my head throbbing in pain. “But we’re gunna have such a good time together. Don’t you want to have a good time with me?”

He forces his lips on mine, kissing me with a disturbing hunger. I try to move away but his hand still has my face pinned, and the other fondling me over my shirt. I can barely breathe as his face smothers mine. His hand, touching me all over for what feels like forever. I feel his hand start to slip up my shirt. I close my eyes as I helplessly admit defeat.

* _Smack_ *

I feel his hands slip away and I open my eyes. I stand back in shock as I view Till landing another punch to the blonde man’s face, this time knocking him to the ground. Till enraged, walks up to the man, pulling him up by the collar of his shirt, close enough for him to land a few more punches. The blonde man helplessly taking the brute force of the muscled German man.

“Till, please!” I cry out, in utter shock of everything that is unfolding.

I feel myself go numb.

Till releases the man from his grip and he flops back to the ground, not unconscious, but definitely in need of help. Till turns back to the restaurant door where a waiter and a few patrons are standing with shocked expressions on their face.

“Call the police!” Till roars furiously, the waiter running back inside to a phone at his command.

He walks up towards me and grabs my hand, practically dragging me out of the alleyway. I feel my face go hot and tears start to well up in my eyes. I see same black car from before already waiting for us and Till opens the door for me to get in. As I slide into the seat, Till surprises me, ushering me to move along as he gets in next to me. Closing the door behind him, I can’t hold them back anymore and the tears roll down my face. Till dims the cab divider so that it turns to a dark tinted glass to hide away from the driver. He pulls me close to him and I let myself go.

The whole drive home no words are spoken, I’m too upset, and Tills’ too angry. But I appreciate the comfort he’s lending me. I can’t even bare to think what would have happened if he hadn’t of come out and rescued me when he did. I grip onto his chest as my tears soak his shirt, he holds me tighter. He’s embrace is strong and warm. Right now I feel like there’s nothing else that could hurt me while in his hold. I feel safe.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Bratkartoffeln (Fried potato slices, often with diced bacon and/or onions)  
> *Spätzle (handmade egg noodles)  
> *Schweinsbraten (Sliced Pork roast)  
> *Eisbein (Ham Hock)


	8. Babe

 

Chapter 8  
Babe

The car pulls up to the front of the apartment building. Till pulls his large arm from around me, and I snap back into reality. I sit up, wiping my eyes with the backs of my hands. I start to rummage through my purse and pull out my concealer and pressed powder. Thank god I am an organized person. I start to touch up the red skin around my eyes, covering the swollenness from all my crying.

“Are you okay?” Till asks me.

I keep my eyes focused on the tiny compact mirror, “Yes I’m fine”

“Are you sure? You did an awful lot of crying just now. I just want to make sure you’re alright” Till says.

I look over to him as I snap my compact shut, my makeup all fixed up. He has a concerned look in his face and his eyes are heavy.

“I’ll be fine” I smile, pushing back the tears that I can feel building up again. “Thank you though. That guy was no match for you hey?” I try to laugh off.

The expression on Tills’ face shows that he’s not convinced of my sudden changed mood. But I don’t want to talk about it. The more I think about it, the more I want to cry, and I told him I’m trying to be braver. I’m trying so hard right now.

His eyes fill with pain as I look down to see him place his hand on mine. I look back to his eyes again confused. I pull my hand from his touch and let myself out of the car. What is he doing? Is he trying to console me or confuse me? I’ve never seen this side of Till before. Wondering if I’m alright, showing affection. I shake the thought from my mind. I don’t want to think about this night ever again. I hear a car door shut as I turn to see Till heading towards me now. We make our way into the building and up to our floor.

As I open the front door and walk in, I am startled by Richard who is already there, patiently waiting. He jumps up and embraces me, his warm hold making me feel better. But I still have to fight back the tears. I just want to break down in front of him, have him tell me everything is okay. But I don’t want him to know.

Nothing happened and it doesn’t matter.

I pull myself together as he pulls himself away, but not before leaving a kiss on my cheek. 

“I’m sorry we’re late” I say to Richard. “We lost track of time”.

“That’s okay, where were you guys though?” Richard asks anxiously.

“You said you were going to take her out for dinner” Till spoke up from behind me. “She was hungry so we got something to eat”

Thanks, blame it on me.

“Ugh, I’m so sorry I couldn’t take you myself like I’d promised” Richard says to me.

“Well don’t make promises you can’t keep” Till says annoyed. Richard pays no attention.

“I’ve got something for you though; I think it’ll make up for it” Richard says looking excited. Till brushes past us. “Hey Till! I want you to hear it too”

“Hear it?” I ask confused. Richard takes my hand and smiles as he leads me into the lounge area, with Till following behind. Richard and I take a seat on one of the large couches and Till leans himself against the door.

“Remember how I said we were squeezing one last song onto the album?” Richard asked and I nodded in reply. “Well I want to show it to you. I wrote it for you” he smiles.  
It takes a few seconds for it to process, but my eyes widen and I sit back in surprise.

“You wrote a song for me?” I can’t believe it.

A smile spreads across my face, I’m so excited right now. I look over to see Till, but he’s not showing the same excitement as I am. He looks vacant as he just stares at me.  
What’s his problem?

“Well do you want to hear it?” Richard asks.

“Yes!” I reply excited as he picks up a remote for the sound system and presses play.

The song starts out slow but I already like it so far. I get butterflies as Richards voice on the recording starts to sing.

   'You're so pure, so sure again  
   Whatever you do, we will laugh again  
   I'm like you, a fool again  
   Whenever I fell, I got up again

   Babe you don't have to be afraid in my eyes  
   Babe, don't be ashamed

   Find your way and lose again  
   Wherever you are you can choose again  
   Your heart will break, and heal again  
   And one day will come when you believe again

   Babe, you don't have to be afraid in my eyes  
   Babe, don't be ashamed  
   Babe, you don't have to be afraid in my eyes  
   Babe, I'm so glad that you stayed'

Richard hits the pause button on the remote, “So... What do you think?” he asks anxiously.

“I love it! I can’t believe you wrote me a song!” I reply starting to tear up. What an emotional night.

“I’m so glad! Don’t cry though, just be happy” he smiles, wiping away a stray tear.

“I am happy; no one’s ever done anything like that for me before” I smile.

“What do you think Till? Did I do an alright job?” Richard asks looking past me towards Till.

I turn around to face Till and he still has that same vacant look, almost unimpressed with his arms folded. We lock eyes for a moment before he breaks off our stare and walks away.

I turn back to Richard, “Did we do something wrong?” I ask confused.

“Nah, Till’s just like that sometimes.” Richard says brushing it off. “He’s probably just jealous I got to write a song for a girl and he didn’t” Richard laughs. “Don’t let it worry you, he’s fine”

I am so confused. Why did he walk off just now? Didn’t he like Richards’ song?

“I’m so happy you like the song” Richard smiles.

“It fits me, saying don’t be afraid and stuff, that’s exactly what I’m trying to do” I laugh.

“I mean it though, I’m so glad that you’ve stayed with me. I’m so lucky to have you.” Richard says, coming closer to me.

He places a soft kiss on my lips, and I feel my heart start to beat faster. He starts to kiss me more passionately now as he places his hand on the back of my head to pull me in closer. I pull back and wince in pain.

“Are you okay?” he looks at me worriedly.

“Yeah, just hit my head at the shoot today is all” I lie.

He brushes it off rather quickly and returns to his hungry kiss, moving his hand to my neck.  I feel my heart beat faster and I start to grow panicked, but keep on returning the passionate kisses as Richard lays me down on the couch. All I can think of is that blonde haired man touching me in the alley way. As much as I try to suppress the disturbing thoughts, they keep coming up. Richard’s lips kissing where that man’s lips had violated before.

My head is thumping in pain as it lies against the suede couch. I feel myself trembling as Richard’s kisses grow stronger and he props himself up over me. I really start to panic and I can’t take it anymore as I feel Richard’s hand slide up my shirt the same way that awful man’s did. I pull away from his lips and push his hand from me as I sit up as quickly as I can.

“What’s wrong?” Richard asks, confused and worried; looking over my panicked expression.

“I’m sorry, I just can’t do this right now” I stammer, catching my breath, focusing on my breathing, trying to calm down.

“But why? Did something happen today?” Richard asks, confused.

“No… I’m just really tired is all, I had such big day” I calmly lie. I look up to meet Richards stare.

“You’re tired?” he asks unsure and slightly annoyed.

“Yeah, and my head still hurts from where I knocked it, I just need to get some rest is all.” I reply.

His expression turns to disappointment but it looks like he’s believed my story. He lets out a sigh runs a hand through his hair. I feel bad lying to him, but I can’t bare to tell him the truth.

“You’ll just have to make it up to me again some other time” he says, struggling an annoyed smile.

“I will! I’ll make it up to you.” I assure him. I give him a quick kiss on the cheek as I jump up off the couch.

As soon as I turn to make my way out of the room, my eyes fill with tears and they run down my face. I feel disgusting and helpless, and now Richard is upset because of me. I make a course for our room but I am stopped as Till steps out of the kitchen, coffee in hand. He looks down at me, his expression changes at the sight of the tears rolling down my cheeks. I wipe them away with my hands as his concerned gaze darts to look towards Richard walking up behind me, searching his face for an explanation. I can see Till looks confused as he studies Richard’s annoyed look of disappointment. I take the opportunity and slip past Till, quickly making my way to my room. I hear Richard tell Till to ‘fuck off’ as he pushes his way past him. He’s obviously not impressed that I turned him down. I think for a moment and realize, Richard has probably never been denied sex in his entire life.  Girls practically throw themselves at him, so this would be a new experience for him.

I grab my pajamas and a change of underwear as I walk into the room. I quickly make a dash for the bathroom before Richard walks in, to save anymore awkward contact. I lock the door behind me and turn the shower on.

I get undressed and step into the warm shower of water. I let it run over me completely. Running through my hair, running down my face; masking the tears that start to fall. I can barely hold myself up, overcome with emotion. I curl up on the floor of the shower and I just cry. Silent tears, being careful as to not let Richard hear me.  I just sit there for what feels like forever, the water feeling like bullets on the back of my head. But I don’t care, I’m numb to the physical pain right now.

*Knock, knock*

“Are you okay?” I hear Richard’s voice from behind the door. “You’ve been in there a while.”

“I’m fine” I stammer out in surprise. “It’s just hard to wash my hair with my head so sore” I lie.

I hear he’s footsteps back away from the door and my tears start to flow again. I grab my loofah and some shower gel and begin to scrub vigorously. Luckily that man didn’t really touch me under my clothes, but I still felt dirty. I felt disgusted that I was so helpless and couldn’t get away from his excited and hurtful hands. I scrub my face, my neck, my chest, anywhere I felt him touch me, till my skin feels raw; my porcelain complexion turning to a bright pinky red. I look at my skin in disgust and my despair turns to anger. I toss the loofah away and rinse myself off, my eyes burning and my head throbbing. I turn the shower off and get out. I grab a towel and dry myself off walking up to the mirror.

 _You helpless little girl, you’re disgusting_.

I push my tears and my awful thoughts to the back of my head as best I can. I get dressed and wipe away the remaining tears from my face as I open the bathroom door. The bedroom light is off and I can see that Richard is already in bed. I switch off the bathroom light and make my way to the bed, slipping in under the covers. I wait for Richard to turn around and hold me close to him like he always does; but he doesn’t.

I want to tell him everything and make him understand. All I want is for him to hold me and tell me that everything is alright, for him not to care that we didn’t have sex.  My mind is racing with thoughts of Richard, that man, and Till… I breathe easier as the thought of him crosses my mind. He had shown me so much kindness tonight, and he saved me from that man. All I can think of is his warm arms around me, holding me as I cried. Then my mind flicks to when he went to hold my hand. I run through my thoughts trying to decipher his actions. Was he just trying to comfort me, or were his intentions more than that? Was it just my imagination, or did Till feel something towards me?  
I brushed off the thought, thinking back to earlier when he said he was only taking me out because he owed Richard.

But then I think of when Till walked out when Richard played the song he wrote for me. Was he jealous?

Ughh, I am so confused. A million different thoughts and emotions are running through my head right now and it feels like it might explode. I need some air.

I get up out of bed; I look back towards Richard who hasn’t moved. He must be asleep. I put on a cardigan that was hanging over one of my bags and leave the room as quietly as I can, closing the door behind me.

I make my way down the hall, heading for the balcony outside. I find myself stopped in my tracks. I look up to see that I’m standing at Till’s door.

I feel my body ache as it yearns to go inside his room to him. I need to feel that same warm affection that Till had shown me before. I knew that he could make me feel better. I toss up back and forth in my mind whether to go in to him. Would he be fine with just talking to me for a while? I feel my hand reach up and rest on the doorknob. I count down in my head to twist the knob and open the door. But I am stopped by the sound of footsteps in the room. I panic and make an escape around the corner as quickly and as silently as I can manage. From around the corner I can hear his door open then close again after a few moments. I nervously wait or him to walk around the corner and find me; but he doesn’t. I let go of a sigh of relief and continue on my original route to the balcony.

I step outside and close the glass door behind me. The air is freezing, but I don’t take any notice. I sit down on the cold concrete and pull my knees up to me and hold them close. I sit there for what feels like hours. The whole time, not even a tear escaped my eyes. I just sat there in silence, not even thinking about anything. Just numb.

 

I’m jolted awake by the sound of sirens going off in the street below. I must have drifted off to sleep.

I look up to the sky and see the faintest of an orange hue beginning to form. It’s nearly morning. How long have I been out here?

I struggle to get up, frozen in the same position as I sat down in. I make my way back inside. Past Tills room, which for some reason, his door is open? I don’t take much notice and head back to my warm bed. Richard is still in the same position I left him as I slip back under the covers. I want to cuddle up next to him, but my frozen skin would surely wake him. I’m close enough that he’s manly body heat warms me up in no time. I grab a stray pillow to cuddle up to as I feel my tired eyes close shut.


	9. The Morning After

Chapter 9  
The Morning After

I strain my tired eyes as I look up to the alarm clock next to the bed. It’s just past nine.

I roll over to see Richard, but he’s already gone. He still has heaps of work to do with finalizing his album; finishing his new song he wrote. I smile to myself at the thought of him writing it for me. But the smile fades away as I remember the way we left things last night. I feel terrible for denying him like that, but I couldn’t help it. All I could think about was that man in the alleyway. And just like that, all of the memories come flooding back, hitting me like a wave. I get out of bed to make myself busy; I need to distract myself.

I walk into the bathroom and face myself in the mirror. I don’t usually wear makeup when I’m just staying home, but today I will be. My eyes are puffy; my skin is irritated and red from all the scrubbing I did last night. There are even patches that sting as I touch them, where I’ve practically rubbed them raw. It didn’t feel like I was doing any harm at the time; I was so numb to it all.

I’m an absolute mess.

I quickly fix my hair and do my makeup, covering up my shameful appearance. I put on a change of clothes; some black leggings and a grey cardigan over my black singlet to cover up my raw arms. I don’t have a shirt that covers up my chest so I look around and find myself a scarf to wrap around my neck, gently covering the patches there that’ve been scrubbed too hard. 

I make my way out to the kitchen to grab myself a much needed coffee, I feel so drained right now. I decide I need to drink as much water as I can today, as I can’t remember drinking any at all the last few days. That’s probably another reason I feel so shit right now. I make my way outside to the balcony for some fresh air.

As I step outside, I’m not hit with the cool breeze I had been expecting. Spring is finally making an entrance and I feel the warm sun on my face. Now I feel a bit silly at how rugged up I must look for this weather. I sit down in one of the chairs around their outdoor table. The hot coffee fills me up as I stare off into the city scape, taking in the busy city below.

“Guten Morgen, Lucy” a voice says, startling me.  

I look over to see Paul walk outside, coffee in hand.

“Good morning” I smile as he walks over and takes a seat next to me, setting down his coffee.

“Ah it’s finally warming up” sighs Paul, lighting up a Cigarette, taking a long, satisfying draw. He points the packet in my direction offering me one.

“No thank you” I say, as he tosses it away on the table.

“You still cold?” Paul asks pointing at my attire.

“Just a bit” I brush off with a smile. I have no intentions of revealing the real reason of why I’m covered up. “You’re up early” I remark in regards to our exceptionally late start a couple days ago.

“Ja” Paul exhales a cloud of smoke into the air. “I didn’t get up to much yesterday. Had myself an early night’s sleep for once.” He smiled at me, taking a sip of his coffee.

“What did you get up to yesterday?” I enquire, taking another sip of my own coffee.

“Oliver, Christoph, Flake and I had an interview for a magazine yesterday for Rammstein.”

“Just the four of you?” I ask surprised.

“Ja, those are my favourite. Till or Richard aren’t there to steal the spotlight from the rest of us” he winks at me and I follow it up with a giggle.  
  
“How about you? How was your shoot yesterday?” Paul asks.

“It was really good, it was so different from my usual shoots. It was dark and scary, and there was blood. It was a heap of fun” I smiled.

“Sounds like a good time” Paul smiled. “Is modelling all you’ve ever done?”

“Yeah, it’s the only job I’ve ever had. I just so happened to be looking at some cute dresses in a boutique store one day, coincidentally when the store owner was there. She liked the look of me so much she asked me to model some of her designs for advertising, and the rest is history.”

“Wow, sounds like it was fate. Do you enjoy it?” he asks.

“It’s all I’ve ever known. But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy it. But when I first started, I sure was scared. The first few shoots, all I wanted to do was throw up!” I laugh, Paul joining in.

“So what about you? Do you enjoy being in Rammstein?” I ask curious, drinking the last of my coffee.

Paul sighs as he looks off into the distance, thinking of what to say.

“I can’t think of anything better” he says turning back to me, smiling. “Our little group is like a family, I’d be lost without them. And when we’re up on stage, we just have the best time” his smile grows even bigger. “We owe it all to our fans, we wouldn’t be where we are right now, able to do the things we do without them.” His eyes square in on me, like he’s trying to figure something out. “Speaking of fans; how’s a girl like you get into metal anyway?”

I laugh at his question, as it’s the millionth time I’ve heard it.

“When I was young I didn’t have many influences growing up. My parents are strange people; they were very disconnected from me, so I didn’t really learn much from them. The only real friend and influence I had back then was my uncle. While he was still alive, he would try to stop around and see me every weekend. He was my inspiration” I smile, thinking about him. “There’s not a single day that he doesn’t cross my mind. Without him, I would be a complete shut in with even less social skills than I have now” I laugh. “He was a roadie at some point in his life for some band and was intent on showing me ‘the good stuff’. He’d leave a different cd for me to listen to every week. All rock and metal groups like ‘Black Sabbath’, ‘Iron Maiden’, ‘Kiss’; all of those types.”

“He sounds like an awesome uncle” Paul smiled.

“Yeah he was..” my mind drifted off, taking my smile with it.

“Anyways!” Paul smiled, trying to change the subject as to no impose on me. “Funny story how you and Richard met, eh.”

“What did he tell you exactly?” I asked growing concerned.

“Everything” Paul winked, then laughing at himself.

“Oh god, of course he did” I moan, realizing nothing is secret here.

Paul laughs again, “Nah, Richards a good guy. He’s always talking about the first time he saw you. I told him he was fuckin creepy staring at someone he didn’t know for 8 hours, but I guess that worked out for him in the end, hey.”

I laugh at Paul’s remark.

“I think he was a bit upset he didn’t get to see your shoot yesterday.” I saddened at the sound of his words. Yesterday wasn’t really a great day for Richard at all.

“But lucky Till came and picked you up aye. I heard he took you to ‘das Krüger Haus’. Good food, hey?” Paul asked excited.

My mood picked up at his excitement and I smiled, “Yeah it was really great, Till ordered so many different plates of food, I’d never eaten so much in my life”

“Eh? Is that right? You got spoilt then. That doesn’t sound like Till at all” Paul says, surprised.

“Really?” I think to myself for a moment then work up the courage to ask Paul, “Say, do you mind if I ask you something? About Till”

“Sure” says Paul.

“What type of person is he? I mean, he gives me a strange feeling and I find him very hard to read” I say.

Paul laughs at my remark, “You and everyone else, Lucy. Till isn’t someone who is easily read. He shuts his emotions away and keeps to himself, he’s quite the opposite of your boyfriend.”

“I see” I reply.

“And as for giving off strange feelings, he does that to everyone” Paul laughs. “He’s a rather mysterious man, I guess you could say” Paul says jokingly.

I’m not really sure that was the answer I was looking for, but anyway.

“As for the type of person he is, Till is a good man.” I sit up and pay close attention to what Paul has to say. “He’s not the best at showing his emotions; but he’s always honest, and he never breaks a promise…”

In that moment, it makes me think of Richard not keeping his to me. But I push it from my mind as I am in no position to be thinking ill of Richard after what I put him through last night.

“I guess, just be careful what you say to him. He doesn’t seem it, but he’s a very sensitive guy. That’s probably one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to see; is this big huge German man, knocked down by something hurtful that someone has done or said to him.”

I take in all the information, and think to myself that I probably need to change how I view Till. He sounds like one of those people that you’re mother scolded you about for judging them on just how they looked on the outside. I haven’t been taking his feelings into account and now I’m feeling guilty for judging him so quickly. I mean he did show me a lot of kindness last night; as arrogant as he might seem. But I guess that’s what Paul means by him not showing his true feelings. 

“Ah, well that’s enough story time for me today” Paul says getting up. He picks up both our coffee mugs and makes his way back inside. “Tschüss” he smiles, walking through the open glass door.

I take a deep breath in and let out a relieving sigh. I pick myself up and make my way over to the glass door. I go to walk through but I bring myself to a halt as I notice the large man standing in my way, waiting. He’s eyes look up to meet mine. I feel my heart beat faster. How long has he been standing there?


	10. Confrontation

Chapter 10  
Confrontation

I make my way over to one of the outdoor lounges and make myself comfortable. I can sense that Till intends to talk, and I have a feeling we’ll be here a while. He closes the glass door behind him and makes his way over, taking a seat next to me. We sit there awkwardly in silence for a while, and I consider getting up and leaving; but Till’s deep voice begins speak.

“It’s warm out today, isn’t it?” Till asks, looking out over the city.

“Yeah, it is.” I reply. I must look friggen ridiculous right now in my layered get-up.

“How are you?” he asks.

“Fine thanks” I reply. I hope that he gets to the point soon as this small talk doesn’t really suit him.

“Are you okay now? After when we went out last night?” he asks, nervously.

I take a deep breath and swallow my emotions as I try to avoid the topic, “Yes of course. It was only one beer anyway. And the food was too good to complain about being full” I say, mustering up all my courage to give him a smile. His face looks displeased at my answer.

“Not the dinner” he pauses, taking a deep breath, obviously holding back his frustration. “You know what I’m talking about” his gaze meeting mine again, anxiously waiting my response.

“I’m fine” I say with a wobbly voice. My lies bringing my emotions back up.

“You don’t sound fine” Till replies unconvinced.

“I’ll be fine!” I let out, more aggressive than I meant. Till sitting up, recognizing my distressed state. I push my tears back with my sudden outburst, regaining myself before they fall down my cheeks.

“So you told Richard then?” Till asks.

“No of course not. He doesn’t need to know” I reply.

Till shifts in his chair, I look over to see a puzzled expression on his face.

“But I thought you did” he replies, confused.

“No, what makes you think that?” I ask.

“Well when we met in the hallway after I grabbed my coffee, I assumed that you did. It appeared that you had been crying after telling him about what happened, and Richard was angry because he wasn’t there to protect you. Am I wrong?” Till’s face is growing agitated as he impatiently waits my response.

“Yes, you’re wrong” I stammer out.

“Then what happened then?” he asks confused.

“Nothing” I reply. I feel the tears building up again and I try my best to hold them back.

“What happened?” he asks again, growing agitated.

“Nothing I said.” I stammer, my face growing hot with my lies.

“Then why were you crying?” Till asks getting frustrated.

“My head was hurting from where I knocked it” I lie, my heart beating faster.

“Then why was Richard angry?” Till asks in a demanding, irritated voice.

“I don’t know” I lie as tears start to escape my eyes, one by one.

“What happened?!” Till is practically growling now.

I feel my emotions build up to the point where I can’t hold it in anymore. I admit defeat and unwillingly lay it bare to him.

“Richard made a move on me and I couldn’t go through with it because all I could think about was that man, touching me!” I blurt out, embarrassed at the tender topic. Tears running down my cheeks uncontrollably.

“So he tried to have sex with you, and got angry because you said no?” Till asked bluntly.

I nod my head as I wipe the tears that are escaping my eyes.

“Are you kidding me?” Till spits out in disbelief.

“I know, I know, it’s unfair of me…” I sob, trying to explain myself, but Till interrupts me.

“Unfair of you?” Till looks at me hurt, confusing me. “It’s unfair of him!”

I seem to have misread or misjudged something as he says I’m not the one to blame.

“That fucking bastard!” Till growls, startling me, stopping my tears in their tracks. “How dare he?!” he yells, jumping to his feet.

He paces back and forth, breathing heavily. He’s enraged temper, is frightening. I retreat back in the chair, wondering what he’ll do next.

“I’m sorry” I stammer. “I didn’t mean to make him angry”. Till looks at my frightened expression. He walks up to me and kneels down, taking my face in his hands, looking deep into my eyes.

“Something terrible has happened to you. Something no one should ever have to go through.” There’s pain in his eyes and I can hear it in his voice too. “Richard had no right to be upset with you. This isn’t your fault. Do you understand?”

“But Richard didn’t know…” I whisper, the words feel like they’re caught in my throat.

“That’s not the point…” Till drops his gaze, taking a deep breath as he thinks of what to say. “If you don’t want to do something, especially something like that; you don’t have to. You are at no fault. If someone makes you feel guilty for saying no to something you’re uncomfortable with, that’s unforgivable.”

I can feel the ache that is resting in Till’s eyes as he looks back into mine. He’s hands fall from my face and he wraps his arms around my neck, pulling me closer in his embrace. The same comforting embrace that I felt last night. Only this time, I feel as though the roles are switched, and it is now Till who is hurting. I can’t understand why he’s so upset. You think he’d be choosing ‘Team Richard’, as they’ve known each other for years; they’re like brothers. But instead he’s here with me.

We sit in silence for a while longer. I feel his warm grip fall from me, brushing across from my scarf. A small amused smile forms on his face as he looks confused.

“It’s finally warming up and here you are wearing a scarf and winter clothes” he laughs.

I notice the scarf has fallen from where I had carefully placed it, and I quickly reach to pull it back up. But it’s too late. It catches Till’s eagle eyed stare and he grabs my hand, pulling it away before I can touch it.

“What is that?” Till asks, his mood shifting back to its agitated state.

“It’s nothing” I lie, grabbing my scarf with my other hand.

Till pulls it away with his other hand, then proceeds to unravel the scarf from my raw neck. His eyes grow wide and he’s mouth slightly drops as he gazes upon my unintentional harm.

“What have you done?” he asks, his eyes darting to mine.

“I didn’t mean it…” I utter.

His eyes flash down as he pulls up a sleeve, and then the other; his eyes running up and down.

“Why?” he asks softly, still looking down at my arms.

“I didn’t mean to…”  I stammer.

“Why!?” he commands. I jump in my place in fright. I feel the tears start to build up and fall again.

“I could still feel him all over me.” I blubber. “I needed to get him off!” I begin to cry; my heart pounding and my head thumping at the thought of that awful man and what he did to me.

I feel Till’s grasp slip from my hands, as he stands up and sits next to me. His strong arms pull me over to him to hold me close.

I pull my legs up on the couch as I tuck myself in close to him. I can’t control myself as I sit there and cry, and cry, and cry. I can’t hold my emotions down anymore, and I lay everything bare as I helplessly weep. Tills hand rises up from behind me, and he begins to stroke my hair, ever so softly. He begins to hum as his large hands sweep over my hair. He then begins to sing. He starts to sing ‘Ein Lied’, in his soft gentle voice, like it is in the recording. I continue to cry, but the soft tune is so soothing, and I start to feel more at ease.

I concentrate on every word he sings and I feel myself calm down. My breathing slows down and my tears cease to fall, as I feel his voice lull me into a dream like state. His fingers run through my hair, as he reaches the end of his song and my eyes fall shut. I feel so calm.


	11. Confused

Chapter 11  
Confused

* _Sirens_ *

My eyes peer open to the sound of the busy streets below. It takes me a moment to remember why I’m outside. But it only takes a second to bring myself fully awake, as I realize exactly where I am. My heart starts to race as I find myself lying down on Till, my head resting in his lap. His hand is resting in my hair where I had felt it last, before I fell asleep. I think he’s asleep as he’s not moving and he’s breathing is slow.

“Till…” I whisper, waiting for his response. Nothing... He’s definitely asleep.

How is it that I have found myself in this situation? All I came out here for was to relax and have a cup of coffee, and now I find myself in this awkward position. I pray to god no one has come outside and seen us.

I feel now like I’ve got a load off my chest after talking to Till; even though I didn’t want to. I just don’t understand; why did he have to bring everything up like that? Why couldn’t he just leave things be?

He needs to stop involving himself in my troubles though; because the pain in his voice and the hurt in his eyes are driving me crazy. Paul was right. Seeing such a strong and fearless man like Till in pain is just hard to watch. It’s almost like there’s no hope left in the world.

But that’s not the point. I don’t understand why he’s taking all of this on. Why does he care so much? If not for Richard’s sake, then who’s? I cannot fathom as to why it would be mine. I’m just some silly little girl who doesn’t matter, and shouldn’t matter to him. I’ve got Richard to look after me anyway. Even if he does feel distant at the moment, I’m sure things will be fine. If he knew the truth about what happened, I know he would have reacted differently last night. It’s not his fault. Why can’t Till understand?

I feel his hand slip from my hair as he shifts in his place. I stay where I am for a minute or so, to make sure that he is still asleep. He still hasn’t moved so I take the chance and slowly get up from Till’s lap, being careful as not to wake him.

As I lift my head, I feel this intense pounding, almost dizzy like. All I can assume is that I’ve overdone it with my crying and stress. As soon as I get back to my room, I think I’ll need to lay down again.  
  
I silently get up from the couch and then turn to make my escape. But I am found out, as I feel Till’s large, warm hand grip onto mine.

I turn to look back at Till, his tired eyes prying open. He looks so drained.

I stand there for a few more moments, before my thumping head tells me it’s had enough, and I gently try to pull my hand from his. His grip stays tight and I am unable to flee.

“Till…” I begin, not knowing what to say as I don’t really understand what he’s doing.

“Please stay…” He softly pleads, his eyes finally rising to meet mine.

I stare into them, feeling his exhaustion; and then I notice the longing there too. My heart skips a beat.

For a brief moment, I feel the same longing too. These last two days, this intimidating German man, has shown me nothing but kindness and understanding as he’s tried his best to comfort me through all the shit that’s happened. I want to hold onto that warm, tender feeling. Feel his comforting, warm embrace. Watch all the hurt disappear from his tired eyes.

The strange feeling I get from him that I was confused about, I think I finally understand what it is.

But I can’t entertain these feelings. I could never do that to Richard.

My gaze falls from his as I hold back the tears that are trying to escape. My head begins to pound harder. I need to leave; I pull my hand back again, this time successfully releasing myself from his grip. I back away and quickly make my way back over to the glass door. I pull it open, but take one last look back at him. There’s nothing but pain written all over his face.  
  
He turns away from me and I feel like someone’s driven a knife into my chest. First Richard and now I’ve hurt Till. But I just can’t handle this right now. I can’t face his feelings, or mine for that matter, as I am just too overwhelmed. My head begins to pound again as I make my way through the door, closing it behind me.

That dizzy sensation returns; turning my walk into almost a stagger. I hold my throbbing head in my hand as I make my way slowly back to my room.

“Are you okay Lucy?” I hear a voice say. I slowly lift my head to see Oliver standing in front of me.

“You don’t look so good… Lucy what’s wrong with your skin, are you alright?” His words just drift past me as all I can manage right now is trying to focus on making it back to my room.

I feel him stop me, his hands holding my shoulders. “Lucy… Can you hear me right now?”

He gently shakes me, but gets no response. I try to focus on him, but everything’s just going blurry. I lose all of what little energy I have left and I feel myself fall from Oliver’s grip. He catches me before I hit the ground, my eyes falling shut as I feel myself black out.

“Lucy!!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the chapter being on the short side, but I hope you're all enjoying the story so far!  
> Unfortunately I won't be able to post anymore chapters till Next Monday as I'm going on a little holiday. So thankyou for your patience! Stay tuned for the next part of the story. After reading this chapter, you know it's about to start getting good ;)


	12. Waking Up

Chapter 12  
Waking Up

My head is still pounding; but not as bad as before. I can hear chatter around me. The voices are familiar but I can barely understand what they’re saying as I pull myself from my groggy state.

I slowly open my eyes to the bright lights. I look around confused. I’m in my bed and I can see Oliver and Paul talking to a man that I don’t know. I try to sit up, but the dizzy feeling returns and I lie right back down again. My movement catches Oliver’s attention, which causes the stranger to make his way over to me.

“Ah, you’re awake!” he says with a smile on his face. “You gave these fellows quite a scare before”.  
I’m a little confused right now. I remember being outside with Till and then seeing Oliver as I headed back to my room…  
  
Ah. I remember now; everything went black.  
I must have passed out.

“I’m Doctor Mills; I’m a friend of the band’s.” says the man smiling.

He has a warm smile that put’s me at ease. He has dark slicked back hair that has a part on the side, and big brown eyes that peer through his black framed glasses.

“I’m going to ask you a few questions if that’s alright, Lucy; he says sitting down on the edge of the bed. He takes my wrist, checking my pulse. “Do you remember fainting?”

“Yes I do” I reply.

“Have you been experiencing any headaches or migraines?”

“Yes, my head has been pounding all day”

“Have you been feeling dizzy or light headed at all?”

“Yes I have”

“Have you had much water to drink in the past 48 hours?”

“Um, no…” I reply back, embarrassed at my carelessness.

“Have you consumed much alcohol in the past 48 hours?”

“Yes…” I reply embarrassed again.  
  
“Well I do believe you are suffering from dehydration; as I suspected.” Doctor Mills announces. “So that means, because you haven’t been drinking any water the past few days, you haven’t been replacing the fluids that you’ve lost. It doesn’t take much for someone of your stature to succumb to fluid loss, especially when you’ve been consuming large amounts of alcohol. Luckily, you’re not too dehydrated that you need to be hospitalized. I have taken into account the amount of stress you’ve been under, and have concluded that it contributed to you fainting”

The amount of stress I’ve been under? What is he talking about? I look at him confused.

“Herr Lindemann told me about what happened” he says, quietly; looking down at the self-inflicted marks on my arm.

I pull my arm from his hand that is still holding onto my wrist as I realize that Till has told him everything. I look up at Paul and Oliver, who are still leaning over against the wall; searching their faces to see if they know as well.

“It’s okay” Doctor Mills says to me, with a warm smile. He leans closer to me and whispers, “You’re secret is safe with me”.

He sits back up again and leans over the side of the bed, reaching into a black bag. He pulls out a white tube and hands it to me. “This is for your skin. It will help it heal quicker and will help ease any discomfort” he closes up his bag and stands up from my bed.

“As for the dehydration; plenty of water and rest. I would recommend that you drink a hydralyte drink as it will help hydrate you a lot quicker; and no more alcohol for the next couple days.” He says, picking his black bag up off the floor. “It was nice meeting you, Lucy. If you need to see me or contact me for any reason, here’s my number” he says, setting down a little black card that he’s pulled from his pocket, onto my side table. “I hope you’re feeling better soon” he smiles.

He turns to Paul and Oliver and they say their goodbyes, before he lets himself out, closing the door behind him.

Paul and Oliver make their way over to me; they both take a seat on Richard’s side of the bed.

“You sure know how to scare us Lucy!” Paul joked, trying to lighten up the mood.

“How are you feeling?” Asked Oliver.

“Better; but I still feel pretty shit” I reply. “I’m just embarrassed that I let myself get to that point. I can’t believe I fainted.”

“Don’t be embarrassed.” Paul assured me. “Mills said stress can do that to people. He said that’s why you’re skins so bad; your body can’t handle all the stress.”

I can now confirm with myself that the boys don’t know about what happened last night; the real reason behind my skin. I assume that Till told Doctor Mills that I didn’t want anyone to know, and he’s helped cover it up.

“Yeah, my sensitive skin doesn’t really handle stress well.” I try to laugh off awkwardly. I realize I’m no longer wearing my cardigan, and I can only assume it was because Doctor Mills was having a better look at my skin.  
  
“I hope it’s not living here with us that’s stressing you out; we’d hate to see you leave” Oliver says with an almost devastated look on his face.

“God no! Don’t be silly. It’s definitely not you guys stressing me out” I reply.

“What then?” Oliver asks concerned.

“Just work. The shoot the other day had me really nervous and stressed” I lie.

“But I thought you said you really enjoyed that shoot?” Paul asked confused.

“Well I did…” I reply, a little lost for words.

“Well why were you stressed then if you enjoyed it so much?” Paul asked, unconvinced.

I search my brain as quickly as I can for what to say, as to not be found out lying. I don’t want to have to tell them the truth behind my troubles.

“Girls stuff!” I spit out, finally finding my excuse.

“Girls stuff?” Oliver asks confused.

“You know, it’s kind of that time of the month...” I reply nervously.

I watch the boys look at each other in confusion for a moment before they quickly realize what it is I’m talking about.

“Oh my god, okay, sorry, we understand" Paul splutters out.

The boys looking around the room, their cheeks turning bright red.

“Sorry for being nosy” Oliver replies embarrassed.”

“It’s okay” I laugh, thankful that they’ve believed my lies.

I don’t want to lie to them. But I really don’t want anyone else to know. I don’t want anyone else worrying over nothing.

“Where are the other guys?” I ask, wondering why it’s only Paul and Oliver in the room.

“Flake went out for a walk this morning, so god only knows when he’ll get back. When he goes out for a walk, it’s usually marathon distance, but he enjoys it” Oliver replies. “And I think Christoph went out to see some girl; or that’s what I assumed anyway.”

“I called Richard and told him what happened. He said he was a couple hours out, but he’s on his way” Paul adds.

I feel almost sick in my gut at Paul’s news.

“What did you tell Richard for?” I ask, slightly annoyed.

“What do you mean?” Paul asks, confused.

“You didn’t need to make him leave his work just because of this. The last thing I want is to upset him over something silly like this” I reply.

“Don’t be ridiculous, Lucy” Replies Oliver. “Richard cares about you, so don’t think you’d be upsetting him over something like this. It’s not your fault that you fainted”

“Well it kind of is” mumbled Paul. Oliver responding to Paul by punching his arm. “Ow!”

“It’ll make you feel better when Richard gets here; he’ll look after you” smiles Oliver.

I guess so. I just don’t want to upset Richard any more than I already have. I feel so awful about how we left things last night and now this happens. I won’t deny that I’m looking forward to seeing him. I just want him to tell me everything’s going to be alright. I want him to pull me close and hold me tight in his warm embrace, just like Till…

My heart stops when Till crosses my mind and how I left him. I wonder why he’s not here as well.

“Where’s Till?” I ask, looking at the boys.

“I’m not sure, he left after Mills got here. I don’t know where he went” Paul replies.

“Till was the one who carried you back to your bed” replies Oliver. “When he heard me yelling, he came running in from outside. He even held your hand till Mills showed up” Oliver laughed.

I touch my hand; trying to feel where Till’s touched mine.

“He’s such a big softy, he was so worried.” Laughed Paul.

“Well we better leave you to get some rest then Miss Lucy” Oliver says standing up, Paul following his lead.

“Just give us a yell if you need anything; we’ll leave the door open” Paul smiles, as they both head out of the room.


	13. Curveball

Chapter 13  
Curveball

I’m left alone with my thoughts. Thoughts of what happened with Till, and what happened after I passed out. Thoughts of that awful man in the alleyway and how much it’s impacted my state of mind. Thoughts of what happened with Richard; and what he is going to say when he gets here.  
  
With the battle of all the troubles going on in my mind for what seems like forever; I realize that I’m not getting any sleep anytime soon. I decide that I’m sick of laying down looking up at the ceiling so I make the decision to try and sit up a bit more comfortably in bed. I give myself a quick pep talk as I prepare myself for the dizziness and pounding headache that seems to follow when I get myself upright. I sit up in my spot and the symptoms follow along with a vengeance. I feel as though the whole room is spinning, and it’s making me really off balance. I try to concentrate as hard as I can, but my weight is shifting towards the edge of the bed. In my efforts to try and stay upright, I feel myself falling forward off the bed.

I brace myself for impact; but instead of the hard floor, I feel two big arms catch me. It takes a moment to realize what’s happening, but as I’m lifted back up I see Till.

“Easy now...” his soft, deep voice commands.

He holds me against himself with one arm, as the other reaches over and props some pillows up against the bedhead. He then gently leans me back against the pillows, pulling the blankets back up to my waist. He sits down on the bed next to me and reaches down into a plastic bag that is sitting on the floor. He pulls out a bottle of bright orange liquid that reads ‘Hydralyte’, and places it on the side table next to me.

“Mills said you needed some Hydralyte’s” he said looking away from me.

I could see he was still upset at how we left things, but he obviously still cares enough to go out of his way and buy this for me.

“Thankyou” I say, but receive no reply. He must still be pretty upset.

“So you told him what happened to me, did you?” I ask nervously; trying to get him to talk to me.

“I had to” Till replies, “He wanted to know why you had hurt yourself”

“I didn’t mean to…” I reply, ashamed and embarrassed of my appearance.

“I know you didn’t; it’s okay.” Till replies gently, finally making eye contact.

“So, you didn’t tell Paul and Richard about what happened to me then?” I ask; I just need to be sure that they definitely don’t know.

“No I didn’t. I told Mills that you didn’t want anyone to know, so he said he’d make up some bullshit they’d believe” Till replies.

“How do you know Doctor Mills?” I ask, trying to change the subject.  
  
“We met Mills about 5 years ago on our ‘Mutter’ tour and then again on the ‘Pledge of Allegiance’ tour. Both times he was the paramedic on site and both times he had to patch me up somehow.” I could see a smile form on Till’s lips as he reminisced.

“When we toured in New York for ‘Mutter’ I sang ‘Rammstein’ for our encore; I sang in my coat that is set alight, and at the end of the song I was shot at with a flame thrower. It didn’t really go quite as planned when I was engulfed in flames. Luckily everyone thought it was part of the act; but I did get a few good burns.” He smiles, looking back to me. “Mills fixed me up real good; so ever since then he’s been our Doctor on call. Whether I’ve been burned or wounded, or someone’s caught a cold, Mill’s comes and saves us”

“He seems really nice” I reply with a smile.

“Are you okay?” Till’s smile leaves his face; I feel as though he’s been holding onto that question as I see the concern in his eyes.

“I’m fine; Doctor Mill’s fixed me right up, just like he did for you” I say, trying to lighten the mood again. Till’s gaze falls from mine and drifts off else ware.

“I wish you could just talk to me” his eyes come back to meet mine. He reads the confused expression on my face.

“Why can’t you just be honest with me? Why do you feel like you need to cover up how you feel when you’re around me?” Till asks, he’s voice carries frustration and sadness, and there’s pain written on his face. I can tell that he’s had enough of me evading all of his questions.

“I just want you to honest with me. I’m not Richard, don’t assume how your response will make me feel; I decide that.”

His words take me by surprise and I’m left speechless.

“Till, I …” is all I can manage; I am lost for words.

He reaches out and takes my hand in his. I look down to see his large, masculine hand gently cradling my small delicate hand. I look back up to meet his gaze questioningly.

“Whatever your response, whatever you’re going through, whatever you’re feeling; I’m here for you” he assures me. 

Till’s eyes dart away. I can tell he’s using all his courage to be so honest with me. It is so surreal to see him nervous as he finally brings his gaze back to mine.

“I don’t know how Richard makes you feel; but I don’t want you to ever feel alone. The fact that you thought it was okay for Richard to be upset at you for not having sex the other night kills me. Like, how could he possibly make you feel that way; it’s unforgivable.”

Just like outside, Till’s temper starts to worsen at the mention of that topic.

“Till, he didn’t know...” I say softly, trying to calm him down. His grasp on my hand slightly tightens as I feel his temper rise again.  
  
“I don’t understand how you think that makes the situation any better. Whether something happened or not; if you didn’t want to, that gives him no right to make you feel like you’ve done something wrong” his grip loosens as he tries to calm himself down.

His other hand reaches up to help hold onto mine, running his thumb in circles on my skin where he’s grip had tightened. I get goosebumps and the hairs on my arm stand on end at the sensation.

“I just want you to understand that Richard’s response was not okay” Till says, as calmly as he can manage. “He shouldn’t have made you feel like his anger was you’re fault; you deserve better than that.”

I am lost as to what to say again as Till’s last word’s stick inside my head.

_‘You deserve better than that'_

I don’t even know how to respond. I don’t even know what to think of that.

 Till’s eyes are full of intensity, but our stare is broken off as I see Richard appear at the door.


	14. Left Alone

Chapter 14  
Left Alone

  
“Lucy!” Richard says, Till’s hands pull away from mine at the sound of Richard’s voice.

Richard makes his way over to his side of the bed, jumping in next to me. His timing is awful as he intrudes on the curveball of a statement that Till just threw at me. Giving me no opportunity to react.

“Are you okay?” Richard asks his face full of worry. “I’m sorry I took so long, I came as soon as Paul called”

“It’s been two hours” Till replied, annoyed.

“Yeah, I came as soon as I could” Richard replied, confused.

“Your studio is half an hour from here” the frustration obviously building up in Till again.

“I got caught up in something, what do you want me to say?” Richard replies, now getting annoyed at Till and his temper.

“It’s fine, I’m alright” I say to Richard, trying to draw he’s attention away from Till.

“Oliver told me what happened, my poor Little Doll. I can’t believe you collapsed. You should have told me you’ve been so stressed out lately, maybe I could have helped.” Richard replies, his voice is sincere.

Out the corner of my eye though, I see Till’s expression return to its anger filled state, and his jaw clenches up at the sound of Richard’s statement.

“I’m sorry” I reply, hoping to make amends for everything that has happened.

“It’s okay” Richard replies. “I’m just happy you’re alright.” He smiles. His eyes fall down to gaze upon the patches of raw skin, strewn across my upper half. “I had no idea stress could do that to you, though. Maybe you should cover up. I’m sure people don’t really want to see those marks.”

“Oh, okay.” I reply, a little embarrassed, pulling the sheets up over me higher.

I can feel the anger radiating off Till as he suddenly gets up, taking the bag full of Hydralyte’s with him. He Leaves the room and Richard and I alone.

“What the fuck is his problem?” Richard asks annoyed. “What’s with those questions? I meant it when I said I came as fast as I could.”

“I know, I believe you Richard” I assure him, trying to calm him down.

“The fuck was he doing in here anyway?”

Richard surprises me a little at his question; that’s the first time his ever questioned one of the guys being around me.

“Doctor Mills said I needed some Hydralyte’s, so Till went and bought me some” I reply, pointing to the bottle on my side table, proving my statement. Richard just huffs at me.  
Why is he so upset?

I pick up the tube of cream that Doctor Mills gave me for my skin and open it up. “Doctor Mills gave me this for my skin, once I’ve put this on I’ll put my cardigan back on so you don’t have to see it.” I say, trying to change the subject.

Richard grabs the tube from my hand just as I’ve opened it and I look at him confused.

“Let me” he says, squeezing the white cream into his hand. He starts rub the cream into my arm.

“Ooh!” I exclaim, as he’s rubbing a little too hard over the tender spots.

“Sorry…” he says, slowing his hand and rubbing more gently.

“I’m sorry what I said before, it came out wrong” he mumbles. 

“What are you talking about?” I ask, confused.

“When I said you should cover up” he replies. “It came out different to how I intended.”

“Oh” I say, waiting for him to continue. 

“I just meant that I hate seeing you like this. Seeing those marks on you, it makes me angry with myself that I didn’t do anything to help you. Maybe if you said something I could have helped you somehow, before it got like this..." he says to me. 

“Oh... I’m sorry Richard” I reply, disappointed in myself; but relieved to hear that he cares.

“It’s okay, don’t worry about it” he smiles, “It’s in the past now”

He finishes rubbing cream on both my arms and proceeds to cover the marks on my neck and chest.

“You’ve got them everywhere haven’t you” Richard voices as his eyes narrow in on the marks.

“Yeah, sorry...” I reply, letting his hands run over me.

He continues his gentle strokes, rubbing the cream over chest. I feel his hand getting lower and lower till they’re definitely where they shouldn’t be.

“Richard, there aren’t any marks there; they’re okay” I say, implying that I want him to stop.

“Are you sure?” he asks, looking at me cheekily, his hand continuing to rub.

“Yes I’m sure” I reply, pushing his hand up from my shirt.

He looks at me, his eyes confused and angered at being denied. He forces his hand back down my shirt to grope what he was just holding onto.

“Richard, no!” I yell, pushing his hand away again. He looks at me angrily.

“You don’t want me? Fine!” he yells at me, scaring me. He gets up from the bed and throws the tube against the wall. “I’m only trying to fucking help!”

“Richard, please, I’m sorry...” I stutter. “Doctor Mills said I need to rest; I don’t really have the energy for that right now.” I say, trying to reason with him, covering up the real reason behind why I don’t want to.

“Whatever…” he says, picking a jacket off the floor. “I’ve got better shit to do anyway” he spits, walking out of the room. He slams the door as hard as he can behind him, making me jump in place.

_“Get out of the fucking way!”_

I hear Richard yell from behind the door.

_“None of your fucking business!”_

The tears start to build up in my eyes as I hear him march down the hallway. There’s a soft knock at the door before it slowly opens.

“Lucy, are you okay?” asks Oliver as he lets himself in.

He sees the tube Richard threw, on the floor and he picks it up. He walks over to me sitting down on the side of the bed.

“Are you alright? What happened?” he asks with worry in his eyes.

“It’s nothing” I mutter, holding back the tears best I can.

“Are you sure?” he asks concerned.

“I just said something wrong I guess” I say, as a tear escapes down my cheek.

“Well whatever it was, I’m sure it wasn’t your fault. Richard can get a little hot headed sometimes” he says, trying to reassure me. I just look down and nod my head, agreeing with him to avoid falling apart by trying to say how I really feel.

“What did he yell at you for?” Oliver asks, trying to work out what happened.

“Nothing really..." I reply, "I just said something silly” 

“You can tell me, it’s okay, I won’t say anything. Maybe I can help?” he says, trying to be helpful. My tears slowly starting to fall at the sound of his kind words.

“Oliver, I …” as I look up to him, I spot Till standing just outside the doorway. He must have heard the commotion too.

“I… I just want to be alone right now...” I say looking to his eyes, hoping that he’ll leave me to myself.

“Okay” he says, rubbing my hand comfortingly. “I understand. Just let me know if you want to talk”

I nod as he gets up from the bed and he places the tube on the side table. I watch him walk up to the door and then slowly close it behind him. I watch Till’s distressed look disappear behind the door as Oliver pulls it shut.

I’m left all alone.

The tears flow at full force now as I can’t believe the situation I have put myself in again. I can’t believe I’ve hurt Richard again when I said I wouldn’t.

I also can’t believe how he reacted though. I’ve never seen him like that before; I was terrified. I didn’t know what he was going to do.

But I couldn’t let him carry on with what he intended. The moment his hand slipped down my shirt I started to panic. The memories of the man in the alleyway last night came flooding back again. The way Richard pushed his hand back down my shirt and grabbed me, felt just like the wandering hands of the man in the Alleyway. I just couldn’t fight back my terrified feelings.

I know I’ll get better. I know I can make Richard happy. But right now, I just need to grieve. I need to face my feelings; and I need to just cry.

It doesn’t take long before my uncontrollable crying brings me to the point of exhaustion, and I pass out again.


	15. Questions

Chapter 15  
_Questions_

I wake up, and the sun is peeking through the curtains on the window at an angle that shoots right into my vision. I squeeze my eyes shut and roll over onto my other side; to view the clock on my side table. I open my eyes and see the time.

_8:05 am_

Oh my god. It’s already tomorrow! It would have only been early afternoon when I passed out again after Richard left. I sit up in bed and the headache and dizziness returns.  
I am so thirsty…

I realize that I never actually had anything to drink yesterday after Doctor Mills left.

I grab the now room temperature bottle of Hydralyte’s and twist off the cap. I bring the full bottle to my lips and chug most the contents in my moment of thirst. I rest the bottle back down the side table and I’m already feeling satisfied.

It takes me a moment, but I suddenly realize that Richard’s not here. I don’t think he came back home after he stormed off yesterday afternoon. I wonder where he went…  
Maybe he stayed in one of the spare rooms?

As much as I should probably stay in bed, I need to go find out. I hope he’s okay...

I grip onto my side table for support as I push myself up off the bed, trying to keep my balance. My head is pounding but the dizziness isn’t as bad as it was yesterday, maybe those Hydralyte’s kick in fast…

I slowly make my way across the bedroom towards the bathroom, moving steadily as to not lose my balance; (as well as not having much energy). I reach the bathroom sink and wash my face. I decide having a shower may not be the best idea right now until I’m feeling a bit better. The last thing I want is to fall over and hurt myself more.  
I look up to the mirror and I gaze upon my reflection. The raw marks on my skin actually don’t look as bad as what they were yesterday. The cream Doctor Mills gave me must be really good stuff. I decide that I’m still unpresentable though, and slap on the quickest face of makeup I can manage. The longer I’m standing, the more worn out I’m feeling. Even after that marathon sleep.

I tie my hair back and put my cardigan back on to cover my arms up. I drink the last of the Hydralyte’s and then start on my journey out of the room.

I slowly make my way down the hallway; tracing my fingers along the wall as I walk. I nearly make it into the living area but am stopped by a figure. I’m startled and caught off balance; I can feel myself fall back.

“Whoa, whoa…” says the figure, pulling me back towards him. I see his face and curly hair, it’s Christoph. “What are you doing out of bed? Come sit down” he says, leading me over to one of the couches in the living area. He holds my hand as I sit down, in case I lose my balance again.

“Ollie told me what happened when I got home last night. How are you feeling?” he asks, taking a seat next to me.

“Yeah, still feeling pretty awful; but the dizziness seems to have gone away thank god.” I reply.

“Well that’s good then” he smiles. “Gotta make sure you keep hydrated! Richard really isn’t the best influence with the amount of alcohol he drinks” Christoph laughs, “Try not to pick up any bad habits now!”

“I won’t…” I try to laugh back, embarrassed. Dear god I hope he doesn’t think I’m turning into an alcoholic.

“Say, Richard gave you that didn’t he?” Christoph asks, pointing to my choker. I reach my fingers up to touch it. I almost forget it’s there sometimes.

“Ah, yes. He gave it to me not long after we first met” I reply, thinking back to that night.

“You’re really special to Richard you know” Christoph says, his mood getting a little more serious. “I mean, it’s not really his style; buying jewelry or expensive things for girls, especially after they’ve just met. He’s a pretty simple guy. We’ve been friends for a very long time; and this is probably the most happiest I’ve ever seen him with a girl” I smile at Christoph’s comment, it feels good to hear him say that.

“But the last couple of day’s he’s seemed a bit distant” Christoph says, causing my smile to fade again. “He’s not his usual self, but he won’t tell me why. Ollie also said that he left angry yesterday too. Did something happen?” he asks, looking to me.

“Yeah I guess…” I reply reluctantly. I don’t particularly want to tell Christoph the details about what happened. It’s pretty personal, and this is the first proper conversation I’m having with him.

“I’ve unintentionally managed to upset him the last couple of days. I truly feel horrible; but at the same time, I don’t know how I could have avoided it. Things just have been going wrong for me lately” I say, in all honesty.

“I see” Christoph replies in deep thought. “That’s unfortunate, isn’t it? Hopefully things turn around for the both of you soon. I know if Richard cares as much as he says he does, he’ll work things out” he says, giving me a smile.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right” I smile back, feeling some new hope.

“Say, do you know why Till was sitting outside of room last night?” Christoph asks, out of nowhere.

“Say what now?” I blurt out surprised. “Till was outside my room?” I am shocked at this news and I don’t quite know what to make of it. “How long was he there?” I ask curiously.

“Well I got back in from a party just after one this morning; I spotted him on my way to my room” he replies. “I was gunna ask him what he was doing there, but then he got a phone call. Whatever the person on the other end said to him sure made him mad though. He started yelling, he threw his phone; he punched the wall.”

“He punched the wall?” I ask surprised.

“Yeah! I was honestly surprised he didn’t wake you" Christoph adds.

“No I didn’t wake up at all. Do you know what the call was about?” I ask curiously.

“No idea; as soon as he punched the wall I made an escape to my room. You don’t want to be in Till’s way when he’s mad” Christoph replies, I nod in agreement. “He said something like ‘Are you kidding me? Are you sure?’ and then threw his phone and started swearing. Then I think I heard him leave; but I’m not sure”

“Oh wow, I wonder what happened” I say surprised. I hope Till’s not in any trouble.

“Yeah I know; I haven’t seen him that mad in a while!” Christoph laughs, his mood lifting again.  
  
“Hey Lucy…” Christoph starts.

“Yes?” I answer attentively.

“There’s nothing going on between you and Till; is there?” his eyes locking onto mine, accusingly.

I’m put on the spot as I didn’t see Christoph asking me such a thing. I open my mouth to answer but I’m lost for words…

“I mean, of course there isn’t!” he jokes, “But for peace of mind…”

“Oh! Of course there isn’t!” I laugh, copying Christoph. “What on earth would make you think that?” I ask, almost a little frightened of what his answer might be.

“Oh no reason at all. I just thought it was weird he was sitting outside your door at one in the morning is all” he laughs.

“Yeah that is really weird. But I have no idea why he was there, so I can’t help you with that one sorry” I reply, trying my best to sound convincing.

“Nah, that’s alright. Anyway; I best be going, I have stuff to do today so I must be on my way!” Christoph says, standing up. “Well make sure you get yourself back to bed and rest up”

“I will” I smile.

“And no more drinking!” he laughs walking out of the room.

“I won’t…” I reply, embarrassed again.

Well that was a conversation I wasn’t expecting...

It was nice to finally talk to Christoph, but that conversation took a turn for the worst. I nearly couldn’t answer him for a moment there and I can only imagine how that looked to him. I’m a bit concerned now that he actually does think that there is something going on between Till and I. I can only hope that he believes me when I said that there wasn’t. Why did he have to see you there Till?

Till…

What the hell was he doing outside of my room last night?

Was he waiting there for Richard to come back? Or was he waiting there for me?

Maybe he wanted to see if I was alright. I mean, I never told Oliver what Richard got angry about, so Till would have no idea what happened. He was probably really worried, not knowing what happened. It makes me feel good to think he was so concerned about me that he stayed there till one in the morning. Dear lord!

I wonder what that phone call was about though…

I hope that Till isn’t in any trouble. I can’t even imagine what it was about if Christoph said he hadn’t seen him that angry in ages. I must remember to look for evidence that he actually punched the wall outside my room on my way back. I can’t believe I didn’t wake up. I really must have been out of it.

  
I slowly get up off the soft squishy couch and make my way to the kitchen. I’m not really hungry, surprisingly; but I know I need to eat. I find a big protein bar in the pantry and I grab that. Then I go to the fridge and find the other bottles of Hydralyte’s, and grab a couple of those. I then make my slow trip back to my bedroom; my head still thumping.

As I pass Till’s room I notice the door’s open and he’s not there. I wonder where he is…

I make it back to my room and turn on the TV that sits on the wall in front of our bed. I watch some cheesy soap that’s on while I eat my protein bar and down another full bottle of Hydralyte’s. It’s not long before the exhaustion of my small trip kicks in and I start to drift off again.


	16. Angry

Chapter 16  
_Angry_

I open my eyes in defeat. I’ve been lying in bed awake for a while now; but I have been trying to go back to sleep because I know that it’s really late. I roll over and look at the clock on my side table.

_11:43 pm._

Ugh, why!? This is the worst time to be wide awake.  
Today has consisted of watching tv, drinking fluids and sleep. Apparently too much sleep.

_*Grumble*_

I hear my stomach growl at me.  
Well if I’m not going back to sleep anytime soon, I may as well grab something to eat; I’m finally hungry.

I sit up and get out of bed. Finally my headache is practically nonexistent and I don’t feel so disorientated; but I do still feel exhausted somehow, even after all that sleep.

I make my way out of my room and down the hall. The apartment is so quiet, and I can’t tell if anyone’s home as all their lights are off in their rooms. Everyone must be asleep.  
I follow the bright light that’s on in the kitchen, and make my way to the fridge. I’m starving right now.

The fridge is stacked with ready-made meals. Not those cheap freezer ones that taste like bad decisions; but ones that are prepared by a chef for the guys to heat up when they get hungry. I guess that’s one perk of having money. I would’ve loved not having to cook when I was living on my own. 

I grab the container that says Cabonara and heat it up in the microwave. Cabonara is my favourite! I find myself a fork and I grab my amazing smelling meal, and make my way to the kitchen table and take a seat.

I dig in and every bite is amazing. Oh my lord I could get used to this!  
I quickly finish the container off and sit back in my chair, satisfied. Contemplating whether or not it would be bad if I ate another.

“Would you like a drink?”

I jump in fright in my chair. I look over to see till in the doorway.

“Jesus Christ Till, you scared me…” I say almost out of breath. “Yes please…” I respond to his question as I get up off my chair, picking up the container and fork. I make my way over to the sink, dropping in what I’m holding. Till grabs a bottle of water from the fridge; twisting the cap off and then handing it to me. “Thankyou” I say, then I take a few big mouthfuls.

“How are you feeling? Not still dehydrated?” he asks.

“Well the awful headache I had and the dizziness has gone, thank god. But I still feel exhausted” I reply.

“Maybe you should get some sleep” he says.

“That is all I’ve been doing, and apparently my body has had enough of it. Hence why I’m having dinner at midnight” I smile, annoyed at myself.

“I see…” he replies.

“Till…” I start; he’s eyes looking up to mine. “Christoph said you were outside of my room last night. Is that true?” I ask, nervously. His eyes retreat from mine and wonder elsewhere as I can see he wasn’t expecting this question.

“Yes I was” he replies. I’m a little surprised at his honesty; and also that Christoph was telling the truth.

“Can I ask what you were doing there?” I ask nervously again.

“Only if you tell me what happened between you and Richard that would make him run off like that” he demands, his eyes meeting mine again, full of determination. I reluctantly nod at his request; I really need to know why he was there. 

“You never told Oliver what happened and neither did Richard, so we both had no idea what happened. I wanted to ask you and make sure you were alright; but then you said you wanted to be left alone…”

“But why were you outside of my door?” I ask, still waiting for him to answer my question.

“I wanted to be there in case you needed me…” he says.

My heart stops. He really did stay there for me...

“But I guess you never needed me…” he says, his gaze falling from mine; but not before I see sadness in his eyes. My heart breaks.

“I’m sorry…” I stutter. “I had no idea you were there Till. Plus I passed out anyway from crying so much…” I reply embarrassed.

“So why were you crying?” he asks, looking back at me.

“Well…” I nervously start.

“You agreed to tell me, so say the truth” his eyes narrowing in on me. I feel nervous.

“Richard was rubbing some of the cream on my skin that Doctor Mills had given me; but he started getting a little handsy...” I say nervously; Till’s expression already turning. “I told him no, and that’s when he got upset…”

Till’s jaw clenches up and he starts walking around the kitchen bench, running his fingers agitatedly through his hair. I can see him trying not to get upset.

He stops opposite me and places his clenched fists on the bench.

“Are you kidding me?” he asks in disbelief.

“Look, don’t get upset. Richard obviously didn’t mean it. I promise I won’t be scared next time; you won’t have to worry about me” I reply, trying to keep him calm.

“If he didn’t mean it, he wouldn’t have done it in the first place” Till fumes. “And don’t make stupid promises like that; are you serious?! Are you’re saying you won’t be scared next time he tries to touch you again. You’ll let him have his way, even if you don’t want him to?!”

“Till, that’s not what I’m saying!” I protest.

“And of course I’m going to worry about you! Especially if Richard keeps up this act!” Till spits back.

“Richard won’t! When he gets home, we’ll sort things out. He loves me!” I argue.

“Are you sure? Do you even know where he went last night? Do you even know where he is right now?” Till questions. 

“Well no…” I reply, cautiously.

“If he cared, he would have told you. Better yet, he wouldn’t have left!” he fires back.

“He does care!” I yell. 

“Then where is he!?” he demands.

_*Slam*_

Almost on cue, we hear the front door slam. Is it Richard?

Till and I share one last stare of fury as we pull ourselves together, waiting for the person to show themselves.

Richard stumbles around the corner and looks straight at me, “My little doll!”. He runs over to me and embraces me, shifting his weight onto me, nearly pushing me over.  
  
“Richard!” I exclaim.

“I missed you so much!” he says, lifting his head up and planting a sloppy kiss on my cheek. I’m surprised he’s so happy to see me; in regards to how angry he was with me last night.

“Are you drunk?” Till asks, not impressed at all. Richard lets go of me and finds his way over to the fridge. He opens it and stands there for a while till his eyes find what he’s searching for. “Found it!” he yells, turning around with a huge smile spread across his face and a beer in his hand. He twists off the cap with the side of his arm, “And yes I am!” he replies proudly to Till’s question, taking a huge mouthful of beer. Till is quick to dampen his mood.  
  
“Where the fuck have you been?” Till demands.

“What are you talking about?” Richard jokes, he’s quite drunk and definitely doesn’t need the extra one he’s drinking now.

“You left Lucy yesterday when she really needed you and none of us knew where the fuck you went! I got a call last night from someone saying where you were, but when I got there, you weren’t there! I spent all fucking night looking for you!” Till roars.

“I was out...” Richard replies, confused at Till's anger.

“I can see that! Have you even stopped drinking since yesterday?!” Till booms.

“Fuck off” Richard spits, starting to get upset by Till.

I really can’t stand to watch this anymore

“Till! What is your problem?!” I yell.

“What’s my problem?!” he asks, agitated.

“Richard’s here now!” I interrupt him. “He went out, but he’s back now. Can’t you just leave it be? You can see his in no state to put up with your abuse.”

“Don’t you even want to know what he was up to last night?” Till yells.

“Drinking; as far as I’m concerned. I trust Richard; why can’t you?” I plead, wanting this to be over.

Till looks like he could explode right now. I can see him holding back.

“Fine…” he says, giving in. “I hope you had fun ‘drinking’ last night” Till spits as he storms off to his room. Slamming his door behind him with such force that I’m surprised he didn’t break it.

“What the fuck is his problem?!” Richard yells.

“Sshh…” I say to Richard, looking into his eyes trying to calm him down. “It doesn’t matter, I’m just happy your home” I smile. I take his hand as I lead him back to our room. I lock the door behind us. I’m kind of scared Till is gunna barge in later for round two. He was so angry.

Why is he so angry…?


	17. Help

Chapter 17  
_Help_

I sit down on the end of the bed. I am so exhausted. The screaming match I had with Till really took it out of me. I can even feel my headache starting to return; great…

Richard kicks off his shoes and comes over to me. He kneels down so his face is the same height as mine. His hands fumble around in search for mine as he looks into my eyes. He takes my hands and holds them in his.

“My little doll, I’m so sorry…” he says, his face is pained. “I’m sorry I yelled at you and I’m sorry I left and didn’t tell you where I went.”

“It’s okay Richard” I say.

“I was only out drinking, I promise! I was out with Emigrate” he continues.

“It’s okay, I believe you” I soothe. “I know you wouldn’t hurt me like that” I assure him. “Why are you so drunk though?” I ask concerned.

“We were at a party! We were having such a great time! But then I remembered you weren’t there, and I realized how much I missed you! I wanted you to come there and party with me. You should come out and party with me!” he says, excitedly.

“I think you’ve partied enough for one night don’t you think?” I giggle at his drunken excitement.

“I just missed you so much!” he slurs. “You know I love you so much my little doll.”

“I know Richard” I say, pulling him in close to me in an embrace; his head resting against my chest.

“I just had to come home, I missed you!” he mumbles into my chest.

“I know” I laugh at him repeating himself over and over; I wonder what on earth he was drinking.

“I just want to be with you, I need you…” he says. I feel his hand creep up from my side to meet where his face it resting. He starts to feel around, much to his pleasure. I reach up and pull his hand down.

“Richard…” I say sternly.

At this point, I actually feel okay with him touching me. I’m not feeling scared or anxious like I was the last couple times. It’s just; he’s too drunk right now for this.

“But I missed you so much…” he says starting to kiss my chest; quite slobbery I might add.

“I know you did, but you’re too drunk for this right now” I reply.

“No I’m not…” he argues, working his hand back up.

“Richard, please…” I say getting frustrated. I push his hand away again but it creeps back up and his kisses go higher, to my neck.

“Richard…” I say more sternly. He pulls away and he has anger written all over his face; the same face as yesterday.

“WHY!?” he yells, his instant change in mood frightening me. “Why don’t you want me anymore?!”

“Richard… I do… it’s just…” I stutter.

He takes my answer as a green light to continue with what he was doing,  interrupting me before I can finish. He leans in and pulls my head close kissing me; using his other hand to feel his way down my shirt. I push him away with all my force. I meet his eyes and they’re full of rage.

He pushes me back against the bed and leans over me. He starts kissing me again and his hand finds its way down lower than before. He tries to slip his hand down my pants, but I kick him away, accidentally landing a foot on his manhood. I sit up as he steps back in pain.

“I’m sorry!” I gasp; I didn’t mean to hurt him.

He stands back up straight and slaps me in the face with all his might. I scream as I fall back against the bed from his force. My head spins.

“You will be!” he yells.

I feel his hands creep up my legs and begin to pull my leggings and my underwear off. I try to kick him away, but I can’t even lift my head up right now; I’m so disorientated.

“NO!” I manage to yell; but it’s no use.

He forces himself in between my legs and I hear him unzip his jeans.

“Richard, please don’t do this” I splutter, as I start to cry.

Without any warning, he forces himself into me.

“Aahhh!” I scream, his member invading me.

He begins to pound me. The forced penetration hurts me with every raging thrust.

I try my best to get away from him but he has his hands gripped tightly onto my legs; his finger nails piercing my skin. I can't escape...

“Richard, stop!” I scream. He continues without an answer.

“Richard, please!” I wail.

“Don’t you fucking love me!?” he roars. I realize he isn’t going to stop.

“Help me!” I scream as loud as I can. Richard let’s go of one of my legs and reaches his hand up to forcefully cover my mouth.

“Shut the fuck up!” he yells, still angrily pounding me. “You’re mine, remember!?” he lets go of my mouth and his hand goes for my neck. “This means you’re mine!” he cries, furiously; referring to my choker.

He’s trying to hold me down, but I don’t think he realizes that he’s choking me in the process.

“Richard…” I gasp. He takes no notice, and his thrusts become more violent.

I can feel myself almost breaking.

“Help…” I barely gasp, barely able to breathe; the tears streaming down my face.

There’s banging at the door as I hear someone trying to open it. Why did I lock the door…

“Richard!?” someone yells.

“FUCK OFF!” Richard roars back.

“Are you okay Lucy?!” I hear a different voice ask.

They go quiet for a moment listening for my reply; they continue to try and open the door after they don’t receive one. I’m trying my hardest to get some air as my heart feels like it’s going to explode from pounding so hard. My head is thumping, and the lack of air is adding to my disorientation. I can barely focus properly anymore. It’s only been a few minutes, but it feels like any eternity. I don’t know if I can take this abuse for much longer.  
  
“MOVE!” I hear bellow from the other side of the door.

_*BANG, BANG, BANG*_

I watch as the door bursts open; Till forcing it from his path. He runs over, and almost in slow motion, I watch him pull Richard from me; forcing him to the ground. I watch Paul and Christoph follow, as they try to pull Till from Richard.

I look over to see Oliver next to me. He’s talking to me, but I can’t hear what he’s saying. Everything is slowed down and the only thing I can hear is the ringing in my ears.

I feel Oliver wrap the sheet on the bed around me, covering my exposed skin. He then lifts me up and carries me out of the room; past the mess of men, fighting on the floor; past Flake, who is standing at the door, terrified by the display that is unfolding.

He carries me down the hall; past the boy’s rooms and into one of the spare rooms. He flicks on the light with the back of his arm then lays me down on the bed.

Oliver takes my face in his hands and looks into my eyes, trying to get my attention properly.

“Lucy, are you okay?” I hear his words this time and the slow motion stops.

I properly realize what’s happening, and my tears instantly start to fall again.

“Lucy, please; are you okay?” Oliver asks again.

I go to open my mouth but before I can even reply, Till storms into the room. Oliver turns around to see Till, moving out of his way as Till walks up to the bed. He scoops me up in his big arms, and leaves the room without a word.

He makes his way down the hallway till we reach his room. He kicks the door shut behind him as he enters the dark room. He finds his way to his bed with ease, and slowly lies back against the pillows leaning against the headboard.

All I can do is cry as he holds me close to him. He strokes my hair as I wail and whimper. Not once does he say a word; but he doesn’t need to. I feel safe now, in his strong embrace. I can’t even bare to think what would’ve happened if he hadn’t come and saved me.  
  
My bawling turns to sobs, and my sobs turn to silent tears, rolling down my cheeks. As much as I’m afraid to go to sleep right now, I can’t help but give in to my exhaustion. I feel my eyes fall shut as I start to drift off.

I feel a kiss land ever so softly on my forehead; and also a tear…?  
  
Oh Till… my heart breaks…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I started writing this story I had no idea it'd take a turn like this. Hope it wasn't too full on for some readers.  
> It does work in well with the story though. Love to hear your thoughts and feedback.  
> Get ready for the next twist in the story!
> 
> And also, sorry for making you wait so long for these chapters. The moment i started writing this fanfic my non existent social life did a complete 180. Will post more as soon as i can!


	18. A Nightmare

Chapter 18  
_A Nightmare_

“Help…!” I shout; waking myself up from a terrible nightmare.

A terrible nightmare of last night; I relived it over and over again.  
  
I shoot my eyes open and search the room in panic; searching for Richard. I feel arms wrapped around me and I try to escape, but they pull me in tight.

“Hey, hey, hey… It’s me, it’s me…” a familiar voice says; I suddenly remember where I fell asleep last night.

I relax at the realization that it’s Till’s arms I’m in, but my heart is still racing from my panicking.

“Calm down, it’s alright…” Till soothes, rubbing circles on my arm, calming me.

I rest my head back down on his warm chest and let go a sigh of relief. We lie there in silence for a bit longer as I calm myself down. What an awful night.

“Lucy… are you alright?” Till asks, unable to hold it in any longer.

It takes me a moment to think, but I answer truthfully. “I don’t know… I just feel so… numb… It feels like it was a dream. A dream that I relived over and over again last night in my sleep as well...”

“I see…” Till replies in his deep voice.

“It was so vivid and yet, it almost doesn’t seem real. I just can’t believe, Richard…” I trail off into thought.

“How did it happen?” he asks.

“We got back to the room and we were talking. Richard started getting handsy and I said no. Not that I was scared this time; but because he was just so drunk... I didn’t feel right about it. When he wouldn’t stop I accidentally kicked him, then he…” I stop myself and think it’s probably best if I leave out the part where Richard hit me. I don’t like the odds of Richard getting beaten up if Till were to find out about that. “… he got angry and he… he… forced himself on me”

I wait for Till’s response, but he doesn’t give one; and the room’s too dark for me to read his expression properly. There’s only a small amount of light peeking through the curtains.

“I tried to stop him but he was too strong and he was just so drunk. I don’t think he meant to, but he started choking me… and I could barely breathe… and… I…I…” my words turn into tears as the emotions come crawling back. Till rubs my arm again as he softly hushes me.

“I was so scared that no one heard me…” I wail. “I was so scared…”

“It’s okay now… I’m here.” Till soothes, kissing me gently on my forehead.

It takes me by surprise enough that it practically stops my tears in their tracks. I slowly wipe the trails of tears from my face. Till reaches up to help wipe them away, but I notice his hand and stop him.

“Till, what happened to your hand…?” I ask, inspecting from what I can tell in this dark light, is dry blood on his knuckles. He pulls his hand away from my grasp and hides it back under the sheet. He doesn’t answer.

“Till please tell me what happened; I told you my story didn’t I…?” I ask, hopeful. Some things are a little foggy from last night, and hopefully his side of things will clear it up.

“Well… First… We all heard you scream. Oliver and Paul were there before I was, and they were yelling out to Richard, trying to open the door. When they called out to you and you never replied… that was terrifying…”

Till’s words shock me. This is the first time I’ve ever heard him say that he was scared of something; I didn’t think it was possible.

“I told them to move, then I broke the door open. You know it…” Till starts, but gets choked up in his words; he takes a deep breath. “You know it broke my heart when I walked in and I saw what was happening. I saw his hand around your throat…” he stops and takes another deep breath; this time trying to calm himself. I can feel the anger he had from last night, building again.

“I was enraged. I pulled that bastard down to the ground and I laid into him. I only got a few hits in before Paul and Christoph managed to stop me. The only reason I stopped though was for your sake. I needed to know that you were okay...”

I feel a warmth form in my chest at the sound of his words. It feels nice to hear him say that he was so concerned for me. 

“I dropped Richard and I went and found where Oliver had taken you. I couldn’t bear to leave you there all night on your own; I just had to be with you. I wanted to keep you safe…”

Till’s words almost make time go in slow motion. Not like last night because of something horrible, but because of his honesty and caring. My heart beats quick in disbelief at his caring words. He wanted to keep me safe… My tears silently fall in reaction to new emotions that I am feeling.

It fills me with content, and I feel so fortunate and lucky to hear such words full of sincerity and affection. Richard has always said that he loves me; but I don’t feel like he’s ever made me feel like he cares. Not like the way Till does right now, at least. His words are so sincere; I can feel the emotion in them.

I place my hand on his chest to feel closer to him, and I feel him pull me in tighter, resting his cheek against my head. After a hellish night last night, I welcome this feeling of bliss; these sincere emotions and warmth. I forget about all the pain for a while. 

We sit in silence for a while, just appreciating the moment. I try to shift myself to a more comfortable position under the sheet I’m still wrapped up in. Then I realize; I’m not wearing any pants. I freeze in my spot and Till takes notice of my pause.

“Are you alright?” he asks concerned.

“Umm, I’m not wearing any pants… or underwear…”  I answer, really embarrassed.

“Oh…!” Till replies, awkwardly.

I can hear surprise and embarrassment in his voice. I don’t think he realized either till just now. He effortlessly lifts me up off him and lies me down on the bed next to him. “I’ll go find you some clothes, I won’t be long” he says hopping off the bed. He exits the room leaving the door wide open.

I lie on my back and stare up at the ceiling. I’m really thankful that Till has taken care of me after what happened last night. I have so many thoughts running through my head; so many questions. I push it all to the back of my mind; I’ve done enough crying already, I just don’t want to think about all that right now.

_*Click*_

I squeeze my eyes shut and cover them with my hands from the bright bedroom light that has just been turned on without warning.

“Give me some warning next time…” I grumble at Till. He’s returned sooner than I thought he would.

“Sorry…” the person says; it’s not Till. I turn to face the door and squint my eyes open. As they start to focus I realize it’s Christoph at the door.

“Christoph, you surprised me” I say, sitting up and pulling a pillow onto my lap so I feel a little more decent.

“Sorry about that. How are you feeling?” he asks, walking into Till’s room and leaning up against the wall next to the door.

“I’ll be alright” I give him a quick smile, trying to look as brave as I can.  I don’t want everyone to worry about me.

“Oh, okay…” he replies in an uninterested tone. He looks like his mind is in another place.

“Well… as good as I can be, I mean. I’m trying not to think about it…” I reply, a little confused by his current disposition.

“I see… So what happened?” he asks, turning his gaze towards me, folding his arms.

“Um… You saw what happened” I reply, confused.

“I mean, what did you say to Richard to make him do that?” he asks, candidly.

“Pardon…?” I reply, surprised.

“You must have said or done something to make him do something like that” he says, accusingly, his eyes narrowing.

“I don’t understand…” I stutter.

“Richard isn’t the type of guy to do something like that to a woman; especially one he cares about. You obviously did something” he says, accusingly; unfolding his arms and walking over to me. He stops next to the bed and leans down towards me, making me sit back feeling uncomfortable. He has such a bad vibe radiating off him.

“I’ve known Richard for a very long time, and he has never once pulled shit like this before. You fuckin’ did something” he accuses. There’s hate in his voice and it’s frightening.

“Christoph, I…” I stammer.

“Tell me!” he shouts.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing!?” Till yells from behind Christoph.

He grabs onto his shoulder and pulls him away from me. He pushes him back away from the bed and slowly walks up to Christoph threateningly. The muscles on his arms tightening as he displays his broadness, like some kind of animalistic display.

“What the hell did you say to her?” he demands.

“I asked her what she did to Richard to make him do that last night” he replies, fearless of Till.

“Are you implying that last night was her fault?” Till questions, I watch his fists tighten.

“I know she did something” Christoph replies, sure of himself.

“How can you even be talking to her like this, asking questions like that after what he did to her last night?” he growls, I can feel the anger radiating off Till.  
  
“Because this isn’t like Richard. I refuse to believe that he would do something like this without cause…” Christoph starts.

“Well you’d better believe it” Till interrupts.

“…and I think I already know the reason.” Christoph finishes, glancing over at me then back to Till. A shiver of unease runs through my body, what does he mean?  
  
“I’m not stupid, I can see it.” He announces.

“See what?” Till asks impatiently.

“See the two of you” he reveals, accusingly. “I see how the two of you act around each other; especially you” he says, pushing Till with one hand, square in the chest. “And you’re always coming to her rescue; like right now. I mean, what the fuck is she doing in your bed!?” he yells, in disgust.

“She couldn’t stay in her room now could she!?” Till yells back.

“There’s plenty of spare rooms!” Christoph remarks.

“We couldn’t leave her alone!” Till argues

“You didn’t have to sleep with her!” Christoph spits back.  
  
The two of them spit back at each other, closing in head to head like fighters before they start their match.  I don’t like where this is going. I don’t like what Christoph is saying either.

“I’m not blind, I can see it…” Christoph backs off, taking in deep breaths, trying to calm down. “You two are having an affair behind Richard’s back. That’s why he did that. You’re trying to take Lucy away from him!” he accuses, fire in his eyes.  
  
“We are not having an affair behind Richard’s back” Till replies, his fist clenching again.  
  
“But you love her! Don’t you…” Christoph interrupts. A sneer of a smile spreads in the corner of his mouth. “I can see it. The big, scary Till fell for Richard’s little doll. How sweet... It’s like a fairytale; like beauty and the beast. The ugly monster that no one could love falls for the beautiful maiden.” Christoph begins to laugh at his remarks.

I wait for Till to hit him, but he doesn’t. I wait for Till to say something back, but he doesn’t.  
  
Till’s fists are no longer clenched, and I watch his head drop a little, as if he’s been defeated. I can see that Christoph’s words have hit a nerve. He’s touched on something that has really hurt Till, and it is so painful to watch; and all I can do is watch.

“I don’t know why you’re even trying” Christoph spits, his mood changing back to disgust. “You know how this ends. When has anybody ever loved you? Enough to stay around at least…

“Hey!” I yell, grabbing Christoph’s attention. Till turn’s back to face me as well, there is pain in his eyes and it’s hurtful to see.

“How can you say such hurtful things to Till? He’s your friend too.” I ask, confused by this whole argument. 

“He’s…” Christoph starts.

“I’m not finished!” I interrupt, impatiently. “I don’t know where you get your ideas from but Till and I are not having an affair. I could never do that to Richard”

“Are you sure now? Cause that’s not what it looks like” he sneers.  
  
“Till has been very kind to me and has been there when I needed someone; like last night. I’m very thankful that he was generous enough to look after me. I really needed someone, and Till was there" I say, making my point.

“You do realize how suss all this looks right?” Christoph questions.

“I can see how you could think these things, but you’re wrong. He’s just looking out for me” I reply, setting things straight.

“So there’s nothing going on between you two?” Christoph asks, still unconvinced. 

I look to Till and see the restless look in his eye; waiting impatiently for my answer.  I take a deep breath and turn my attention back to Christoph.

“No, there isn’t” I reply; a strange wave of emotion washes over me as the words leave my mouth.

My answer is mostly truthful, but I don’t feel good saying it; it’s almost as if I wish there was something going on between us. I look over to Till’s gaze again, but he pulls it from me, looking elsewhere; but not before I see the anguish, and disappointment in his aching eyes. It nearly tears my heart in two.

“I don’t know what’s going to happen now; but I have only been Richard’s girl. I could never hurt him like that; not even now…”

The time I need affection the most and I’m openly declining it. When Christoph finally leaves, I would love nothing more but to hide back in Till’s warm embrace; letting all my worries go. But I can’t. I have to prove that I’m not unfaithful. As much as it hurts, I need to work through this on my own now.

“I see…” Christoph replies; I can see that he’s still not fully convinced though, but he’s listened to what I’ve had to say. “Just be careful in the future. I would hate for you to make the same mistakes again…”

“She hasn’t done anything!” Till roars, his anger peaking again.

“Till please…” I plead, just wanting this to be over.

Christoph gives one last accusing glare to the both of us before taking his leave; slipping silently from the room. I breathe a heavy sigh, feeling the strain of everything sitting heavy on my shoulders.

I watch Till as he picks up the clothes he fetched me up off the floor from when he came in and grabbed Christoph. He walks over slowly and hands them to me.

“Here’s your clothes…” he says, quietly.

“Thank you, Till” I reply, watching his heavy eyes all the while.

“Are you okay?” he asks, “I don’t understand why Christoph has his back up so much about everything.”

“Yes, I’m alright" I reply, giving a small quick smile. "He did ask me the other day if there was anything going on between us after he saw you sitting outside of my door.”

“I’m sorry, I’m to blame for this. If he hadn’t seen me then he wouldn’t have had those thoughts, then he wouldn’t have been in here accusing you. I’m sorry he did this" Till says, apologizing. 

“Don’t be sorry, it isn’t your fault, please don’t blame yourself. I’m sorry that he said such horrible things to you” I add, hoping that Till didn't take it all to heart. 

Till’s gaze wonders off again at the mention of the touchy subject. Christoph really did hit a nerve with Till. I watch him as he makes his way over to the opposite end of his room and then disappear into his en-suite.

He’s obviously avoiding my last comment, and it hurts to see that Christoph’s words could level a man of Till’s stature.

He reemerges with a folded towel in hand, placing it on the bed next to me.

“You can use my shower and get yourself cleaned up" he says, turning away. 

“Thank you…” I reply, softly.

“Just promise me you won’t hurt yourself again; like last time…” he says, turning back as he waits to hear my response. 

“I promise…” I reply, trying to hide my embarrassment.

I will always be ashamed of what I did to myself. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I still shouldn’t have lost myself like that.

Till walks off towards an armchair he has placed near a window. He opens the curtain letting the natural light in, and then takes a seat. He has books piled up at the side of the chair, but he doesn’t pick any up. He just stares off into the distance, resting his head in his hand that is propped up on the arm of the chair.

I take my clothes and my towel in one hand, and hold my sheet that’s wrapped around me in the other. I slowly make my way over to the bathroom. My lower half still in pain from the beating received from the night before.

I close the door behind me and set my things down on the vanity. I turn the shower on and throw the sheet to the ground; I notice it has blood on it. Whether it was from Till or me, I don’t care. I just want to get under the water and let those thoughts slip away.

I step into the hot water and let it run over me. The pressure hits my bruised skin like rocks, but I ignore it. I just wash away all the mess and the makeup from the night before.

I try to relax but I can’t shake Christoph’s words from my mind.

What if he is right? What if this is all my fault?

I can’t see anything working out for me at this point; everything is going to shit. With Richard and now Till too. I just seem to be hurting everyone.

What am I going to do?


	19. Cold Carbonara

Chapter 19  
_Cold Carbonara_

I twist the shower faucets off and think to myself, how long did I spend in here? Left alone with my thoughts about what just happened; I let the time pass by unnoticed.  
I step out of the steamy shower and grab the towel from the vanity that Till had given me. I dry myself off and slip into the change of clothes he had fetched for me; lucky for me they go together well. Not that it really matters though to be honest… I dry my hair best I can with the towel, then comb my fingers through it, pulling it up into a ponytail. I go to check that it looks alright in the mirror but it’s all fogged up from my shower; I won’t even bother. I couldn’t care less what I look like right now. I gather my clothes and the sheet up and put into the laundry basket in the bathroom.

I step towards the bathroom door and place my hand on the doorknob. I stand there for a while, wandering what will happen next, what will Till say... I take a deep breath and then open the door. I peek around the room; he’s gone…

I walk over to the armchair near the window and I take a seat; feeling the grooves worn into the material where Till usually resides. I look down the side of the chair at all of the books piled up; I wonder what he reads… I glance at the names on the spines of the books, but they’re all in German. I sit back into the armchair again, looking out through the window, searching for where he may have been looking before…

_*Creak*_

I hear the bedroom door open and I poke my head around the side of the armchair to see Till closing the door behind him. I sit back again, suddenly getting nervous for some reason. I don’t know why, but then again, I don’t know what he’s going to say either. I look up to see Till walk around the armchair with a bowl in his hand. He hands it to me and I take it in my hands. It’s Carbonara, my favourite.

“I thought you might be hungry, so I brought you some food” he says, taking a seat on the floor in front of me, leaning against the wall. “I noticed the other night that you really liked…” He stops mid-sentence as he looks up at me, a strange look in his eyes.

“What’s wrong?” I ask, puzzled. Have I got something on my face? I guess this would be the first time he’s seen me without makeup…

“Did you look in the mirror when you were in the bathroom?” he asks.

“No… why?” I ask, concerned that I’ve got makeup still smeared across my face.  
  
“Did Richard hit you?”

Oh… I guess there is something on my face…

I put my face down and stare into the bowl of pasta, ashamed of whatever mark he’s left.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to bring it up again. I just didn’t notice it before…” he says, calmly; his reply, shocking me.

Normally I’d expect him to be fist clenched and roaring; but this time is different... I look up at him and he looks almost as if he’s defeated. Whether the conversation we just had with Christoph changed anything, I don’t know, or maybe he’s just exhausted. But I feel sad at his dampened fire; this isn’t the Till I know…

“It’s okay… Thank you for the food” I say, managing a smile; I just want Till to look happy.

Watching him in this dampened mood is killing me; and I know that I’m to blame. Am I doomed to hurt everyone that I care for…?

“You can stay in here tonight if you like… I’ll look after you…” he says, finally looking back up at me; his eyes full of hope.

“Till… I…” I stammer.

The hope in his eyes turns to disappointment, and I can tell he already knows what I’m going to say. He turns his head away again as I try to explain myself.

“I can’t stay in here alone with you. Not after what just happened with Christoph. I can understand how all of this looks to him, and I can’t let Richard think the same; even after what happened last night.” I try to meet Till’s gaze again, but he just looks the other way; like he doesn’t want to hear what I’m saying. “I just need a little bit of time to work things out…”

“Then what…?” he asks, still averting his gaze.

“Well, I’m not sure…” I reply, a little lost for words.

“You don’t have any idea of what you might do now that you’re rid of him?” he asks, looking back at me with disapproval.

“What do you want me to say Till?” I ask, confused.

He says nothing and just shakes his head, looking back to where his gaze rested before. I don’t understand what he’s getting at and his cryptic attitude is the last thing I want to deal with right now. This silence is starting to make me a little frustrated.

“I think I should go now…” I say, getting up from the worn armchair. “I’ll just stay in one of the spare rooms”

Till’s eye’s grow wide at my statement and he turns his head towards me.

“Why can’t you just stay in your room?” he asks.

“Well I don’t particularly want to… what if Richard comes back?” I ask, thinking isn’t that the obvious reason?

“He won’t be back for a few days, trust me; and all you’re things are in there.” he continues.

“Well…” I start, beginning to think it over. 

“We had the cleaner change the sheets when they came this morning, so everything is clean" he informs me. 

“I guess so… But why can’t I just stay in one of the spare rooms?” I ask, confused at why he’s insisting.

“You have your own room; you don’t need to stay in any of the others” he replies, bluntly; his gaze turning away again.

“Oh…”

Till’s attitude right now is so different from the strong, comforting one that he usually displays when I’m in need. If I wasn’t already depressed enough, he’s helped me reach my peak…

“Well if you need me I’ll be in my room…” I say, feeling defeated. “Thank you for my food…”

Till looks up and I manage the smallest smile on my face, but he can see it’s full of pain. His face fills with regret and he moves to say something, but I just can’t bear it; so I walk away. I reach the door and look back as I pull it close behind me, Till’s figure and tormented expression, disappearing. I can’t take much more of this…

I make my way down the hall but I’m stopped by Christoph, almost as if he was waiting for me. He opens his mouth to say something, but stops himself as he studies my face. He’s obviously looking at the bruise that I assume is there from where Richard slapped me. At least it has one good use, shutting Christoph and his snide mouth up. I ignore him and push past him, continuing my way back to my room.

I stop at the foot of the door and take a deep breath in. I am so hesitant to enter, but I need to. I lightly push the door open and I slowly walk inside. I’m almost in shock…  
After the cleaners have been it’s like last night never happened. The messy floor has been cleaned up and the bed is freshly made. It’s been cleaned almost to perfection; you would never guess that such a horrible event had taken place only last night. The only clue left behind is the broken door. It closes, but it won’t stay closed. Till busted something when he broke it open… I shake his image from my mind and make my way over to the bed, sitting down on my side.

I switch the TV on with the remote that’s sitting on the side table. I flick through the channels until I come to Dr. Phil. I think that if anything is gunna make me feel better, or at least take my mind of things, is other people’s problems. I take a forkful of pasta from the bowl, but it’s cold now. It doesn’t taste amazing like it did the other night, not that the temperature is impacting it. I just feel like I’ve momentarily lost the ability to enjoy things. I just feel… well that’s it, I don’t feel… I don’t know what to do.

I finish off the bland, cold pasta and rest the bowl down on the side table. I work my way under the covers and lie down, keeping my eyes on the TV. It’s at the end of the program now where Dr. Phil gives his diagnosis and offers the person some form of professional help. I envy the ungrateful person being offered the help; I can only wish that it was me there instead. I need some guidance; I’m so lost right now… With what Christoph said, and what Richard did, and Till… What does he want me to do? I can barely wrap my head around my situation right now as it is; but now he’s adding to my confusion…

I close my eyes as I feel the tears well up. Someone… please help…


	20. Forgive Me

Chapter 20  
_Forgive Me_

_*Screaming*_

I shoot up in bed at the sound of screaming. I search the dark room with my eyes frantically, but am relieved and annoyed when I realize it’s coming from the TV. There’s some stupid horror film playing; it scared the absolute crap out of me. I do think I was having a nightmare though; I’ve woken up all clammy and sweaty. I must have fallen asleep earlier. I find the remote and flick it over to a music channel. I glance over at the alarm clock and it reads 10:04. Great… I need to stop making this a habit; going to sleep during the day so that I’m up all night… There’s nothing worse.

I pull the sheets away and get out of the bed. I need to have another shower now; there’s no way I can sit comfortably in bed after working up a sweat like that. I make my way over the light switch and flick it on so I can find a fresh change of clothes. I walk into the bathroom and set my clothes down on the vanity. I nearly jump in fright as I catch at glance of myself in the mirror; my heart racing. I lean in towards the mirror; properly inspecting the dark bruise forming around my eye. He didn’t directly hit my eye, but that’s where it’s bruising for some reason.

I turn on the shower and I get undressed. I step under the warm water, and wash away all the sweat with my fruity smelling body wash; much better… I stop what I’m doing as I can hear the door creak open, then footsteps. My heart starts to race as a million thoughts flick through my mind. I wait for the bathroom door to open, but it doesn’t…

Then Thriller starts.

Oh my god it was the fuckin music video playing on the TV. God damn it Michael Jackson! I nearly had kittens just then; not even kidding!

I quickly wash myself off and get out of the shower, my heart still quick from being startled. I get dressed and I decide to put some concealer on to cover the bruise. Partly because I don’t want anyone else to see it; but mostly because I’m afraid I’m gunna scare the shit out of myself again. I have had enough scares already for one night; I’m a bit on edge being all alone. I chuck my clothes into the laundry basket and I open the door, making my way back to my warm bed.

I stop myself as I just get outside of the door. The creaky door and footsteps may very well have been the music video; but there’s someone in my room.

Richard stands up from the end of the bed as he sees me walk out; switching the TV off with the remote. He’s got a sorry look on his face and a bunch of flowers in his hands.

I’m frozen…

I don’t know what to do; I wasn’t expecting this.

I wasn’t expecting to see him; at least, not this soon.

We stand there in silence for a moment, just staring, wondering who’s going to make the first move. Well I know it won’t be me; I have nothing to say right now.

“Lucy… I’m so sorry…” he hangs his head as his words come out. “I know it doesn’t…” he starts to walk over to me but I put my hand up and shake my head. This is as close as I want him to be right now and I can see that he understands that.

“I know it doesn’t mean anything, but I didn’t mean it. I was so drunk last night; I didn’t know what I was doing. You know I could never hurt you like that. You’re my little doll…”

The sound of that name leaves a sour taste in my mouth. After last night, I don’t know if I can handle him calling me that again.

“I bought you these…” he stretches his arm out, holding out the flowers, wanting me to take them.

I hesitate for a moment, but cautiously walk closer; taking the flowers in my hands. They’re a beautiful vibrant bunch of flowers, but if he thinks these will sway me, he has another thing coming.

“I know these won’t change or fix anything, but it felt wrong crawling back to you empty handed…”  
Crawling, hey… his words amuse me.

“Why did you come back…?” I ask, finally breaking my silence. His face seems hopeful that I’m engaging him.

“I had to… I know I did something awful, truly unspeakable… but I could never leave you; especially after what I did. I need to make things right” There’s pain written on his face and it feels good to see that he does regret what he’s done.

“Richard, you hurt me so bad last night; emotionally more than anything. You crossed a line that I don’t know that I could ever forgive…”

“I don’t expect you to; I understand that what I did is unforgivable. I know that; I fucked up, big time… But I want you to try… for our sake… I still love you so much Lucy and it tears me apart to think that this huge mistake that I’ve made, will cost me you… I don’t want to think about not being with you, you’re so important to me. I just… ugh… I can never forgive myself…” he returns his gaze to the floor, unable to look me in the eye anymore.

I can see that he’s truly being honest, but I don’t know what to do… He really has hurt me, so bad… But at the same time I can hear Christoph’s voice ringing in my head, saying that I’m being unfaithful; and I don’t want to prove him right…

We stand in silence again for another moment before Richard’s looks up to me again. He can see I’m fighting a battle in my head, trying to make sense of things and what I should do. He studies my face.

“I’m so sorry; I did that, didn’t I…?” he asks, running his hand gently across my face near my bruise. I pull away from his hand, not wanting to feel his touch right now. I guess I didn’t really do a good job at covering the bruise…

“It doesn’t matter…” I reply, not wanting to talk about it.

“But it does.” He says, his face filling with pain again. “Lucy, I can never forgive myself for hurting you like that; I will have to wear that burden for the rest of my life. I know it’s insane of me to ask, but I want you to give me another chance… I know I can make things right, you just gotta give me a chance…”

“Richard, I…”

“Lucy, please… I was so drunk, and angry and…”

“Don’t make excuses…” I shake my head. “I’ll listen to what you have to say, but don’t try to justify what you did…”

“I’m sorry… I just don’t want to lose you… I love you Lucy…” he says, reaching into his pocket, pulling out a little box. My heart races as he opens it up to a small diamond ring.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa…” I stammer, in disbelief. “What are you doing…?”

“It’s not what you think!” Richard says, trying to stop me jumping to conclusions.

“Well what is it then?!” I ask, needing an answer before I have another heart attack.

“It’s a promise ring.” He says, nervously.

“A promise ring?” I ask, confused.

“Yeah, this ring is a promise to you from me that I’ll do better. I promise that I’ll never hurt you or make you feel sad or uncomfortable, ever again. I promise that I’ll try my best every day to do right by you, and make sure you’re happy and that I’m doing the best I can. It’s a promise, that one day I hope I can ask you that important question; because I want to. Lucy, you’re the one for me; and I don’t know what I’d do without you… All I’m asking is for another chance…”

He takes the ring from the box and holds it between two fingers, placing the box back in his pocket. He holds his other hand out, waiting for me to give him mine…

All I can do is just stand there. Right now, I’m just in shock; I don’t know what to do. A part of me is thinking about whether it’s ethical for me to accept his apology; and the other half can’t help but wonder what everyone else is going to think… I toss up yes and no back and forth, over and over in my mind.

I look up to meet Richard’s gaze, and his eyes are so full of regret and pain; I can’t help but feel my heart break a little. I will never forgive Richard for what he did… but maybe I owe him another chance. After everything Christoph said, I don’t think I have any other choice…

I feel like I owe it to him, even after all of this. Maybe things will work out better this time. I just want to feel some love again. I can’t go on like this; it’ll destroy me from the inside out…

I raise my hand up to his and rest it softly in his palm. He gently slips the ring onto my middle finger. Perfect fit… I look up to Richard’s face and there’s a smile spread out from ear to ear. I can’t help but smile a little too.

“Just don’t let me regret this…” I say, in all seriousness.

“I won’t, I promise…” he says, kissing me softly on the cheek. He pulls me in close to him, ever so gently. He knows that I would still be feeling on edge after last night, so he’s being conscious about how he’s touching me. As much as I didn’t want him touching me before, I’m soaking up this embrace right now. It feels good to finally feel a warm connection again.

I will be honest though, it still doesn’t feel as good as Till’s…  
As Richard holds me, all I can think of right now is Till.

Have I made the right choice…?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the late update! Hope these chapters have been worth the wait!


	21. Melancholy

Chapter 21  
_Melancholy_

_*Click, click, click*_

I flick through the channels on the TV, trying to find something worth watching.

I’m lying back in bed, rugged up under the blankets. It’s late and I’m tired, but I’m staying up till Richard gets home.

It’s been nearly a week since I agreed to take him back. Since that night he’s been out every day working long hours into the night with Emigrate. They’re finalizing the album now and starting to do some promotional work so I understand that he’s really busy; but I’d be lying if I said it didn’t bother me. I know he’s got BIG responsibilities, but he comes home late every night. He says hey, has a shower, says goodnight, then goes to sleep.

I am worried that he’s working too hard; but I’m also worried about if I’ve made the right decision, or not. After I took him back after everything that happened, I’m still in a very fragile place; and so far he hasn’t really made any effort to help me out of there… I’m not getting that quality time with him that I’m longing for, and it sucks. I just want to feel a connection with him again. I guess all I can do right now is wait…

Last night he said he’d come home early today and spend some time with me; but he’s still not here yet. I look over at the alarm clock and see that it’s past 9; he’s out longer that he usually is…

Apart from all that I’m over my dehydration; so I feel a lot better now, in that aspect. My black eye is gone and my face doesn’t hurt anymore; and Dr. Mills came and saw me. He said he came on his own saying that he wanted to check up on me for my dehydration; but I’m pretty sure I know who would’ve called him…

His acting was terrible when he tried to act surprised when I told him about what happened with Richard.   
He insisted on checking me over to make sure everything was all okay and I was fine with that. Turns out though that the blood on the sheets was mine… But I’m alright; I was just a little sore for a few days was all…

I did have a photo shoot booked this week, but I was really fortunate that I was able to push it back a couple weeks. The agency was very understanding and didn’t pry too much; I was extremely lucky that the client whose shoot it was for wasn’t restricted by any time constraints. I need some time to myself right now to sort things out; and at the moment I’m too damn depressed to stand in front of a camera…

I’m too damn depressed to even leave this room. I mean I’ve been out to get food and stuff; making awkward chit chat with all the guys when I run into them.   
  
It really sucks not being able to talk to them like normal. I did try, but after what Richard did and then how I took him back; I feel like they’re all judging me… They might not be, but I can’t help but feel that way. That’s why I asked him last night if we could spend some time with each other. I need to be sure that I’ve made the right choice; I need some affection…

I saw Till a couple times, but he never says a word; he just leaves the room. It’s really tearing me up because I know that taking Richard back has hurt him so bad… He’s the reason that I’m having this never ending torturous war in my mind. I just need to talk to him; I just wish he’d give me a chance to explain myself…

Then there’s Christoph… he still doesn’t trust me; but I think he’s happy in the fact that I have myself in a miserable position. I really don’t understand him. The first time I met him at dinner he almost seemed to be flirting with me; he was really nice, like he always seemed to be in interviews. But I can only put his attitude towards me down to a strong bond between him and Richard. When he confronted Till and I the morning after the incident, he was so angry and upset; it was like he didn’t care what Till or I had to say, he didn’t want to believe that his best friend could do such a thing without provocation. Whether he feels any different towards me again now that I’ve taken Richard back, who knows; and who cares… My dependence on his approval that my intentions are true has only gotten me to this sad and sorry point. I’m starting to feel like I should have never let his words influence my decision in the first place.

Hmm… I wish Richard would come home soon… We need to talk.

I glance over at the alarm clock once more and wonder what’s taking him so long. He said that tonight he’d be home earlier than the other nights so we could spend some time with each other; but this is the latest he’s been out all week.

I’m getting stir crazy now and I don’t think I can lie on this god forsaken bed any longer; I need some fresh air. I switch off the TV and get out of bed. I slip on my cardigan as I know its gunna be a bit cool outside, and make my way out.

Almost all of the lights are off in the boy’s rooms; but I can still hear sound. I walk past Paul’s room and can hear him strumming away on his guitar. I walk past Ollie’s room and I can hear him watching some movie or show in German. There’s music coming from Christoph’s room, and Flake’s; but there’s silence from Till’s. I can see some light shining through from under the door; he might be reading one of his books.

I walk through the kitchen and dining area and make my way to the balcony door. I slide it open and feel the cool spring breeze rush past me. I shut the door behind me, and that’s when I realize I’m not alone. Till’s not in his room reading one of his books, he’s out here, leaning over the railing having a smoke.

What a spot I’ve put myself in…


	22. Do You Want To Know?

Chapter 22  
_Do You Want To Know?_

I’m not sure if he hasn’t noticed me yet, or he’s just ignoring me…

I quietly make my way towards the railing; I’m standing about 2 meters away from Till now; he still makes no movement. This is the first time that I’ve seen him in a couple days; I think he’s been purposely avoiding me at all costs. As awkward as this whole situation is right now, I still need to talk to him…

“Hey…” I quietly say. He looks over at me and makes eye contact for a brief moment, but then turns to watch the city again; taking another draw from his cigarette, and leaving me without a reply.

“Cool outside tonight…” still no reply. “Aren’t you cold?”

“No” he replies bluntly, still looking out across the busy streets. He’s wearing tracksuit pants, but he only has a singlet on. I can see the hairs on his muscled arms standing up from the biting breeze; but it really doesn’t seem to faze him.

“Oh… that’s good…” I reply awkwardly, trying to keep the conversation going. “So… did you get up to anything today…”

“Don’t you have anything better to do?” he interrupts, impatiently.

“Pardon…?” I ask, a little caught off guard.

“Shouldn’t you be running back off to that cad, little doll?” he flicks his cigarette butt off into the distance.

“…What’s your problem?” I ask, confused at his sudden peevishness. I’m only trying to talk to him.  
“What’s my problem?” he asks in disbelief, “You’ve got to be kidding me…” he turns to face me, finally making proper contact. “Do you really need me to spell it out for you?”.

I open my mouth to reply, but nothing comes out; I stand there in silence looking stupid, not knowing what to say.

Till shakes his head, “I really don’t get it… Richard raped you… He abused you physically and emotionally; but you went running back to him the moment he turns up. I can’t fucking fathom how you thought that that was a good idea…” his temper is rising.

“Till… you don’t understand…” I say nervously, trying to stop him before he starts.

“How did he persuade you?” he interrupts. “Did he say he say he’d change? Did he say he’d be a better man?”

I stand there in silence, enduring his temper; trying to keep eye contact.

“Did he say he’d marry you?” he spits jokingly.

My gaze leaves his guiltily for a moment, and when it returns the expression on his face tells me that he’s picked up on my miniscule change in emotion. He walks up to me forcefully grabs my hand, inspecting the small diamond ring on my finger, before letting it fall from his grasp.

“You’ve got to be kidding me…” he mutters, in disbelief. He moves back to his original spot, leaning against the railing, holding his head in his hands.

“Till you don’t understand” I say, trying to get his attention back. “You’ve got the wrong idea… let me explain!”

“Explain what…?!” he asks, distressed; he turns back to face me. “Explain that everything’s okay as long as he gives you shiny, expensive things?!” he accuses.

“No!” I yell, hurt that he thinks I’d be swayed in that sense. I couldn’t care less about expensive gifts at all. “It’s a promise ring”

Till looks at me in surprise and begins to chuckle, “What? Did he promise you he wouldn’t rape you again? What a standup guy” he says sarcastically, his mood changing back to its state of disbelief. I can’t believe how Till is acting right now.

“He said he promised that he’d never hurt me or make me sad again. He promised he’d try and do better by the both of us. He promised that he’d make me happy…”

Till stand there in silence for a moment, but it’s not long before a smile spreads across his face and he breaks into laughter. I don’t understand what’s happening right now at all. I don’t know what he thinks is so funny.

“What’s your problem?” I ask annoyed and confused.

“My problem? I can’t believe that you bought all of that.” He continues to chuckle

“Excuse me?” I ask defensively; I’m really starting to get offended by Till’s childish behavior.

“Well are you happy…?” he asks, his expression genuine. 

Once again I’m left speechless. I want to reply yes to prove him wrong, but I would be lying. I’m trying really hard to believe what Richard said to me, but so far Till’s proving him wrong.

“See… so far he’s not doing very well at keeping his promises.” He comments at my silence. “He’s pathetic…”

“He also promised that one day he wants to ask me to marry him…” I stutter in a final attempt to prove Richards good intent.

I wait for Till to laugh at me again, but he doesn’t. His expression turns serious and he sharpens his stare.

“And is that what you want?” he asks in uncertainty.

“Well…” I start, but not sure how to continue. 

“He doesn’t love you” he interrupts, not giving me a chance to answer; he doesn’t want to hear it. “He just thinks of you as one of his shiny, beautiful possessions he likes to show off. That’s why he gave you that collar, to show that you’re his property. Can’t you see that?” he says, pointing at the choker he gave me.

He leaves me lost for words again. I reach up and touch the crystal choker. Is this really a collar? Does he really only think of me as a possession…

“Why are you saying these things…?” I whisper emotionally.

“Because you need to hear it” Till declares.

“Don’t you think I’ve been tormented enough…?” I question, on the verge of tears.  
  
“And what about me!?” he bellows; taking me by surprise. “What about my torment…? How do you think I feel watching you get hurt over and over, and not being able to do anything about it? And worse; you keep running back to him!”

“Till… I…” I stutter.

“Why him!?” he yells in distress. “He keeps hurting you, and for some god forsaken reason you keep giving him another chance. Why not me…? I’ve always been there, every single time; to save you or wipe away your tears. I care about you!!! Why do you keep choosing him!?”

He waits for my response, but yet again I am unable to give one. For the first time he’s practically expressing that he has feelings towards me, and I don’t quite know how to respond. A part of me wants to run to him but I’ve already committed myself to Richard, I can’t throw it back in his face now…

“I saved you from that creep in the alleyway that night we went to dinner; and then I stayed up all night to keep an eye on you when you came out here, just to make sure you were alright.”

“How did you know I came out here…?” I ask, surprised.

“I heard you outside my door, I know you were there…” he says, unfazed. 

My cheeks flush with heat as I feel myself blush; embarrassed that this whole time he knew I was at his door. He watched me that whole night… I never knew…

I think back and remember seeing his door open and his room empty on my way back to my room that morning; he’s telling the truth.

“And when I sat outside your room all night when Richard left, in case you needed me.  Then I went out to look for that bastard for you, after I heard what he’d done…”

“What he’d done?” I ask confused. “You mean why he left that night? I thought you didn’t know until the next night when I told you...”

“You want to know why Richard’s been coming home late at night…?” Till asks, walking towards me; there’s seriousness in his eyes. “Don’t you know where he is or what he’s been doing out late these last few nights?”

“He’s been working with Emigrate, on the new album…” I reply confused.

“Are you sure?” he asks, confusing me even more.

“He’s just been really busy…” I say, unsure of myself. He said he’d come home early tonight…

“If you want to know the truth, go look in the last spare room at the end of the hall; then you’ll get your answer…” he says, his angry eyes turning to a painful regret; leaving my gaze, confusing me. He turns away again and leans back against the railing, pulling out and lighting up another cigarette.

Go look in the spare room… what’s in there? I thought it was crowded with old band equipment and instruments. Does he mean Richard’s there? My curiosity fills me and I find myself walking towards the door. I look back to see if Till is going to follow, but he doesn’t.

It looks like I’m doing this on my own…


	23. I'm Not Your Babe

Chapter 23  
_I’m Not Your Babe_

I close the balcony door behind me and I make my way through the dining and kitchen. I slowly make my way down the hallway, my heart rate quickening with every step I take. I don’t know what to expect; I don’t know what I will find on the other side of the door. 

Nobody goes down here so I don’t understand why Till’s sending me there. I’m pretty sure Richard said the last ones couldn’t even be used for guest rooms anymore because they had so much junk stored in them. He told me not to go in them because they were packed with so much stuff, he didn’t want anything accidentally falling on me. Either that or some of their old pyro machines somehow coming back to life. Who knows…

As I get the last room in my sights, everything slows down; almost in slow motion. Everything was silent and all I could hear was my thumping pulse; but now I can hear music… As I get closer I can hear music… I can hear ‘Babe’ playing; the song that Richard wrote for me. Richard must be here. Is he practicing? If he’s been doing work in here this whole time, why couldn’t he have told me?

I reach the door and grab the knob, but I stop myself from turning it for some reason. I stand there for a moment and pull my ear close to the door. For some reason I get the urge to try and listen for Richard; and then I hear it. It isn’t Richard; it’s a woman.

I pull my ear back and my hand automatically turns the knob, leaving the door to freely swing open. My heart stops…

The door opens; not to a room full of junk, but to a room full of lies.

I stand there in shock and disbelief as I watch a naked Richard banging some blonde, big breasted bimbo from behind. She’s on all fours at the end of the bed and Richard is clutching onto her ass, pounding her relentlessly; their moans smashing up what’s left of my heart into a thousand pieces…

I want to run away but I can’t, I’m frozen...

It feels like an eternity, but then suddenly Richard sees me…

“FUCK!” he yells, pulling himself from the woman and pushing her away; he starts to pull his pants back up. “LUCY!” he yells out to me as I make my escape.

I run back down the hall trying to focus as best I can, tears streaming down my face. I make it to the living area, and I see Till’s already waiting there…

He’s sitting down on the couch, but as soon as he sees my tears he jumps up. He goes to embrace me, but I push him away.

“How long have you known?!” I splutter, overwhelmed with emotion. “How long has this been happening?! Why did you only tell me just now?!”

He stands there in silence, his expression growing heavy with guilt and regret.

“You said you cared about me!” I cry.

“I do care about you…” he says, his eyes meeting mine again. “I was just trying to protect you… I didn’t want to be the one to break your heart… I’m so sorry Lucy” he soothes, pulling me into his arms as I cry. This time I accept his embrace, giving in to his comforting hold.

“Babe!” Richard bursts into the room, sweaty and out of breath.

He’s shirtless and has only managed to put his jeans back on. I break away from Till’s arms to turn and face him.

“I’m so sorry…” he says, trying to pull me into his arms.

“I’m not you’re babe!” I push him away in disgust with all my might. “And I’m not you’re little doll either...”

“Lucy… I can explain…” he says gently, trying to calm me down.

“I don’t want to fucking hear it Richard!” I yell. “I thought you were out late at night working hard on your new album; but you were actually here, sneaking chicks in here to fuck behind my back!” My tears stop and my emotions just turn to rage; I feel so betrayed right now.

“And that song is complete bullshit. Have you been playing it to all the girls you’ve been bringing here!? What the fuck did you get up to for the month that I didn’t see you for?!”

“Nothing I swear!” he says, trying to sound convincing.

“Are you sure? Cause after what I just saw I don’t know if I can believe that!” I shout.

“I could never do that to you, I swear! This was just a onetime thing, I promise!” I can’t believe what’s coming out of his mouth.

“You promise, eh?” Till speaks up unimpressed. I gather the sound of another empty promise isn’t sitting too well with him. Richard’s sorry gaze fixes in on Till, turning to fury.

“You… This is all your fault!” Richard spits.

“My fault?” Till laughs, “How is this my fault?”

“Something happened that night you both went out to dinner, I know it!” Richard snarls at Till.

“And then you disappeared that night when you thought I was asleep” he points at me, accusingly. “You went to his room, didn’t you…!?”

“Fine!” I yell at Richard. “Something did happen; but you have it all wrong. I wanted to tell you, but I didn’t want to you to worry about me…”

“Worry about you?” he asks confused. “So you weren’t fucking him behind my back?”

“NO!” I roar in disbelief; how could he think that I’m capable of such disloyalty.

“I didn’t want to tell you, but I was molested after dinner and that night… I left our room to sit on the balcony and have some time alone. And the marks I had on me that you told me to cover up were from scrubbing myself because I felt so disgusting. Till has been the only one looking after me through everything when you weren’t there…”

“I didn’t realize…” Richard mutters in disbelief. “I thought you… and Till…”

“You thought wrong” Till interrupts. “It wasn’t me who fucked things up for both of you; you’ve gone and done this all yourself… I was the one who watched over her after you stormed off that night and started your whoring. I was the one who looked after her when you ruined her. And I’m gunna be the one whose gunna take care of her from now on!” Till roars. “You are never allowed to hurt her again…”

I feel a little warmth at Till’s last words. It feels so comforting hearing him say he’ll never let Richard hurt me again; so masculine and protective. And he said he’d take care of me from now on…?

_*Laughter*_

My thoughts are interrupted by the sound of Richard’s twisted laughter. Somehow what Till has said has left him amused…

“You have another thing coming if you think she’s going to settle with you!" he laughs. “You’ve got to be kidding me! And who said I was letting her go?” he says bitterly, trying to pull me close again.

“Who says I’m staying with you? You lying piece of shit!” I spit, pushing him away again.  “You promised me that you would never hurt me again, and that you’d try and do better for our relationship! And now you’ve done this and thrown it all away like it was nothing!”

The rage inside me is building up and I can’t hold anything back now.

“And how dare you laugh at Till! Any girl would be lucky to have him; I’m lucky to have him!” I feel Till’s eyes dart towards me, my words striking him where Christoph and Richard have only left hurt.

I work the small diamond ring off my finger. “Till’s twice the man you’ll ever be!” I yell, throwing the ring at him.

_*Slap*_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're nearing the end of our story friends...


	24. No You Don't

Chapter 24  
_No You Don’t_

Richard strikes me hard in the face; exactly the same spot as he did last time. Only this time he hits me with such force, that I feel myself fall to the ground. Immediately there’s ringing in my ears; I open my eyes and everything’s blurry for a moment. When my eyes adjust I find myself looking at the entry way to the living area. All of the boys are there; I didn’t realize it before, but they must have come out when they heard us all yelling.

I watch as Paul, Oliver and Christoph run past me. Flake rushes over to me, kneeling down.

“Are you okay Lucy?!” he asks worriedly. He starts helping me up, pulling my arm around his shoulders. He stands me up and starts to head toward the exit, but I pull away.

“No, I want to stay…” I mumble, still a little disorientated.

I turn around to see Till and Richard beating into each other with all their force. The guys are trying to hold them back best they can, but Till and Richard are ravenous. Nothing is going to get in the way of their animalistic brawl.

“STOP!” I yell in desperation. But my voice goes unheard. They continue to fight relentlessly. I watch helplessly as Till accidently serves his elbow into the side of Paul’s face.

“Please…!” Till takes notice and starts to calm down at the sound of my voice, reminding him that I’m here. I’m the one that matters to him; not some stupid fight.  He pushes Richard away and Christoph manages to pull him back, Oliver rushing over to help Christoph hold Richard’s possessed arms. He’s so full of anger…

I look both Richard and Till over; they’re both bloody and swollen. They’ll definitely be bruised tomorrow. And poor Paul, he’s holding the side of his face, I feel sorry for him the most; he wasn’t involved and he still got hit.

I walk up to Richard, Oliver and Christoph still holding him back.

“Take this off…” I demand, touching the choker.

“Why should I?” he spits, anger and defeat in his eyes.

“Because I’m not you’re fucking property!” I yell, enraged. “I’m not your ‘little doll’ that you get to play with whenever you feel like, and then throw away when you’re bored. I’m sick of you treating me like shit! It’s over Richard…”

I feel relief with the voicing of my words. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I wait for his response, but it’s not what I want to hear…

“I won’t let you leave me!” He yells, furious; trying desperately to pull away from Oliver and Christoph’s grip. “You’re mine…! I love you…” He cries in desperation.

“No you don’t…” Till says, ripping the chain with the key on it from his neck. “Go back to your whore…”

Till walks over to me as I watch Paul and Christoph release Richard from their grasp. I expect him to run over and have another go at Till; but he doesn’t. He just stands there in defeat; pain and regret gripping his expression. He stares into my eyes desperately looking for a sign of hope, hope that I might change my mind; but that will never happen.

Till wraps his arm around my shoulder and leads out of the room. Paul giving me a small smile of support as we walk past him; he’s still holding his face. We walk down the long hall toward his room.

There’s a million thought’s going through my head right now; and I still can’t believe what has happened.  
  
To think that Richard intentionally went behind my back and cheated on me leaves me speechless. Especially after all those promises he made, I feel so betrayed. I can’t believe I was so stupid!  
  
I can’t believe I tried to hang on to such a worthless love. I’m only fortunate in the sense that we were only together for about 2 months. I can only imagine how much worse the damage and the fall out would have been if we had stayed together any longer. Who could tell what other torment he would have led me through... God, I feel like such an idiot...

It only breaks my heart even more that I chose to stay with Richard over Till… Like Till said, he was the one that was always there for me all those times that I needed someone. He was there, every time I was hurt, or even after I had unknowingly hurt him… Even after I broke his heart taking Richard back, he’s stayed by my side. I owe him so much.  
  
As we reach his bedroom door all I can think is, what lies ahead for us now…?


	25. Mein Engel

Chapter 25  
_Mein Engel_

Till opens his bedroom door, standing back and gesturing for me to enter before him, like a gentleman. He closes the door behind him and takes me by the hand. He leads me to the foot of his bed and sits me down.

“Wait right here…” he says, turning and heading towards the en-suite. I watch him enter, flicking on the light; I hear the sound of a cupboard door close, then the running of a tap before he flicks the light off again and re-emerges.

He walks back up to me and kneels down at my feet, with a damp hand towel in hand. He folds it, and then raises it up to the side of my face; the cool damp material feels soothing against my aching skin.

“Are you alright?” he asks, holding the towel gently against my face. His question almost seems bizarre to me as I examine his beaten face. He’s trying to tend to my meager bruise, and yet he’s face is swollen and bloody. I raise my hand to rest on his that is holding the towel.

“Of course, I’m fine. But what about you?” I ask worriedly, pulling his hand from my face.

His eyes watch my hands as I hold his with one, and remove the towel from his with the other. I reach up and start to work away some of the blood that is starting to dry from around his bottom lip and where his cheek has slightly split, being as gentle as I possibly can.

“Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine…” he says, trying to pull my hand away.

“Please…” I say gently but sternly, “Let me…”

He lets his hand slip from mine and I return the towel to his face; gently pressing and wiping over his wounds. I study his face as I clean away the blood, examining old scars left behind from stage stunts over the years.  
  
I run my eyes down the length of his jaw line, following the towel as I slowly sweep it down; it’s so defined and strong…

My eyes follow the trail of the towel up to his lips; as I dab away the blood I can’t help but think back to how soft they felt against my skin when he gently kissed me that night I fell asleep in his arms. I think about how they would feel against my own… how they’d taste…

I stop myself in my daydream and realize that I’ve been sitting there motionless, the towel frozen in place against his lips. My eyes dart up to meet his; he’s watching me. He doesn’t seem to care that I’ve stopped. His eyes are focused and full of intensity; I feel as though he’s been studying me too…

I quickly return to wiping the rest of the blood from his face, trying to shake the awkward feeling.

“You really didn’t have to fight him you know…” I say, trying not to make eye contact.

“Of course I did, he hit you, right in front of me. I wasn’t going to stand there and do nothing” he replies, his voice irritated.

“I know… I just makes me upset to see you beaten up… Especially because it was my fault...” I say, my voice full of sorrow.

“It wasn’t your fault; he had it coming to him” Till says, reassuring me. “He’s had it coming to him for a while now… It felt good to finally teach him a lesson. Hopefully this time he’s learned something.”

“Yeah…” I say, my mind drifting off, thinking again about all the wrong that Richard has done.

“I’m sorry for what he’s done to you…” Till says, bringing me back to reality.

I notice I froze up again, and that I’ve been wiping away at nothing. All the blood on his face is gone, but I want to keep myself busy. I search down his body where my eyes meet up with his hands; both fists are stained with blood. I take one of his hands in mine and I gently begin to clean his knuckles.

“It’s okay…” I mumble, not particularly wanting to think about it much right now.

“No it’s not… He did some truly awful things to you Lucy…” he says, I look up to his eyes, they’re full of hurt.

He’s feeling pain for me, but I know he’s carrying pain of his own as well. I can’t bear to let it go on any longer.

“Till if anyone is going to be sorry, it’s me…” I say, looking earnestly into his eyes; the expression on his face tells me he’s confused.

“I know that Richard did some awful things, and he really did hurt me… But I’ve hurt you too…” Till’s confusion disappears and his expression weakens, looking down to watch his hands be cleaned, breaking our stare.  
  
“I think I realized pretty quickly after that night you took me to that German restaurant, how you really felt about me. This whole time though, I didn’t want to believe it; so I locked it away in the back of my mind… In hindsight, I now realize just how cruel that was of me. Every time Richard hurt me, you would look after me and be there for me; and then I’d run back to his arms, every time… You must have thought it was a pretty sick joke I was playing, hurting you like that…” I say ashamed.

“No… I understand…” he replies, still watching me gently wipe the remaining blood from his knuckles.

“I just can’t believe how stupid I was!” I say, frustrated with myself.

I look down to his hands and I notice they’re all clean; but he keeps them there, resting in mine. I take a deep breath and calm myself again.

“I could see how much he was hurting me… and I could see how much you cared… What’s wrong with me…?”

We sit in silence for a bit and Till gives no reply. I study his hands and begin to trace circles with my thumb on the back of his hand that I am holding; causing him to gently grip my hand. His small gesture giving me strength.

“I never meant to hurt you Till… but I know that I did… I’m so sorry...” I nearly sob, I stop rubbing circles on his hand; to which he takes both of mine in his.

“It’s okay…” he says softly. “I know you never meant to… I’ve gone through shit in the past too; I’ve never really had much luck with love either…”

My heart almost breaks a little more at the sound of his words… I don’t know how anyone could let go of such an amazing guy like Till…

And in that moment I realize how truly stupid I am.

This time I won’t let him go…

I feel all my emotions and feelings build up at once, and I dig deep for courage for the words that I’m about to say…

“Till… I know it’s a lot to ask after everything I’ve done…” I say nervously, I take another deep breath. “But maybe we could give it a try…? You know… at love…” I feel myself panic inside at the thought of rejection. I know his feelings were obvious, but after all this he may have changed his mind…

I slowly lead my gaze back up to his. He says nothing, but his eyes are like I’ve never seen them before, so full of intensity. I’m afraid of what he’s going to say, but then he takes me by surprise; he places a hand at the back of my neck and pulls me in for a long, satisfying kiss. It is well over due and I can feel the satisfaction and happiness through his lips.

He slowly pulls away and we both open our eyes back up to meet each other’s. The look of fulfillment beams from Till’s face, and if I could read his mind I think I’d be able to hear him say ‘finally…’.

“…Thank you…” I say softly, overwhelmed that he would still accept me, after everything that has happened.

“Anything for you… Mein Engel…” I feel my heart skip a beat as he speaks in his deep German accent.

I can’t help myself and I wrap my hands around the back of his neck, pulling him in for another kiss.

This time, neither of us pulls away; and it only grows more heated… Till is still kneeling at the foot of the bed, and I feel his hands creep up my legs, gently caressing. We continue our passionate kiss and his hands continue to climb, gripping my waist; then moving back down to feel my ass, holding it in his big hands.

Our heated kiss and his wandering hands leave me wanting more. I pull away from our locked lips and we both take the opportunity to get some air. I lift my feet up onto the bed and work my way backwards, to the head of the bed. Till’s eyes are wild as he watches me, taking off his shirt, displaying his masculine physique.  I study his well-toned torso as he makes his way up to me on all fours; like a lion creeping up to its prey…

 I lie back against the pillows and he lowers his head down to me, kissing me hungrily… He caresses his hand up my side till is reaches my neck, gently holding it… but then suddenly he pulls away…

He sits up, but before I can ask him what’s wrong I see him retrieve Richard’s chain from his pocket. He takes the tiny key in his large fingers and reaches back down to my neck. I tilt my head back as I feel his hands grip onto the Swarovski choker, unlocking the tiny lock, and releasing it from my neck. As he pulls it away I almost feel as though I can breathe a bit better; I didn’t realize that it was a little tight after wearing it for so long. I watch as Till tosses it away across the floor, and I feel like a weight has been lifted off of me; I don’t have to wear that collar any longer…

I look back to his eyes and I still see the hunger in them. I sit up against him and I take of my shirt, tossing it away, and pulling Till back down with me. We begin to kiss again and I take the opportunity to run my hands all over his muscled physique; taking my time caressing his back and feeling his huge biceps, I secretly had longed to touch them.

We continue to make out but I realize that he is yet to touch my bare skin… I doubt that he’s nervous, and I’m longing for his touch… I reach my hand down to his and pull it back up, resting it on my breast. To my surprise he pulls it away; so I pull away from our kiss.

“What’s wrong…?” I ask, a mixture of confusion and concern spreading across my face.

“I… I don’t want to ruin you…” he says ashamed, his eyes filling with pain.

“…ruin me…?” I whisper, confused. But then I think back to what Christoph said and I realize that’s what he’s talking about. It’s sad to think that Till is so self-conscious about this… Christoph’s words must have really got to him.

I sit up against him again, and I find his gaze. “I’ve never wanted anything more than how much I want you right now…” I say, re-assuring him. “I want you Till…”

He stares into my eyes deeply for a moment, but it seems to be enough as he pulls me in again for another passionate kiss. His hands falling down from my neck to pull my bra straps down my arms. He rather impressively undoes my bra in an instant with one hand, tossing it away.

He pushes me back down against the bed and lets his eyes run over my naked chest. He lunges back down to me, giving me one last hungry kiss before his lips run down to my neck… He leaves a trail of eager kisses before stopping to nibble my neck; encouraging a soft moan to escape from my lips. It’s all Till needs to hear to make him venture down further.

He begins his trail of kisses again, leading down the middle of my chest, down my cleavage, in between my breasts; his prickly stubble brushing against my breasts making me shiver at the sensation.

He brings his face back up to meet one, beginning to flick my nipple with his tongue without hesitation; the feeling sending both nipples to harden at his command. As he begins to run his tongue around my nipple in circles, his other hand reaches up, taking my other breast. His fingertips begin to trace around my nipple just before he starts to lightly pull and flick. The sensations drive me wild as he switches his hand and his mouth to the opposite breasts; his fingers now tracing over my wet nipple, making my senses want to explode.  He squeezes my breast as he begins to gently tug at my nipple with his teeth; another moan escaping my lips.

He takes that as another sign to venture down further again. He crawls backwards down the bed, stopping at my lower half. He doesn’t hesitate for a moment, and before I know it, my pants and underwear are thrown across the floor. He pushes my legs up to squat outwards as his head lowers down. He gives a few quick, teasing kisses around my burning area, making me whimper as I long for his touch.

He’s just as impatient as I am; and it isn’t long before he can’t wait any longer either, and he runs his big tongue up the full length of my lips, flicking my clit at the end, making me squeal. I feel his lips form a smile at my reaction, right before he plunges his tongue into my yearning pussy. He moves it around excitedly, making the pleasure build up; another moan escaping my lips. It’s obviously what he wants to hear as he moves his tongue up to my clit, flicking it wildly.  
I couldn’t keep quiet even if I wanted to; his experienced tongue hitting me in the just the right places, making me moan uncontrollably.

He knows what he wants, and he’s gunna get it too. I grip the sheets as my back arches up, feeling myself on the verge of my climax. He senses I’m close and proceeds to add to my pleasure, inserting one of his large fingers. He continues to skillfully stroke my clit with his tongue as he begins to work his finger, in and out. I’m so wet right now and he takes advantage of it, slipping in another finger.

I feel myself reaching my peak, moaning wildly, and feeling like I could rip the sheets with my grip. Till gives it his all, licking my clit faster, and bending his fingers up to rub what I am assuming could only be my g-spot. I can’t hold it in any longer as the sensation tips me over the edge. I reach the most satisfying climax I’ve ever had, and I sound my approval with a final indulging moan.

I lay there on the bed, trying to catch my breath as I feel Till’s fingers slip from me. He slowly makes his way back up on all fours, hovering over me once again. I open my eyes to see him studying my satisfied expression. A wicked smile creeps across his face, making me reach up and pull him in for a passionate kiss; thanking him for what he’d just done.

But it’s not enough.

I sit up properly underneath him, motioning him to lie on his back as we still hold our kiss. I now position myself over him on all fours; finally breaking our lips away, mimicking the same wicked smile as he gave me only a moment before.

His eyes are full of lust and desire; his whole expression is enough to make a girl come. He has such a seductive air about him, and I don’t know how I hadn’t succumbed to it sooner.

I reach down for one last passionate kiss before I work my way down his body, same as he had done to me before.

As I tuck my fingers underneath both his tracksuit pants and underwear, I suddenly start to feel a little nervous… What I’m about to do to Till I had never done to Richard; being my first time I can feel myself become a little anxious. I take a deep breath and just focus my eyes on his pants as I pull them down past his ankles, dropping them to the floor. I make my way back up to Till’s member; and when I finally lay my eyes on it, I can feel myself almost go into shock.

I remember thinking when Richard and I had sex for the first time, whether or not he would fit in me. Right now I’m thinking how stupid that was and how now I have genuine concerns. As daunting as his large shaft is, I feel myself ache for it; but not before I repay him for the mind-blowing climax he had just given me.

I place my hand at the base of his shaft and I lower my head down, resting just above it. I take a deep breath and look up to his gaze before I make my move; His excited stare making my nerves creep up again, and I can tell he can see it in my face.

“What’s wrong…?” Till asks concerned, worry starting to form in his eyes.

“It’s nothing” I reply, nervously. “It’s just… I’ve never done this before…”

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to.” He replies, genuinely.

“But I want to…”

I pull my gaze from his taking one last calming breath, before I take him.

My lips meet his head and they slowly part as I gradually lower my mouth down onto him. His phallus filling my mouth as I take in as much in as I can; still room at the base for my hand. I slowly bring my head back up, stopping at the head again, tracing circles around it with my tongue.

I’m really worried if what I’m doing feels any good, as I really don’t know what I’m doing… But my concern fades quickly as I hear a low, erotic moan drift from Till’s lips for the first time; the sound of it feels almost as good as his tongue, and it turns me on even more…

I suck at his head a little longer, flicking my tongue across the tip, causing his legs to tremble with each stimulating motion. I finally hear another deep moan escape his open mouth and I impatiently want to hear more. I slowly bring my mouth down the length of his shaft again, as far as I can; then I slowly bring it back up, running my tongue firmly up the underside of his member. I hear him grunt and I grow more excited.

I bring my head down again, and as I bring it up again this time, I suck my mouth in tight; and a heated groan leaves his lips.

It turns me on even more that I can make such a man as Till make such perverted noises. I feel so unlike myself right now as I take note of my immediate situation and feelings; but I’ve never felt so good…

I slowly begin to bring my mouth up and down; I can hear Till’s uneven breaths and feel his thighs quiver against my legs. I gradually pick up my pace, teasing the head of his dick occasionally, making his body shudder in response everytime.  I move my mouth quicker and quicker and his deep moans start to gradually present themselves.

The sound of his voice turning me on again, and I can’t help but give it my all. I bob my head, up and down, going faster and faster. As another heated groan leaves his mouth, I begin sucking and running my tongue against his shaft, making his legs clench against mine. I give him one more stimulating sensation, moving my hand that is gripped at the base of his member. The loudest most satisfying moan leaves his lips as my mouth and hand move over his dick in unison, driving him wild.

It isn’t long before his deep voice utters, “I’m close…” and I immediately pull my mouth from him.

To his surprise I quickly move myself on top of him, hovering over his large pulsing shaft, before slowly lowering myself onto him.

I cry out as his dick fills me, and he follows with an equally satisfying moan. I thank god for how turned on I am right now; cause if I wasn’t this wet, I don’t know how good this would’ve felt otherwise.

I feel a little embarrassed being on top with Till’s eyes running all over me; but I’m happy I have control.

I slowly move myself up and down, getting used to the giant phallus that fills me completely.  
Whimpering moans begin to escape my lips as I gradually start to go faster. Till’s aroused gaze moving back and forth watching my satisfied expressions, and his dick, moving in and out of my tight pussy.

I can feel another climax slowly building inside me again, and I impatiently crave more. I move my pace a lot quicker, bouncing up and down Till’s solid shaft; the tip of his dick caressing my g-spot. He raises his hands up to grab onto my jiggling boobs, squeezing my nipples in between his fingertips; making me moan at his will. I feel his hands quickly move back down as I see in his gaze that he’s enjoying the view of my bouncing breasts more than touching.

I can feel myself getting even closer as I tense myself around Till’s shaft. The stimulating sensation causing Till to let out an animalistic groan. He must be close as well as he suddenly sits up, taking my ass in his hands. He takes over control, bouncing me up and down on his pulsing dick. My breasts slide up and down against his sweaty chest, causing my nipples to harden; adding to my arousal.

Another deep growl leaves his mouth as he moves me faster. He starts bringing me back down harder, making himself go deeper. The feeling is almost too much; but I’m so close to climax, and it feels soo fucking good…

I bite my lip as I can feel myself tipping over the edge; Till’s forceful thrusts hitting me right where it’s needed. I nails dig my nails into his shoulders as I can’t take it any longer…

 I let out the most satisfied moan as I finally reach my climax. My whole body shakes but Till continues to pound me. He bounces me on top of him even harder, adding to the intensity of my climax. I scream out again, almost at my limit; but thankfully I hear Till’s roaring moan. He squeezes my ass hard as he pulls me down on his shaft; pressing me hard against his pulsing dick as it fills me with hot liquid.

Our heads rest against each other’s as he holds me still. We sit there out of breath as he recovers from his demanding climax; his sweaty chest still moving up and down against my breasts as he breathes heavy.

Almost at the same time, we both look up to meet each other’s exhausted gaze; a smile spreading across both our faces, and a breathless giggle escaping both our lips.

Till then lifts me up off him with the last bit of energy that he has left, lying me down next to him. He lies down as well; his heavy head welcoming the soft comfort of the pillow. He stares into my eyes for what seems like forever, making me embarrassed as I feel myself blush.

“What…?” I ask, confused.

“You’re so beautiful…” he says softly; his sweet words making me blush even more.

He leans over and we share one last lustful kiss…

He wraps his arm around my back, pulling me in tight against him.  
I feel him pull a sheet over us; the light material caressing our still naked bodies. He keeps his arm wrapped around me, holding me close; he gently kisses my forehead before resting his head against mine.

As both our still racing heart beats slowly calm down; my mind almost can’t comprehend what just happened.

A moment ago my heart had been torn apart… but in this moment, it almost feels like it’s magically been put back together… As I feel my tired eyes slowly close, I take advantage of this last moment to cherish the bliss...

Please let this never end…


	26. The Moment I Saw You

Chapter 26  
_The Moment I Saw You_

I slowly pry my eyes open and try to adjust to the bright light that’s peeking through the curtains. As they focus, I find myself looking at Till; he’s already awake, and he’s staring right back at me.

A smile spreads across his face, “Good morning…” he says gently.  

“Good morning” I smile back.

“How did you sleep?” he asks.

I think to myself for a moment and sigh, “The best sleep I’ve had in a long time…”

“Me too” he replies, his smile growing wider.

“Last night was amazing…” I blush; my mind wandering back to the heated session we had last night

“It certainly was” he replies, planting a kiss on my forehead. “This isn’t moving too fast for you…?” he asks, worried.

“No…” I reply, confused. “Are we moving too fast…?” I ask, concerned.

“I think that if you’re happy… then no.” he says, reassuring me. “You’ve been through a lot of heartache, you deserve some happiness.”  
  
My thoughts flick back to last night and how I found Richard in the spare room.“I just can’t believe how everything ended with Richard… I can’t believe what he did… How could he do that to me…?” I stutter.

“It’s okay…” he hushes, “I’m here now… I’ll always be here…” he calms me down before I give myself the chance to get too worked up. “At the very least, it all worked out in the end right…?” he smiles hopefully; I can sense that he’s hoping I haven’t regretted my decisions.

“Yeah, it did…” I smile back, putting his worries to rest. “Till…” I start apprehensively, “How long have you felt this way…? I mean, about me…”

He takes a deep breath and smiles at me again, “Since the first moment I saw you.”

My heart skips a beat at the sound of his words. “Since then…?” I ask, a little surprised.

“When you came back from the club and I carried you up to your room; as soon as I had you in my arms, I didn’t want to let you go…” he says, giving me butterflies. “But I did… and I shouldn’t have…” his eyes falling from my gaze, his expression growing pained. I should have never let you go… Every time I watched Richard hurt you, I felt so useless…”

“Till, it’s not your fault…” I hush.  
  
“But it is… I knew Richard wouldn’t shake his old ways; I should have told you… But instead I just kept watching as he hurt you; it killed me everytime…” his face grew even more distraught, and I couldn’t help but hurt for him.

“Till… I don’t care what’s happened in the past; it’s in the past! I could never blame you for any of this. I mean I should have known something was up the minute he put that stupid collar on my neck… But we’ve both done stupid things we regret; we just need to move on.” I say, trying to make him feel better about the situation.

He takes a deep breath in and I watch him let go of some built up frustration as he exhales, the harsh expression leaving his face. He looks back to meet my gaze again, giving me a small smile, agreeing with what I’ve said.

“I still can’t get over that someone like you wants someone like me…” he says quietly; he’s anxieties creeping back up again.

“Someone like me, and someone like you…? I don’t know what pre conceived idea you have about who we should be with according to other people’s opinions; but as long as we like each other for who we are, that’s all that matters.” I say, trying to put this nonsense that Christoph drummed into his head to rest. “I meant it last night and I still mean it now, when I said that I had never wanted anything more than how much I wanted you… Till you’re very special to me… and I never want you to feel unwanted ever again.” I smile, sincerely.

His smile slowly returns and his eyes grow full of warmth, “I don’t deserve you…”

“I don’t deserve you!” I reply, almost giggling; how can he say such things? “After all the shit that I put you through after running back to Richard, after all the shit he put me through, I think you’re more deserving of a second chance.  
You were there for me the whole time… Thank you…”

“And I always will be…” he reassures me; pulling me into his warm embrace. His arms wrap around me as he pulls me closer; resting his head against mine once again.

I feel myself melt into his arms; his strong embrace making me feel safe like it always does. In this moment right now, I can’t believe how happy I am… Before I even met Richard I was quite content with living my normal boring life; but now that I’ve had a taste of the sweetness that is Till, I’m so glad about where I’ve ended up.

The road to here was definitely rocky and full of pot holes, and obstacles. But I got to the end of the road, and the journey was definitely worth it. Well, maybe not everything… but I’m still happy with my final destination.

I took plenty of detours and wrong turns, but I won’t make the same mistakes again…

I’ll never let Richard, or anyone else for that matter, hurt me like that ever again. But I know that I can rest easy now that I’ve finally found my prince charming. He’s rather large, and a bit rough around the edges. But he’s mine… and he’s perfect to me…

I try to snuggle in closer to Till, but it’s nearly impossible; we couldn’t be any more connected than what we are right now. I take a deep breath in, smelling Till’s natural, euphoric smell; before I breathe out a sigh of content. A smile spreads across my face as he leaves another gentle kiss on my skin, and I take the opportunity to enjoy this moment of bliss. I wish this moment would never end…

My mind flickers over to think about the future, and what it holds, for us…

But honestly, I don’t mind… as long as it’s with him…

 

THE END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We've finally reached the end of our story... 
> 
> Thank you to everyone who has read it!
> 
> Please let me know what you thought of it!  
> This was my first time ever writing a story, writing smut, writing sex... I hope that i did okay!
> 
> I would love to hear some feedback or suggestions!
> 
> And thank you to everyone that has commented, bookmarked and left Kudos; it always made me smile and helped keep me extra motivated.
> 
> I do plan on writing more stories, Rammstein and other bands. So stick around :)


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